who lives upstairs is out of her frigging gourd, excuse my French.
All she wants to do is play the bongos, and that she does all hours
of the night.
I call the
police but she insists it's me that's making the noise, not her
and since her brother in law is on the job, this sticks. To make
matters worse, my past record with my town's finest, well, is not
really the most stellar, even though it does not by any means include
disturbing the peace with any type of musical instrument whatsoever.
This leaves me up, as they say, the creek, no paddles of any sort
remotely in view. I am beginning to get very cranky due to lack
of sleep and cranky is not good, where I am concerned. Can you give
me any advice that will not result in me doing something that every
one will be sorry for?
in Battle Creek
This comes up
all the time. Not about the bongos, that's definitely looney tunes,
but about what to do when someone unrelated pins you with their
family muscle. Here are your choices
you whine, how do I know what to pick? Stop with the pig lips, it
makes me want to pound a bongo or two myself . Instead, ask yourself:
person have what you want?
If no ignore,
end of story but in this case, it's yes, she has your good night's
sleep. So story continues
a battle you can win?
If no, you
must also ignore, and live with your crankiness. Unless of course
this is a ditch in which you wish to die. In that case proceed to
If yes, invite
her to coffee and explain in a nice voice that this is not going
to do and if that doesn't work, take a hammer from your purse and
smash her bongos to kingdom come. Twice. God bless, Donna
PS I know what
your next question is. You are already asking yourself, how do I
know if I can win this battle? You're a wuss, otherwise you would
already have taken care of this, I don't know if it's worth it,
but here goes, since you're not the only one who needs to have these
things spelled out.
How do I know
if I can win this battle?
your wisdom, Battle Creek
your family take hers in a street fight? Numbers and physical strength
are important of course, but smarts, mental toughness and no scruples
about brandishing the jagged edge of a bottle of Bolla Valpolicello
counts for a lot. Connections don't mean anything when you are looking
someone in the eye and they see that their Uncle Vincent from Homicide
is not going to get there fast enough to prevent serious brain damage.
99 times out of a hundred, you never have to fight, it's clear who
will win, and who will have to be scraped off the sidewalk. God
the other time?
You have to ask?
In this case, I recommend my cousin Cookie who is in real estate
down your way. Or if you are not interested in moving, request some
Babalu. That Desi was a real dreamboat, he treated that Lucy like
a princess. He is no Perry, I realize, but then who is?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where
she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She
pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles.
She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.
Rules of Family Archive