I have been keeping company with a fine man, very nice family, makes
good money. We are not spring chickens, that's for sure. Both of
us have been around the block more than once, in vehicles, that
I must admit were less than late model. But this time, I want to
do it right, and he wants to do it now. This is a problem for would
I not be giving the milk away, and thus preclude the buying of the
Not so sad, but not so wise either, Marathon
Let me get this straight? Are you the cow? And if so, how did you
get smart enough to talk? If you're that smart, you are probably
also smart enough to know that by speaking of yourself in this manner,
you've already answered the question. Which is to say that cows,
milked or not, owned by whoever, are not ever consulted on who their
milk goes to and at what price. They have no choice, and mostly
just chew their cud, and let the farmers duke it out. God bless,
PS. Which is
to say the fact that you even had to ask me in such a way means
that the price of milk is too high.
I was talking
with my dear niece's teenage daughter, Stella, what a lamb, a real
doll with the sweetest heart you can think of. We were talking about
a certain couple in the family who were living together without,
as the saying goes, the benefit of marriage. Now, Stella wanted
to know what I thought of this, and I told her and I'm telling you.
I have a list of things that annoy me, but that's not on it. The
dear said to me "Madrone, you have a list?" Which until
that moment, I didn't realize I did, but I do. So here it is. I
don't say you have to agree, because I don't really care if you
do or not. Get your own column.
- Crepe Hangers
- Wet Blankets
These can be
classified as burrs on my a**, excuse my French.
I would like
to begin a short series on how to deal with such nuisances.
is key. You better be 100% convinced that they are lying. Because
the really good liars lie to someone they know wants to believe
them. I mean really. They'll look you in the eye and say, I can't
believe you don't trust me. And YOU, palooka, will be doubting yourself,
feeling all bad that you could have had suspicions.
one of you that's had a cheating boyfriend or a kid steal you blind
knows exactly what I'm talking about.
IF the liar
is a child under your control, just sit them down and say you aren't
planning to move until you hear the truth, and you'll know the truth
when you hear it. Then get the kid a bowl of pastini, take out your
knitting and make like you can sit for one hundred years. And mean
it. Sooner or later they'll crack.
IF the liar
is an adult, or a child over whom you have no rights and you aren't
the State District Attorney, you have a bigger problem. If someone
is lying behind your back, you can always make them say it to your
face in front of witnesses. They'll deny for sure, then you have
the necessary means to label them a coward. If they are lying to
your face, you need to decide if it's the ditch you want to die
in. If it isn't.. well, they can either be dead to you or you never
trust a single thing they say without checking. If it is, then you
call them on it.. whatever it takes. Hire a detective, lay a trap,
follow them yourself. The problem with all this is that you give
them the power of your peace of mind. Depends on how big the lie
is and sometimes, knowing the truth has its downside.
My cousin Louella
had an inkling that all was not on the up and up with her hubby
and a certain co-worker. A large inkling related to the fact the
co-worker's husband called her to commiserate, and see if Louella
was interested in revenge that came under the category of good for
the goose, good for the gander, if you know what I mean. Louella
confront her hubby, who denied. Now, Louella didn't really want
to know. She decided to believe her hubby, who decided to break
it off with his lady friend. Which I believe had something to do
with the difference is body fat to muscle ratio between him and
the other guy. (The reason I know all this is that the co-worker
lady in question spent three hours sobbing at my Formica table,
asking what should she do.. but that's another column) And Louella
is very blissful, thinking that all is well. I'd tell her she was
crazy, but she hasn't asked.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where
she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She
pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles.
She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.
Rules of Family Archive