What is the correct thing to say when someone asks you who you think
the baby looks like? What if it doesn't look like anyone? Or worse,
what if it looks like someone who the resemblance would not be polite
to bring to people's attention, if you know what I'm saying? The
Milkman, Port Jervis
Milk, There is only one safe response
in either case, in fact, in any case. It is as follows: You look
carefully at the infant in question, puzzle for a while, like you're
really thinking it over and then without exception say: Well, the
baby is perfect mix of ______________ and _______________. In the
blanks, insert the names of the people who have publicly claimed
the child as their direct genetic material.. In the case of only
one person claiming, then there is only one blank. Fill it with
that name. Use my reply and that will be the end of the conversation,
trust me. If by chance both the genetic claimants are not in the
picture, the question won't come up. You don't even have to manage
all that much sincerity, even though it's a nice touch. The person
asking already knows what they think, and is only looking for confirmation
or a reason to pick a fight. This is known as a trick question.
God bless, Donna
I would like to take issue with everyone who wrote in telling me
that my response to Letty from Levitown was off base. You're, all
of you, out to lunch. If she was as on the bean with the green as
all that, she wouldn't have to be crying poormouth and asking the
cousins for a loan, I don't care how good the odds are at the track,
or the stock market. Family and money do not mix, unless one family
member is giving it to another because they want to, and don't expect
diddly back. Truth.
Down the block, a neighbor owns three dogs that howl all night.
We've called the dog catcher, and the police, but the neighbor is
connected, and nothing gets done. How can I get some sleep? Too
Much Pooch, Too Little Sleep, Cape Ann
Little, Well, this depends. Is this ruining the health of your
family? Are ear plugs out of the question, or annoying? If yes,
it's that bad, then there are a few options-
. Move is one.
. Legal means
is another, depending upon how connected and to who.
. Poisoned meat
can work, but what goes around comes around and even if no one ever
found out it was you, you might end up with botulism from a dented
can of tuna or tetanus from a rusty nail. Believe me I've seen that
happen more than once
can work. Anyone else aggravated? Get a crowd, it's harder to make
life difficult for an entire block, than just a neighbor.
try ANY of these: Get some attitude, I'm smelling doormat. God
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where
she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She
pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles.
She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.
Rules of Family Archive