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Madrone's wisdom set to music! Be sure to check out "Dinner with Donna!"

FEBRUARY 2007

Dear Madrone,

I was walking down the street thinking evil thoughts about a certain person who would have no problem thinking the same about me, and who should appear out of the blue, but another person I can't stand. Like I conjured him up. It scared me so much, I started to think nice thoughts, about my grandson and how good last night's lasagna tasted and the fun I was going to have at the senior center tomorrow, we're knitting socks for people with one foot only, so we don't have to do pairs. And I looked up and there was my best friend's daughter pushing her little baby, such a doll face, in a stroller, just came from the store, and invited me over for coffee. I mean is it possible for the malocchio to work in reverse? Concerned, LaJolla

Dear Concerned,

What, are you kidding me? Of course it's possible. Thoughts are like that double sided tape… or those things you can buy at Waldbaums in the houseware aisle, you know the press on ones that say wall on one side and picture on the other, and they really work, unless you have one of those heavy gold frames from the old country, and then you need a spike to keep them hanging. But even though thoughts don't weigh.. they do stick. As for protection, you have two choices.. you can stop thinking the thoughts, at least you know you have them, that's a start. Or you can swallow a cornetta, although there is no guarantee it won't pass. In which case, you might need a supply. Hope this helps. God bless, Donna


Dear Readers ..Here are some reminders about stuff you shouldn't forget. God bless, Donna

  • When entering someone's home IF you come in through the window, be sure to close it behind you.
  • Never put a new pair of shoes on. Make someone else wear them for you first.
  • Bury a mini plastic statuette of St. Joseph upside down on the front lawn if you want your house to sell
  • Never give rusty metal as a present, it is to be inherited only
  • Wine isn't poured with the left hand, unless you are born in September.
  • If someone points at cucumbers with their finger before picking them, something stops growing, you have to ask the old lady up the street what.
  • For a good harvest, bury a recording of Mario Lanza singing the drinking song from The Student Prince by the first row of seeds.
  • The salt shaker must never be passed directly from hand to hand. Instead, it's rested under the table, picked up by the dog and dropped at the foot of the next user, then sterilized before using. (In my family, we don't cook with salt. We are not fancy.)
  • The tablecloth should never be shaken out at night, unless you have made a nice bracciole, in which case you shake it out before you eat..

You can scoff if you want, but don't come running to me when there is trouble in the family, or instead of hitting the lotto, you end up in hot water with your husband's cousin Maisie's brother-in-law, you know the big one with the attitude, who Maisie sends to you because you haven't paid her back the money you borrowed for that trip to Atlantic City.

.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pamela Bongiorno Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles. She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.

Rules of Family Archive

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