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This Month:

Dear Madrone,

The problem is my daughter in law's best friend's mother, Renny. I've known her for years, we grew up on the same block in the old neighborhood, her husband and mine were in the same union, (may they both rest), and on top of that, we are born exactly three days apart. So you think we could get along. But no. Every time, and I mean every time, it doesn't matter if we're at a funeral or a first communion, she has to compare. If it's something good, she has better, if it's something bad, then she has worse. If I have a pain in my hand, she has one up her elbow. If I got a bargain at Costco's, let's say ten boxes of pasta for $5.00, she got 20 boxes for $7.00, if my mother in law got me an abandoned mink at a discount at the repair department, her cousin found her one for half the price on eBay whatever that is. I thought I was used to it, that's how she is, not malicious.

But. I have lately some problems with my health, I know I should lay off the smokes and the nightshade plants, but you only go around once. I have to carry around one of those crazy tanks. I've been avoiding Renny ever since I started with this, because she will end up carrying two of them whether she needs them or not. How can I remain her friend?

Puzzled, Lake Hopatcong

Dear Puzzled,

I'm puzzled, too, but mostly how you stay friends with such a person in any case. Something fishy going on there for sure, or you're not telling me everything. whatever. This I can say for sure, One, if not both of you is patzu. But either way If she wants to out do you, why start resenting it now? What's going on that all of a sudden you care? That's the better question which I can not answer, you first have to ask yourself. You've been letting her carry on for years, and since you claim it isn't malicious, then you do what you have to and let her do the same. It's like my husbands great grandfather, a saint earth and now an angel in heaven, all his life he drank a healthy shot of B and B before he hit the hay, faithfully, like it was in the Bible, blessed are the B and B drinkers, they will live to be 100. . He turns 95, and things start to go on him, he's frigging 95, what do you expect, and the doctors put the kabosh on the alcohol. Boom he up and drops after two weeks on the wagon. So Renny is like that, maybe. You don't want to be responsible for any trouble, let her be sicker than you. God bless, Donna

Dear Madrone,

Things are too crazy these days. It used to be we knew who was supposed to do what- The bride's family paid for the wedding, the groom's family bought the furniture. The guy paid for the dinner, the girl held out for the ring before any serious fooling around, and even then. If someone came to your house, they brought cake. People knew to bring an envelope to a wedding, not a blender, which they were supposed to bring to the bridal shower. These days, everyone does everything backwards, and you don't know when to be insulted. This is annoying. How can I know when someone is being rude?

Wondering what it's coming to, SnowShoe

Dear Snow,

Good question. I have often wondered myself whether I should slam the door in someone's face when they bring their own beer to my place, especially since I only drink red wine, or when I'm out and it's my turn to pay, and they get the bill ahead, so I look like a freeloader and they get to play the big shot. They mean well, but they weren't raised right, And don't get me started with all the stuff that people do, with no ring in sight. Ok I think it's safe to say that people were fooling around since before Adam, but at least they had to sneak around.

So in answer to this very real question, I have developed a few short guidelines-

How to Know You Are Being Insulted:

Step One- You feel insulted.

That's it. Now what you do about it is another story. God Bless, Donna.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pamela Bongiorno Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles. She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.

Rules of Family Archive

Donna's Blog

This Issue

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