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Dear Madrone,

There is this two faced rat fink, who is employed by my husband. She is in a wheelchair, which she plays up for pity, but let me tell you, if a baby squirrel was in between her and a chance to tell a lie, the road crew would be scraping the fur out of the wheel tracks. Here's the thing…I am the secretary for the Ladies Auxiliary of the American Legion. Ratfink is the president and her sister, that one, what a crepe hanger, always playing the martyr with her lumbago, is the treasurer. After our last pot luck, we came up $300 short. I'm not saying they lined their pockets, but I did say we should look into it. They went ballistic and quit the Ladies Auxiliary, and are now telling everyone in town that I victimize the disabled. Should we still examine the books? And is it disloyal for my husband to keep her on the payroll while they cast aspersions?

Steamed, Ronkonkomo

PS. She is the shop steward for the union.

Dear Steamed,

By all means, look into the missing moolah. But as far as the casting of aspersions, ask yourself, does this person have anything you want ? Now if your reputation was truly at stake you could rightfully demand your husband exact vengeance. But think twice... if said ratfink is competent by union standards, and those are the standards that matter, it would be a big favor to call in. And for what? Does she say these things to your face? Is it in writing? If not who cares, it means nothing, in fact she is helping you out, because jamokes who believe gossip are not worth your time. I recommend you send her and the sister a note thanking them.

God bless, Donna

Dear Madrone,

My brother in law's wife's sister in law recently, how can I say it, just got a fabulous boob job. Believe me, she looks 1000 times more attractive than before .Was it so wrong for me to compliment? My wife seems to think so.

Impressed, Middle Village

Dear Impressed,

I am assuming that you are not the complimenting sort, otherwise you and the wife would have worked this one out long before. If you are not in the habit of complimenting the ladies, probably not good to start when one suddenly sprouts a pair of double d's, makes you seem less than a class act. This goes for anything you might have said, which could range from My you look well today, to hey nice rack, what'd it run you?

God bless, Donna.

NOTE TO ALL WHO WROTE IN TO DISAGREE WITH MY RESPONSE TO TWO FATHERS FROM LOCUST VALLEY

You're all so pathetic, don't you understand a single thing I've been telling you??? You can not tell anyone who is or isn't their family, YOU may not think it's their family but what you think doesn't matter. I suggest you all get over yourselves, and spend your time on something that will get you somewhere, like straightening out the basement.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MUDDLED Here are two things you can't change- the past, or other people. But you can change yourself. You must decide which is worse, eating your pride and making nice while your sister is alive, (and this will only work if you have the gracious heart, no resentment, because there is no guarantee anyone will be nice back or even thank you) or living with regret once she's gone. Either way your chops are going to be busted. God bless, Donna

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pamela Bongiorno Monk is a full time faculty member of Penn State University, where she teaches creative writing, both fiction and non fiction. She pursues freelance writing, authoring plays and feature articles. She has broken nearly as many rules of family as she has enforced.

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