PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Does Mr. Right = Mr. Wrong? A Checklist

Finally! Your Aunt Gertrude is so thrilled - you have a man to bring with you to family gatherings, book burnings, trailer-warming parties, and the like. He's personable, he doesn't have a mullet or wear fringed leather, and his pesky wife hasn't yet shown up at any of your intimate dinners brandishing a six-foot scythe.

But yet…there are a few things that bother you about him. No man is perfect, for sure - we, of course, tell ourselves we love them as much for their inexplicable love of NASCAR racing as we do for their broad shoulders. But there are a few signals you should be on watch for, signs that your Mr. Right may not be as "right" as you think. Here's a checklist of serious warning signals that should send you cashing in your love-chips and heading for the nearest available convent.

 

 

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Featured Cocktail:

The Wrong Stuff (a Flask Files original creation!)

2 shots Triple Sec

1 shot Jagermeister

1 shot Tequila

Splash Diet Mountain Dew

Maraschino Cherries to taste (that is, if you can still taste after downing this concoction)

Also called "The Balm of the Desperate Woman," this drink will curl your nose hairs and permanently erase the lingering stench of that Chanel No. 5.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, even the most perceptive of us can overlook some unsettling warning signals, but when you find that pile of Kirk & Spock porn, grab all your belongings and run like hell. Facing your next family gathering solo is much preferable to having to explain that you'll be missing the barbecue because you have to be a witness in your new beau's latest internet pedophilia hearing. Trust me, Aunt Gertie will understand.

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