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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Fast Lane to Success: Apply the rules of dating to your career!

Do you worry about your career? Probably like many women nowadays, excelling at work is almost as important as success in love. But did you know that getting a job and keeping one isn't all that different from getting and keeping a mate? If you apply some simple rules of dating to your career, we guarantee that your coworkers will begin to look at you in a different way and your old image will be banished forever. Here are some quick tips to put you in the fast lane - to success!

Tip #1 - Make him feel important.

In this case, though, "him" is the client or manager - not the potential date! When meeting with your client or boss for a power-lunch, gaze at him intently and listen to his boring stories with enthusiasm and interest. Ask questions and make comments that boost his ego, such as "Wasn't it hard for you to sell that many paper products last year? You must be a very manly man!"

Tip #2 - Flirt!

You may be thinking, "but all the other career tips I've read say not to flirt at the office!" Yes, you may have seen this. But they're just dead wrong. Most of those articles are written by unemployed freelance writers that have never held a steady job in their lives. Take our advice! There's nothing wrong with a little eyelash-batting and giggling at work. Throw in a short skirt or two, or a day when you "accidentally" forget to wear panties, and you're on the road to a promotion! Just remember to keep it somewhat subtle. For example: a well-placed, seemingly innocent touch on the arm is good. Telling drunken lesbian experimentation stories is bad.

Tip #3 - Don't talk too much about yourself.

On dates, you usually recognize that it's a turn-off to say too much about yourself. It's the same way at work. When speaking with your manager, don't disclose too much personal information. Not because you don't want him to know - but because it will keep him guessing! If he begins discussing his personal life, refer to Tip #1. For example: if you are on a business trip, for example, and he mentions missing his wife, don't tell him you miss your significant other as well. Say something like, "It can get really lonely for a manly man like you on the road, and I know porn only goes so far. I can really relate." Then try applying Tip #2.

Tip #4 - Do what you have to do.

The business world, like the world of romance, can be harsh and unforgiving. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile to get that raise or promotion. Occasionally, what you have to do may seem a bit distasteful - even downright amoral. But just remember that while your monthly BMW payments won't get any smaller, memories of your night of dominatrix-style monkey sex with the boss will fade with time and prescription medication.

These are all the tips you should need to take your job to the next level. What, you say? Your manager or client is a woman? Hey, it's a brand new millennium! Don't let sexual orientation stand in your way! These quick and easy tips can be used in lots of different situations. Be creative!

About the author: Lucy Middlesex-Jones has worked her way to the top of several small companies and is now rising quickly through a nationally-known Fortune 500 company. She is the author of "101 Things You Wanted to Know About Lunchtime Quickies but were Afraid to Ask" and "Janitor's Closet Sex for Dummies."

©2001 Amy Krug

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved