Girl's Guide to Cute Heads of State

Claire Zulkey

Ladies, we all know that more and more of us are becoming involved in politics now more than ever before. For instance, our current president has a lady National Security Advisor (Candyleeezzza Rice) and even has two daughters, in comparison to former President Clinton's one.

You too can delve into the political realm! But why limit yourself to America? There are internships and volunteer positions available in almost every government in the world.

For your benefit, we have edited a short guide to the most attractive heads of state in the world, so that when you begin your political career, there will be no need to toil beneath an unattractive boss (or husband, should you choose to marry your particular head of state.) Enjoy!

PORTUGAL: President Dr. Sampaio, born Sept. 18, 1939. We can't resist his adorable glasses and excellent choice in necktie-wear. Dr. Sampaio says that he's looking for a girl who "will make me laugh, but somebody that I can just sit and hold hands with, too." Helpful note: If you pursue a career with Dr. Sampaio, keep in mind that his name is not pronounced "George," but "Whore-hay." Try not to laugh when you say it.
SWAZILAND: King Mswati III, born April 19, 1968. One of our younger heads of state, we couldn't resist the sexy, shirtless pictures of the king posted on his website, wearing only ceremonial guard and a mischievous smile! His bio states that "he is good in subjects like mathematics, English, Science, as well as Home Economics," which means that your hands might touch as you're doing the laundry together! The King is also perfect choice for ladies who are easily wooed by romantic dinners!
MEXICO: President Vicente Fox, born July 2, 1942. President Fox, having worked for Coca-Cola in the past, and being friendly with our own President Bush, is perfect for girls who are looking for a taste of the exotic, while still looking for a guy close to home. Vicente's turn-ons include: "A great smile, an athletic build, and a healthy appetite!" Turn offs: "Girls who look in the mirror too much, who are too gossipy, and who have scabby knees. I know that's really shallow, but it really bugs me!" What turns us on about Presidente Foxy is his sexy mustache.
AUSTRALIA: Dr. Peter Hollingworth was born on 10 April 1935, and has been capturing ladies' hearts ever since. "Hellingsworth," as he's referred to for his nonstop boyish antics, is for our girls who go for more mature guys, as the good Doctor will be turning 68 this spring. "I'm just a regular joe at heart," he says. "Like all other Australians, I like cooking on the barbie, surfing, fighting crocodiles, and traveling via kangaroo!" G'day, President Mate!

ONES TO WATCH:

For our younger readers, we have also included a short list of up-and-coming monarchs and leaders, so keep your eyes out for them!

SWEDEN: Prince Carl Philip, born May 13, 1979. Prince William who? We fell in love with the Prince's adorable dimples, and were really impressed by his love of the great outdoors. "I'm really shy," he confessed, "so I like aggressive girl who'll come up to me." Admittedly, the Prince is only second in line for the throne, but hopefully his older sister will die or be kidnapped in the future so he can claim the title himself.
JORDAN: Hamzah bin Hussein Crown Prince of Jordan, born March 29th 1980. Our young prince received the Sandhurst Overseas Sword, granted to the best overseas cadet and the HRH Prince Saud Abdullah Prize, presented to the cadet with the best aggregate mark in academic subjects; served as an officer in the Jordan Arab Army's 40th Armored Brigade and blah blah blah blah blah. He's a prince and he's good looking. Is there anything else you need to know?
VATICAN: Even though he's a hottie for the ages, there's no doubt that our man John Paul has seen better days. Sooner or later we'll be having a new pontiff. Let's just hope he's a major cutie!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Claire Zulkey lives in Chicago and would very much like a patron or sugar daddy or something. She has been published on McSweeney's Internet Tendency and Modern Humorist. She would be mighty pleased if you stopped by her site, www.zulkey.com. Here is a terrible joke as your reward for reading this entire bio:

Q. Want to hear my impression of Elizabeth Taylor?
A. I think she's pretty nice