PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Dear Brian

By Sister Golden Hair Surprise*

Mr. Brian Griese
Quarterback
Denver Broncos
INVESCO Field at Mile High
Denver, Colorado

Dear Brian:

I suppose a written proposal from a complete stranger requesting a secret romance might seem a little brass, and in some circles might even be considered, dare I say, tacky; but I give you Steve and Wendy French in Loveland, Colorado as my defense. These two people did the impossible -- they found love on the Internet. Steve had never met, nor even seen a picture of Wendy when he invited her to a private chat room. That one bold move gave Steve the opportunity to obtain the universal goal of all humans -- the giddy feeling.

Come on, Brian, even a football player of your stature has experienced the giddy feeling. Late night calls just because; an extra beat in your heart when she steps off the plane; rushing to your computer to see if she sent an e-mail; seeing no one else in a crowded room but her.

It is true we humans are a rare breed. We rant and rave about success, money, faith in religion, mergers of Fortune 500 companies, or perhaps in your case, the Raider's defensive line, but let's be honest. God and a steady paycheck are great, but love is where it's at. Forgive me if I heed Melissa Etheridge's public cry, I want to be in love.

A male friend - oh, please don't be jealous that I have male friends, Brian - was so smitten with a woman that, by golly, he proved to me men blush too. But, oddly, he was sad, confused, and of all things, lonely. The woman, after professing their undeniable soul mate status, suddenly did not return calls anymore. He was vexed, terribly vexed, as he was certain their unplanned by chance reunion, and another look at their junior high yearbook revealing them standing next to each other in every photo, were surely all signs that a table for one at Denny's would no longer be in order. Oh sure, he left a couple of questionable messages on her answering machine one day when he could not get in touch with her, but I ask you, can he be penalized for suffering from the giddy feeling more than the staunch feminist who ditched the career to plan a wedding when her boyfriend of five years finally proposed? Love, for lack of a better word, is a powerful thing.

The point here, Brian, is that despite the unnecessary, and quite frankly, ridiculous inner turmoil my male friend had created for himself - "Will she call? Won't she call? What if she does call???" - he still possessed that damn giddy glow. I want the glow, Brian.

But here's the catch. I want the glow without the sadness, confusion, and loneliness. I mean, after all, why would I need your assistance for these emotions when I can get them just fine on my own? I heard a story once about a girl named Betty whose giddy feeling was brutally hacked by a man named Bud when on an outing in the park Bud chose to watch a man change a bicycle tire rather than accept Betty's invitation to lie next to her in the grass, only later to mask his insecurity further by stating that lying in grass is icky, apparently even with Betty. I do not want to be Betty and you certainly do not want to be Bud, who is now deemed gay by Betty and her friends. Let's not over think what we have here, Brian. I'm not asking for marriage and the baby carriage, just the glow.

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About the author:

*Sister Golden Hair Surprise (a.k.a. Shannan Keenan) is a writer and filmmaker living in Southern California with her dog, three horses, and luscious long blonde hair. Through her production company Just Hank Productions, Shannan wrote, directed, and produced the critically acclaimed independent feature LOAVES. Shannan's current script RANDY, about a 40-year-old Kansas dishwasher searching for the meaning of his life, has placed in several screenwriting competitions, thus, once again proving that Shannan is the voice for loser men of all ages. www.justhank.com