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EST. May 2000 (AD)




Entirely Enticing Esthetics

How to Mesmerize Him with a Pedicure

By Jennifer Gravel Vanasse

Want a leg up in the competition for men? Use your feet. What with dollar store breast implants and liposuction running rampant, using your feet to enhance your sex appeal maybe the only way to distinguish yourself from all the other Mrs. Right wanna-bes out there. But that doesn't mean you'll have men falling at your feet without a little work. No, there is an art to the science of pedicures and the savvy woman will know how to use it. He has five senses and you have 10 toes, so your odds are 2:1 that you can win him over with the right pedicure.

Start with his sense of smell. There are some odours that are more enticing than others. Sweat, of course, is not one of them, unless your guy has lost his sense of smell in a tragic accident. As you ready yourself for the big date, douse your feet in a mixture of confectioner's sugar and cinnamon or vanilla. Just add some spice to your instep and it will spice up your life.

Next, work on his sense of hearing. Do your shoes squeak, squelch or squish? If they do, that's disgusting! You can kiss Mr. Right goodbye, instead of good morning. Instead, go for a heel that will make a sharp click on the pavement or that will elicit the right mixture of pleasure and pain when pressed against his chest. Remember the ends justify the means, so suck it up no matter how much they hurt. However, while you are out, your heels must always remain on terra firma, as there is nothing more disastrous than a heel sunk four inches deep in the soft grass. Keep your ears attuned for the sound of sinking.

Of course, you must appeal to his sense of sight from the very beginning, which is why a sling-backed open-toed sandal is recommended to display your luscious attributes, no matter what the weather. Your shoe of choice should frame your brightly polished toes nicely. But, be wary of toes that hang over the edge because no one likes a three-toed sloth. The polish must be bold in whatever your signature colour may be: pink, purple, red or blue. Avoid the neon shades as they tend to reflect eerily in dim light. You wouldn't want him to mistake your toes for the glowing green eyes of a monster when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Once you have him home, it is time to cater to his sense of touch. Slip off your shoes and snuggle back on the couch. Have you been working on your abs? Get ready to use them. If you have done your pedicure well, your heels will be as soft and round as if you have never stepped foot outside of your warm inviting bed. Flex your abs and allow your toes to caress him in the most intimate way. Use your highly defined arch to embrace him. Don't let your fingers do the walking, let your feet do it instead.

And finally, when he is begging for mercy, try a little toe-in-cheek. Slip your scented, painted toes between his lips for a feast neither of you will soon forget. He'll never eat a cookie the same way again. Lady Fingers? Try Lady Toes!

After a night like that the man will be yours. So get to work and don't forget to put your best foot forward!

© 2005 Jennifer Gravel Vanasse


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Jennifer has been writing all her life, though for the past 17 years it has been in the course of her employment with a highly successful law firm in Ottawa. She has had articles published in the Ottawa Association of Law Clerks Newsletter and friends, family and acquaintances seek after her original and customized poetry. Jennifer's goal is to branch out from making judges cry and to enter the world of mainstream fiction. She currently lives in Ottawa with her husband Randy and stepson Nick and their huge dog, a Lab-Newf mix named Zucchini.


DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved