PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Gabbing With the Gal of the Year

SB Shoemaker

Last week, Cosmos announced its newest Gal of the Year. Instead of the traditional tall, malnourished, photogenic supermodel with hair extensions, this year Cosmos awarded the coveted title to London Ramada, a tall, malnourished, photogenic heiress who insists her extensions are the closest thing to her own hair that money can buy. "It's, like, my own hair, because it's, like, from my clone."

London bought a clone so that she would have more versatility with her
appearance. Being a Cosmos Gal is an important role and she didn't want to disappoint her many fans. "Well, it's like, you know, I want to try things, but like, I don't want to look bad. So with my clone I can have her hair cut or have her try make up or an outfit so I can see what it looks like on me because she is me, you know? It's like having a twin only better, because you can't, you know, own a twin."

She really wasn't surprised to receive this honor. "I knew I was destined to be a Cosmos Gal since I was like two and got my first pair of Manolos." She was disappointed, though, when it took so long to be chosen. "Like I was almost ready to sue or something because of discrimination. I mean so where does it say you have to be a supermodel to get picked? But then I noticed an unsightly blemish so I got a facial instead."

She thinks she was finally chosen this year because of her newfound depth of character. "I think I've really matured. Like before, when I was still just a kid, I'd do stupid things and stuff like that. But I don't now." Her recent cultural contributions also may have been a deciding factor in her selection. "My television show offers lots of travel tips and my new book 'Coping with the Pain of Celebrity' is very helpful to other heiresses. In fact, it almost makes me want to read something. But then I remember how boring that is."

The past year was one of great personal growth for London. "I learned that milk, like, comes from a store, and that people who are poor have to wash their clothes when they get dirty instead of just buying new ones. It made me sad. So I got a massage and felt better."

She also had to learn to cope with turmoil and uncertainty. "Donatella invited me to her fall showing, but then Roberto called me and told me his was the same day." She found the strength to survive and learn from the experience. "It all comes down to who's hotter and right now that's definitely Roberto."

Hard on the heels of that conflict, London encountered a stressful period of adversity. "Like first I went shopping and the store didn't have the Prada bag I wanted in the right color. Then, when I went for my pedicure, I had to wait." But her family's love and support helped her though the difficult times. "My Mom really helped the receptionist. She taught her the value of good service by getting her demoted to bikini waxer."

Cosmos Gals have a special reputation, one that London believes she can enhance by being an international beauty ambassador, "Just like a goodwill ambassador, only different." She explains that a recent incident inspired her decision to focus on global humanitarian aid. "When I visited a Wal-Mart, I felt a connection with regular people. I realized how many ugly people live outside LA and wondered how that could happen. So I think that's my mission as a Cosmos Gal, to just help everybody be really beautiful. Except the ones who can't."

 

©2005 S. Shoemaker All Rights Reserved

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