EST. May 2000 (AD)


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The Happy Woman Rules

(Track Him, Trick Him, Trap Him!)





Keep It Going

Once he's in your sight keep him there, get him a cell phone with a GPS tracker.

Email him, mention him in Tweets, write on his Facebook wall anything to make sure that way you will be constantly on his mind.

If you are in a long distance relationship you may wish to move to be closer to him. We caution you to until after the first date as you don't want to appear desperate.

Be someone else. Study successful thin attached people and become them. Quiz your prospect on what he likes in a woman. Adopt those characteristics.

If he doesn't call it doesn't mean he's not interested. It could be that he is very busy, that he forgot your telephone number or that he has been in a terrible traffic accident and has amnesia. He may need little reminders. Call and hang up. This always work as it puts the phone in his hand. When it is in his hand it will probably jog his memory and remind him to call you.

Cruise past his house frequently, make friends with his beer drinking buddies, take his aunt in the retirement home to the zoo.

Mr Wrong?

There is a chance that you could end up with Mr. Wrong but don't despair. Once he's snagged keep a close eye on his behaviour during the dating period.

Keep notes and charts and status reports. When you find an undesirable characteristic it is your job to change him. Whimpering, whining sulking and screaming are all terrific molding methods.

Remember: Let's just be friends means he wants you and wants you bad he just can't deal with his feelings yet.

The Next Step

If you've followed the steps above you are ready to close the deal. Happy Woman do not date men over two years without getting an engagement ring.

You can force his hand by having his baby or dating other men to make him jealous.If that fails take him off the market. You can do this by spreading a rumour he has an STD, that he's a bigamist or he's bankrupt.

If you find that you are still not having any success with The Happy Woman rules you will need to motivate yourself. Slogans like "I am nothing without a man" or "I'm single because I'm fat" will keep you on the right track.

You're Welcome!

© Sharon Grehan-Howes

Please Note: This is a parody of a magazine, so don't come crying to us if someone accidentally took out your liver or you starved to death on our diet. The interviews are not real and the interviewers are not real.