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Dear Happy
Woman Magazine
Well, somehow
I stumbled upon that rack of
lamb for 400 recipe and I thought that the picture looked so great
that it must be easy - so I decided to give it a whirl.
Naturally,
I realized that I didn't need to serve 400 people so I only bought enough
lamb for 4. Well, I guess the pollution made me a little-light headed
that day, more than usual I mean, and I forgot to reduce the size of the
marinade! I'm not that great at following long written instructions...I
always seem to lose my place. Of course I realized that I would have too
much marinade after I had starting combining the ingredients in my hottub...but
I figured this way I'd be saving so much time later. I could freeze all
this marinade and then make great lamb whenever I wanted. On second thought
I praised myself for my resourcefulness and ingenuity...just like the
day my uncle bought a 10 kilogram bag of corn starch.
Things were
looking up until I realized that I didn't have a drop of red wine vinegar
anywhere. Lucky for me...I was having a good day thinking-wise. I went
out and bought a case of vino from the local liquor store and also bought
bulk size containers of white vinegar and then mixed the two together
in a garbage can. I left it overnight in the garage to increase the flavour.
Feeling like a veritable Robinson Crusoe I made a mental note to start
growing olives next summer so that I could make my own olive oil. Never
again will I buy salad dressing.
The next
morning I woke with mixed feelings of excitement, anticipation, and dread.
Heaving the garbage can to the backyard I tipped it into the hottub (in
which I had already added the mustard and oil the night before.) As a
time saving technique I decided not to cut up all that garlic and instead
just added 12 cups of garlic powder. By now the couple at the local bulk
store were becoming very friendly and offering me a free lowfat lollypop
with every purchase. They'll keep my business!!!
Finding the
actual job of mixing the ingredients to be rather tiresome (I started
with a regular whisk and then moved on to using a branch) I discovered
another brilliant time-saving technique. Adjusting the hot tub jets to
their highest setting I created a bubbling brew that the whole neighbourhood
could smell. I know because of the number of phone calls I received over
the next day. I don't think my neighbours quite understand the meaning
of the word "gourmet" but perhaps a big neighbourhood BBQ will show them
that delicious food requires hard work.
Finally,
with all my ingredients mixed, I tossed my lamb into the muck and let
it sit there overnight. I left the jets on just to make sure that the
meat was fully covered. Unfortunately, the raccoons living under my deck
decided that they wanted to be covered too. Chewing through the industrial-size
plastic wrap that I had used to cover the sauce, they went for a little
4 a.m. swim. I had to fish them out with my neighbour's pool net later
that morning and then hose them down. They seemed to be okay but were
a little wobbly. They hadn't actually eaten the lamb which had sunk right
to the bottom. Using that net, I managed to locate it and transferred
it to the BBQ. Meanwhile my uncle started the tiresome task of transferring
the left over sauce into Tupperware (which is now stacked in piles in
the basement.) The meal that evening was a memorable one. Not only for
the piquant (I read that that's what chefs say when they mean sharp or
tangy) lamb that my family said was so rich that they couldn't finish
(the raccoons got the leftovers) but also for the feeling that I was a
successful albeit experimental cook.
THANK
YOU HAPPY WOMAN MAGAZINE...
Vicki Witt
About
the author:
Ian Roberts
is a recent graduate from Dalhousie University and an unabashed film snob.
He is currently living in Toronto and cooking as much as he can. He often
contributes reviews to www.halifaxatthemovies.com
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