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Dear Happy Woman Magazine

Well, somehow I stumbled upon that rack of lamb for 400 recipe and I thought that the picture looked so great that it must be easy - so I decided to give it a whirl.

Naturally, I realized that I didn't need to serve 400 people so I only bought enough lamb for 4. Well, I guess the pollution made me a little-light headed that day, more than usual I mean, and I forgot to reduce the size of the marinade! I'm not that great at following long written instructions...I always seem to lose my place. Of course I realized that I would have too much marinade after I had starting combining the ingredients in my hottub...but I figured this way I'd be saving so much time later. I could freeze all this marinade and then make great lamb whenever I wanted. On second thought I praised myself for my resourcefulness and ingenuity...just like the day my uncle bought a 10 kilogram bag of corn starch.

Things were looking up until I realized that I didn't have a drop of red wine vinegar anywhere. Lucky for me...I was having a good day thinking-wise. I went out and bought a case of vino from the local liquor store and also bought bulk size containers of white vinegar and then mixed the two together in a garbage can. I left it overnight in the garage to increase the flavour. Feeling like a veritable Robinson Crusoe I made a mental note to start growing olives next summer so that I could make my own olive oil. Never again will I buy salad dressing.

The next morning I woke with mixed feelings of excitement, anticipation, and dread. Heaving the garbage can to the backyard I tipped it into the hottub (in which I had already added the mustard and oil the night before.) As a time saving technique I decided not to cut up all that garlic and instead just added 12 cups of garlic powder. By now the couple at the local bulk store were becoming very friendly and offering me a free lowfat lollypop with every purchase. They'll keep my business!!!

Finding the actual job of mixing the ingredients to be rather tiresome (I started with a regular whisk and then moved on to using a branch) I discovered another brilliant time-saving technique. Adjusting the hot tub jets to their highest setting I created a bubbling brew that the whole neighbourhood could smell. I know because of the number of phone calls I received over the next day. I don't think my neighbours quite understand the meaning of the word "gourmet" but perhaps a big neighbourhood BBQ will show them that delicious food requires hard work.

Finally, with all my ingredients mixed, I tossed my lamb into the muck and let it sit there overnight. I left the jets on just to make sure that the meat was fully covered. Unfortunately, the raccoons living under my deck decided that they wanted to be covered too. Chewing through the industrial-size plastic wrap that I had used to cover the sauce, they went for a little 4 a.m. swim. I had to fish them out with my neighbour's pool net later that morning and then hose them down. They seemed to be okay but were a little wobbly. They hadn't actually eaten the lamb which had sunk right to the bottom. Using that net, I managed to locate it and transferred it to the BBQ. Meanwhile my uncle started the tiresome task of transferring the left over sauce into Tupperware (which is now stacked in piles in the basement.) The meal that evening was a memorable one. Not only for the piquant (I read that that's what chefs say when they mean sharp or tangy) lamb that my family said was so rich that they couldn't finish (the raccoons got the leftovers) but also for the feeling that I was a successful albeit experimental cook.

THANK YOU HAPPY WOMAN MAGAZINE...

Vicki Witt

About the author:

Ian Roberts is a recent graduate from Dalhousie University and an unabashed film snob. He is currently living in Toronto and cooking as much as he can. He often contributes reviews to www.halifaxatthemovies.com

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