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Peacekeeping With Style!

By Diane Sokoloski

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After application of the military issue camouflage make-up, which is unfortunately not hypo-allergenic, remember to dust a bit of face sparkle (of course) across your nose and cheekbone area. Lips should be done in a muted, subtle tone preferably with a sun screen- canteen green, khaki brown, or gunpowder gray are sensible choices.

Every military glamour girl needs to bring a sack of potpourri. Tuck a sprig into the end of your weapon, or simply weave it around the clips of machine gun shells as the fellows are feeding them into the slot. They will marvel at your ability to remain calm in the heat of battle. I can just hear the barrage of complimentary comments that will flow your way after the potpourri moment. If you hear the sound of WHIZZ followed quickly by BANG, it merely means bombs are dropping fairly close to your location. Gather up your bubble mat and IKEA ammo basket (FREEKEN only $4.95) and quickly move to a new spot. All eyes may be upon you, so remember your posture- shoulders back, chest out and head up. They'll be none of that silly shuffling and weaving low to the ground while you're around!

Tank attacks deserve special mention. Although the outrageously high heat inside the tank is excellent for a good pore cleansing, insist that you be allowed to position yourself on the outside of the tank as it rolls through towns. Strike a sexy I'm in charge kind of pose and be ever so mindful of the kickback as the guns are firing. I'm sure you'll find a use for that giant, decorative crepe paper sunflower that you've been lugging around. Try to let the spattering mud land on your face- no use in wasting a good mud spray. Make a statement no matter which dank, stifling, life-threatening, hellish place you are in. Glow soldier girl, Glow!

©2004 Diane Sokoloski

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OTHER HW ARTICLES BY DIANE SOKOLOSKI:

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Diane Sokoloski earned a BA in music and BEd as an Artist in the Community. She has performed in children's theatre, political theatre, musical theatre, puppet shows, stand-up comedy and yes- as a street busker. Diane had brief experiences as a police officer and a high school teacher but her psychiatrist advises against talking about it.

Diane's writing credits include numerous magazines, newspapers and her humorous erotica can be read online in Toronto's NOW magazine. She contributes regularly to The National Post's satirical column- Post Mortem.

Diane is working on a children's book based on a true story about a skink who travelled across North America in a lunch box.

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