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EST. May 2000 (AD)




The Beauty & Popularity Link

By Madame Borshka

It is no secret that popularity and beauty go hand in hand. Beautiful people have smooth open faces, clear child-like eyes, graceful movement and long lithe bodies. We not only love to look at them we love to be with them.

I can't make you beautiful but I can certainly make you less offensive! Here are a few tips that will change your life!

1) Agree, agree agree. No one likes people who will argue. Arguing leads to unladylike gestures and liver spots.

2) Understand that everything is either black or white. Grey is not only unflattering but it may lead to independent thought (wrinkles) and over-eating.

3) Different is ugly. Different says," Look at me- I'm different!" Different is not what we are used to seeing, so the muscles on the forehead contract and result in a furrowed brow, crows feet and lactose intolerance.

People who are different usually have ideas that are foreign to others and the ideas are usually boring. Who wants to hear about the rainforest which is probably very far away as long as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are together?

Being "different" also leads to a dowager's hump.

4) You may be a feminist, just don't tell anyone. Feminists aren't "in" this millenium.Granted, it is thanks to them that women are achieving equal status to men blah, blah, blah, but they are so fond of drab earthtones. Why be lumped in with the wildflowers when you can be a rose?

Feminism also leads to senile dementia.

5) Accept that the world is the way it is and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. Talking about world hunger and war isn't going to make your guests feel comfortable at a cocktail party. It may in fact put them off the canapés. Excessive worry over uncontrollable events will cause osteoporosis.

6) Adopt other's viewpoints as your own. You can never ever go wrong with this. The only time you will run into a sticky situation is when you are standing in a group of three and two people have opposing view points (you will note how unattractive it is as they argue) Say to each:"You have a very good point, I understand what you are saying" and then head for powder room to place a damp cloth on your forehead.

Now, go-- be lovely!


Copyright © 2000 Sharon Grehan-Howes

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved