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Savannah Stumpers and More

Note from Elizabeth: To soothe her frazzled nerves, Savannah has gone on a butterfly watching expedition at world-famous Dieter's Bavarian Sanitarium in Ojo Caliente. Before leaving, she charged me with cobbling together a column out of retorts.er, replies. . .from readers, a contest reminder, and letters even Savannah couldn't answer. She'll be back next week with the usual stuff.

Last Call for Martini Recipes!

Belly up to the bar with your most disgusting concoction - the deadline for Savannah's Non-Potable Martini Contest is midnight July 6. If you've been procrastinating or simply passed out from taste-testing, you need to rouse yourself to capture the exact ingredients and measurements of your perfectly undrinkable Martini and send them to: contest@savannahsays.com. If you want more information, see contest details.

Our Readers Respond

Oh Sage One: I believe that you may have overlooked an obvious component in your latest correspondent's missive, "The Mechanics of a Perfect Relationship."

Clearly 'Nigel' is British (no self-respecting American would stick their child with such a pansy appellation, unless they wanted every day on the playground to be utter hell). And as we all know, Brits are, after the Swiss, the least erotic population on the planet. In fact, the likely reason they built such a huge Empire is so that they could import people to their tiny Isle from places such as Jamaica, India, and Pakistan and avoid having to have sex to produce a citizenry.

There is one hope for 'Patient long enough' however: The English are seemingly unable to resist the lure of cross-dressing. All she needs do is to slip a sedative into his evening beer and while he is unconscious, dress him up in lingerie, a simple slip, a pretty frock, and a wig and some basic makeup.

When he wakes, there is no doubt that the famous English lion will be uncaged and her physical needs will be more than met.

Unfortunately, this method will not work with the Swiss. For them, only a time-schedule of each stage of sexual activity, rigidly adhered to (or they lose their Matterhorn), will suffice.

It's not very satisfying but they usually have access to great chocolate, which is no small compensation.

Your fan,
Stannous Flouride

Elizabeth Replies: Thank you, Stan, for sharing your suspiciously intimate knowledge of this subject. And to all our devoted fans on the glorious isle of Albion, please note that the opinions expressed by our intoxicated readership do not necessarily reflect our own drunken sentiments.

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