SENSATIONAL SPRING MAKEOVERS!

By Elizabeth Hanes

The long, gray winter is almost over, and it's time to start thinking about bikinis and beach volleyball, or at least caftans and coolers on the patio! So you've put on a little weight and haven't shaved your legs for six months; now's your chance to get inspired to make yourself over in the image of one of the world's supermodels. We'll show you how!

We invited all three Happy Woman magazine readers to balmy Toronto to receive the star treatment. Their before and after photos, plus full details on how we accomplished their amazing transformations, are below. Special thanks to Maybelle cosmetics, who provided all the products used in our makeovers, and hair stylist to the stars Jean-Jacques Jacquejean for his professional support. We also wish to thank the Sip-Sip Club for providing an open bar throughout the makeover sessions.

Makeover 1:

Irma Popefish
BEFORE

Problems: splotchy skin, general homeliness.

Solution: Our makeup artist dipped Irma headfirst into Maybelle's "Tannish Taupe" latex-based foundation for all-over coverage. This fantastic new product literally bonds to the skin, sealing it off from light, air, and water. Once you've applied it, wait 6 weeks and then peel it off like old paint from the west side of a house. It's that simple! To help conceal the I'm-perpetually-hungover bags under Irma's eyes, we applied movie star style sunglasses. Easy and effective! Plus, short of plastic surgery it was the only thing we could think of.

Irma Popefish
AFTER

Esmerelda St. Vincent
BEFORE

Problems: embarrassing facial hair, receding hairline

Solution: First, we applied organic sea kelp mixed with lavender oil to gently bleach Esmerelda's facial hair. When that didn't work, we applied "LeBlanc Crème" industrial bleaching solution, which did the job effectively by burning that unsightly facial hair right off! Then we applied soothing aloe gel to ease the minor irritation, followed by a release from liability agreement to ease the possibility of a lawsuit. Next, we employed a scalp masseur to increase blood flow to the constricted scalpal area above the forehead. His application of a proprietary concoction of cow spit, mink essence, and yarrow root worked a miracle in restoring Esmerelda's hairline! Lastly, we created a necklace from old makeup sponges and hung them around Es's throat to hide her "turkey neck" problem. Doesn't she look radiant?

Esmerelda St. Vincent
(AFTER)

Rusti Bangor
(BEFORE)

Problem: we think it's obvious

Solution: To rid Rusti of her unwanted body hair, we turned to the experts at Le Depilatoire. Following 10 relaxing hours of waxing, Rusti was stretchered from the salon hair-free! She says she's looking forward to repeating the process every four weeks. Next, our makeup artists used a trapezoidal sponge to apply contouring blush in the "Spawning Salmon" shade, followed by 27 coats of "He Hit Me" color black mascara and finishing with "Drunken Vampire" red lipstick from Maybelle's "LeStat" line. Outfitted in Temptress brand lingerie from the Fred's Busy Bottom catalogue, Rusti is ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille!

Rusti Bangor
AFTER

We hope this inspires you to boldly undertake your own spring makeover. Remember, even the homeliest among us can transform herself into a woman who looks like a fashion model, or at least a porn actress.

Photos courtesy of www.d.hd.org