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The Skinny By Elaine Langlois

Episode 3 Exclusive: Entertaining the Star Wars Way

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, people struggled with many of the same problems you and I do, one of which was entertaining. Do Ewoks eat meat? Does anyone really drink blue milk? Do droids need portalets? Should you invite an arboreal Dug and a Toydarian to the same party?

Forget Martha. For answers-and an event your guests can't stop thinking about no matter how hard they try-entertain them the Star Wars way!

Ambiance

Being a successful hostess begins with having the right attitude. "Be mindful of the living Force," play soft jazz, and use plenty of attractive groupings of pillar candles, and you will establish an atmosphere sure to put your guests at ease.

Do not fail in this very important task of tending to your guests' emotional needs. As Yoda points out, and as we all know from dealing with our coworkers, "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." And pretty soon, some brooding, sulky Jedi whips out a lightsaber and starts whacking people, wreaking havoc with your carefully planned décor.

Theme Parties

Consider a funny hat or hairdo theme. Set the tone yourself with one of the hairstyles worn by Padmé (Natalie Portman) in the first three episodes. Choices range from "bat ears" to "mushroom" to "bighorn sheep" to stuffing your hair in a wicker vase. Top with an oversized feather duster or fancy dishtowel. For a come-hither finish, don a corset of light armor and a trendy blast-damping underskirt.

The Guest List

Your "A" list should include a good number of men you'd like to date, as well as a substantially smaller number of women who are unattractive or otherwise "safe." Whether your taste runs to the adventurous bounty-hunter type ("I'm just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe"), a fellow the Force is strong with (mm!), or maybe even the One who will bring balance to the Force, give yourself plenty of opportunities to be "seduced by the Dark Side."

The Menu

Fish is a delicious and healthful entrée perfect for summer dining. Before deciding to serve it, though, consider whether any of your guests, like so many of the characters in Star Wars, are fish-faced. You don't want to offend anyone.

Arrangements of fresh, seasonal fruit are popular and can be an unexpected source of fun. Instead of leaving guests to "use the forks," encourage them to "do a Jar Jar" and reach for it with their tongues.

Plan a generous spread if your guest list includes Wookies ("Always thinking with [their] stomach[s]") and especially Jedi. "Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things." But steak, pepperoni pizza, and baby back ribs, a Jedi does. The following recipes will get you off to a good start:

Jabba's Own Lizard Tartare

30 pounds live lizards
10 tablespoons brown mustard
5 tablespoons hot pepper sauce
10 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
10 tablespoons brandy
30 eggs
salt and pepper to taste

Mix in a large bucket and enjoy!

Princess Leia's Favorite Cinnamon Buns

1 package rolls
½ cup butter (melted)

½ cup brown sugar

¼ cup chopped walnuts or pecans

½ teaspoon cinnamon

Arrange rolls in 9" round cake pan. Mix other ingredients and sprinkle over them. Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Allow to cool completely; then affix to ears.

Entertainment

Guests do well when given a few simple tasks to accomplish. As young Anakin Skywalker points out in The Phantom Menace, "the biggest problem in this universe is that nobody helps each other."

For example, if people have (as people do!) carelessly parked in front of a fire hydrant or neighbor's driveway, ask a Jedi to levitate the cars and move them to a better spot.

Jedi knights are able to influence the thoughts of the weak-minded, which will probably encompass a good number of your guests. Imagine the amusement they can generate by making partygoers do imitations of chickens, walk barefoot across your fire pit, or hop naked about the backyard.

A Last Word

Plan your party carefully, execute with spirit, and remember this useful advice from Yoda: "You must unlearn what you have learned. Try not. Do . . . or do not. There is no trying."

Good luck! May the Force be with you.

© 2005 Elaine Langlois

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Please Note:

Elaine will be taking a much deserved break and will return with her inimitable brand of humour in September!