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The Skinny By Elaine Langlois

The Survivor Makeup Bag:

What One Makeup Item Would You Wrestle a Rat For? PART ONE


Day 14: Found a moment alone today with the Ice Princess. Mentioned how it was too bad I didn't have any retinol in my bag, as she could certainly use some. She went berserk. Hitting, spitting, vituperation. The camerapersons came running and got it all.

Day 15: I am seriously tired of bugs. Today I just had to vomit. I quickly put on some cover-up and fooled those ghoulish camerapersons long enough to get away and throw up privately. Blowing chow on camera is suicide.

We lost our second immunity challenge (a pogo-stick race around the island) and voted Malburn off. We were getting tired of him telling us how he used to eat dog biscuits and dirt.

Day 16: Made good use of an opportunity to slam Serendipity. I offered her my Manipulé Blush in Prurient Plum, which she declined. Then I got in a little private time with the camera: "I offered Serendipity my blush, but she refused it. Sharing makeup is a way for people to get to know each other. I don't know what's wrong with her. She looks so pasty and peevish. She's probably ill or out of sorts. I have to question whether she can continue to be a good tribe member."

Day 17: I'm so hungry, even my makeup bag is starting to look good. So I'm cutting off little pieces with my manicure scissors and dipping them in seawater and slowly chewing them up. It used to be part of a cow, right?

Tomorrow will be our last immunity challenge before the two tribes are combined. Today we held a meeting to consider our strategy. We swore to vote together to eliminate all the Hai Karates from the island. If we're to continue to outnumber them, we have to win tomorrow.

Day 18: This was a day that I will never forget. We had to draw straws to face a combined immunity and reward challenge. I drew the short straw for Chi Hua Hua, and the Author did for Hai Karate.

The challenge was that they would take one of our most treasured possessions, and we had to get it back. For the Author it was his copy of The Sun Also Rises. He was supposed to climb a really high coconut tree to get it. But he refused. "I could break my neck," he said. "I'll just hit a Borders on the way home and get another one."

What had they taken from me? My heart pounded as Jeff ripped a tarp off a large pet cage. Inside was my super-soft eyeliner pencil. Clutched in the paws of a huge black rat.

I needed that pencil. It is what I use to give myself that look of haunted innocence at tribal council that drives men wild and causes them not to vote me off no matter what bonehead thing I did that day.

Suddenly it came to me. This was my moment. It is true what Gildor says to Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring: "Courage is found in unlikely places." I crawled into the cage and we wrestled. He was fighting like a cornered rat, biting, slashing me with his claws. Finally I did this move like Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo and flipped him over and wrested my pencil from him. He fled squeaking into the jungle.

My tribe cheered. They hoisted me on their shoulders and did a victory parade. They made garlands for me and held a feast in my honor (we got pizzas and beer for the reward challenge). I am confident that I can cover the bites and scratches with my concealer. I think Chaz spoke for Lafe as well as himself when he said, "If only she'd take off her top, dude."

We are riding high. The Author was voted off.