PUBLISHED MONTHLY
EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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HURRAH! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!

By Kristin Dreyer Kramer

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5) Make your surroundings look like a Hollywood production.

As I've said before, your wedding should be as grandiose and impressive as possible. Your surroundings when you say your vows should be extravagant enough to make your wedding video look like a major motion picture (and maybe, when it's all over, you can make some extra money by selling your video to Universal or Disney or someone).

Why not make the church look like a tropical rain forest? That would be very impressive. You should remember, however, to be careful when choosing the wild animals. For instance, I've heard that some varieties of parrot get quite loud and violent if they're exposed to certain varieties of snapdragon.

6) Carefully choreograph your reception.

We've all been to disastrous wedding receptions - when the best man took full advantage of the open bar and proceeded to embarrass the bride and groom during his toast. That's why you should be sure to script the speeches for your reception. If you write each person's speech, you won't have to worry about your in-laws hearing any stories about the stupid things you did when you were in high school.

Don't hold back when writing you reception speeches! The longer - and the more detailed - the better. Everyone loves long speeches - much more than eating wedding cake. Tell in-depth stories about all of the wonderful things you've done and the witty things you've said. If you've never done anything wonderful or said anything witty, just make them up. No one will know the difference.

You, too, can have the wedding of your dreams! With a lot of time and effort (you'll want to quit your job as soon as possible - you won't have enough time for it) and the help of your friends and family (and everyone you've ever known whose talents you can take advantage of), you'll have no problem being the best bride ever! And years from now, you'll look back at your pictures, and you'll remember just how perfect it all was - because you took the time to make it that way!


About the author:

Kristin Dreyer Kramer escaped (barely!) from advertising agency life and is now a freelance writer (starving artist) who peddles her wares to a number of publications (under a number of super-secret identities). She recently snagged herself a new husband (Paul), who somehow manages to put up with her incessant silliness. You can reach Kristin for compliments, complaints, and generous donations at krdrkr@hotmail.com. And you can read her bi-weekly column about her recent wedding-planning insanity (it's called "Veils and Flamethrowers") at YourWeddingPlan.