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EST. May 2000 (AD)




How to Become a Yummy Mummy

By Ulrike Lemmin-Woolfrey

Now, just because you are pregnant, there is no reason to let yourself slide down that slippery road of "I am eating for two" or "I am too tired to make an effort." Just look at the many celebrities who, after all, are people like you and me, and who sincerely assure you in every interview that a little extra money or the help of twenty staff make them no different to any of you non-celebrity moms-to-be. Take a leaf out of their book to prevent yourself from turning into a misshapen, greasy-haired, sweats-clad lump with an attitude to match. Yes, with these easy hints and tips, you too can become a Yummy Mummy, as the moms-to-be who take care of themselves are so deliciously called.

Together with pregnancy and carrying around a small canine, the other 'happening' celebrity fad is, of course, yoga. Yoga strengthens your muscles making sure that your body does not end up looking as if you swallowed a melon, but will instead ensure that you stay in your size six jeans until month eight, and also letting your belly spring back into its flat washboard shape seconds after you popped your load. Not only will your body benefit and look as gorgeous as any lollipop celebrity's, but it also nurtures your soul, giving you the strength to not let this new addition to your life interfere with it at all, fitting comfortably around your schedule without problems or much re-organization. It simply is an exercise of mind over matter.

Obviously non-yummy things such as morning sickness, lethargy, swollen ankles and such undesirable side-effects will only be inflicted on the weak-willed and there is nothing as un-flattering as a complaining mom-to-be. Ensure that your happiness glows through every time you feel that you are being watched, and keep some large black shades handy for those rare moments when your willpower may be in danger of suffering a tiny lapse.

Apart from yoga, the right diet will not only keep your strength up, but will ensure that that body does not gain one unnecessary ounce. The most popular diet is made up of a piece of fruit in the morning, a plain green salad for lunch, and a fist-size portion of steamed chicken breast or bland fish for dinner, and - not forgetting that you are after all eating for two - have a couple of slivers of carrot, or maybe a spoonful of broccoli. Must keep the baby healthy!

With that body taken care off, it is important to ensure that your hair is immaculate at all times. There is nothing worse than those limp locks with roots showing, that seem to be acceptable to some pregnant women - this is not the time to let yourself go. However busy or strapped for cash you may be, regular visits to your hairdresser are a must. The best hairstyle suited to Yummy Mummies is the blonde-streaked, layered mid-length, blow-dried style. Streaks that look so natural, layers that only take a teensy weensy bit of daily styling to make them fall nice and straight, ensuring that you too can gently swish your hair whilst walking and talking, feeling perfect throughout the day. And all you have to do is to style first thing every morning, or, if you getting a tad tired, pop into your stylist on the way to the shops - and you're ready to go.

Daily make-up to enhance your perfect skin and add to your pregnancy glow only takes an hour or so, and can easily be fitted in between gagging over the toilet bowl, styling your hair, bringing up bile, and figuring out which heels to wear that day.

Obviously no Yummy Mummy could be seen in flats. It is only a myth that your feet grow by a size when pregnant and that comfortable shoes make carrying the load easier, whereas your trusted Manolos go perfectly with your tiny jeans and belly-free rock-chick tank top. Finding your balance on the heels will also let your coiffed hair sway gently, showing off the layers and subtle streaks to their best advantage.

When it comes to the birth itself, there are two approaches suited to Yummy Mummies: depending on your schedule, either you could fit in a cesarean between appointments - often a mid-morning section is best, as this ensures that you don't miss lunch with the girls. If you want to go 'natural', then you might want to schedule a whole day. Yoga and your positive attitude will ensure that there will be no pain, only a serene spiritual experience. Whichever way you decide is best for you, remember to bring your pre-pregnancy clothes for the journey to lunch, home or back into the office.

Obviously a new baby is a welcome addition to your family and daily life. It is such fun to show a stylish black-and-white photo of your little newcomer off at parties and during lunches. Even popping into the café around the corner pushing one of those nice three-wheel buggies can be chic, as on those occasions you can show off those gorgeous little designer outfits you have purchased so lovingly for baby.

All in all, pregnancy and motherhood are a very rewarding experience, and so this-minute. Being a Yummy Mummy makes it all the more so, as you can truly have it all - the looks, the accessorized baby, and your normal life - laughing in the face of those who can't cope, but without being smug. Mind over matter, girls!

© 2005 Ulrike Lemmin-Woolfrey


Ulrike Lemmin-Woolfrey is a freelance writer who has turned her back on Europe and is living it up in Oman, marveling at the mysteries of globalization, which has managed to bring the phenomenon of Yummy Mummies as far as the Middle East.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if you starved to death on one of our diets or you took out your liver by mistake. Unless otherwise noted all material © 2000 - 2018 Sharon Grehan-Howes ( aka Sharon Jeffcock ) Happy Woman Magazine All Rights Reserved