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EST. May 2000 (AD)

 
 

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Four Easy Steps for Getting Back into the Dating Scene

By Valerie Tandoi

Maybe you’ve just gotten out of a five year relationship.  Maybe you’ve been too focused on your career.  Maybe for a while you had just given up on men completely. Whatever the case may be, getting back into the dating scene can be a very scary thing.  

Never fear, here are some simple steps that can help a single gal get through the exhausting process that society has created to help us find a husband.

Step 1: Knowing the Key Terms

*A contender- Any man interested in dating or hooking up with you.  It doesn’t matter if he is way too old, excessively short, has bad teeth or doesn’t speak English.  If he has an interest, he’s still part of the game.

*An option- Any of these contenders that you would consider dating based on their looks or what you know of their personality.  You don’t have to be ready to give birth to their first born son or anything at this point, just someone decent enough to make the cut.

*A repeat offender- Someone from the contender pool that you have previously dated, made out with or had sex with.  Once word spreads that you are back on the market, repeat offenders tend to pop up like wildfire.  Many of them have no shame and don’t worry about how badly your last encounter ended.  So beware of these saucy predators.

*Your favorite mistake- Every woman has one.  That one guy…an ex-boyfriend, a male best pal, someone you hooked up with at a few frat parties in college.  You know he is no good for you as a boyfriend, but he is just like a big piece of chocolate cake being waved in front of your face while you are PMS-ing.  It’s hard for you to resist this man and you will probably end up giving into him at least once during this fragile time.  Think of him as the leader of the pack of repeat offenders.  

Step 2: Setting Up the oh so Fun Online Profile

It’s 2010, so stop lying to yourself.  You know you and your girlfriends have tried online dating.  It’s barely even considered taboo anymore.  I know, I know: you are pretty and smart.  You have a college degree and own your own home.  You are totally above needing to troll the internet for strangers.  Remember last week when a cute guy whose named you pretended sounded familiar added you on Facebook and you sent him a welcome message?  Well that totally counts as internet seduction, so even if you are in denial you should set up a profile on an official dating site anyway.  

Make sure that you post lots of sexy pictures.  This will attract only the best contenders.   Self-portraits of you half dressed and standing in front of a mirror are best.

Write a really long description of exactly what you are looking for in a relationship and your interests.  Men totally read the whole thing and never just glance through.  Make sure to use keywords to describe yourself such as wild, exotic and sensual.  This is a sure way to attract a grade-A gentleman looking for a long-term commitment.

Make sure if someone sends you a greeting, a wink, a smile or whatever they are calling it on that particular website that you send one back.  So what if you are not attracted to them and their profile looks like it was pieced together by someone with the brain capacity of an 8th grader?  There is nothing wrong with some harmless e-flirting to raise your self-esteem.

Step 3: Learning how to be “On the Prowl”

Being on the prowl is not just a pick up technique, it’s a complete state of mind that can be used  in social situations.

When at a bar or night club with friends, immediately stand next to the most busted girl there.  This automatically will raise you up one notch on the hotness scale.  If you are having fun with your friends but no males are approaching you, temporarily ditch the people you came with and walked a few laps around the room alone.  Your single friends cause too much competition and your married friends will probably get jealous of your flirtations and ruin your efforts…so work alone.  While prowling if you spot a hottie, gracefully find a way to get the man’s attention such as bumping into him boobs first, spilling your drink on his designer shirt or just simply walking up to him and starting to make out with him.  

Step 4: Communication after the first date

Congratulations, at this point the dates have started to pour in via dive bars and the internet (clearly, the two best places of all time to meet men).  Remember not to act desperate after the first date, this will scare away your potential new boyfriend.  If you text someone constantly and leave them 27 Facebook messages a day and stalk their Twitter account, they will probably run for the hills.  To avoid this common dating mistake, keep a pipeline of men going at all times.  It’s just like in sales, the more prospects you have the greater your chances of closing the deal.  Always be dating / chatting with at least eight guys at once.  This way it will take you a very long time to perform your obsessive behaviors causing you to send fewer texts and messages to each individual man.  The longer the gap in your response time to each man, the more they will be intrigued, thinking that you have your own life.  So what if you are really spending your free time harassing someone else from your dating pool?  What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.  

The dating process can be exciting if you follow these simple and practical rules.  Never give up on your search for a mate.  Eventually, you will find someone more desperate than you are and live happily ever after. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Valerie Tandoi holds a bachelor’s degree from Caldwell College and is a local freelance writer. She runs a South Jersey happy hour & nightlife group and enjoys nights out on the town with friends.