Jenna from the beginning.
July
July 5 Irene has a party to celebrate Jenna's birthday and she finds out her mother is coming to visit.
Excerpt:
It took me all morning to identify that horrible smell, until I realized it was me. It took me over an hour to make coffee because I couldn't remember how to work the coffee scoop.
July 12 Jenna goes job hunting and her mother arrives to stay with her.
Excerpt:
I'm so glad the phone didn't ring because, I don't know the name of the company. I looked on the door and it's just a number, there is no letterhead and the computer requires a password. I didn't bring anything to read so I thought I would write some poetry.
I woke up at 6:15, I'll have to mark that down for overtime...
July 19 Jenna's mother fixes Jenna up on a blind date.
Excerpt:
"After dinner those lunatics put Michael and me on the couch together and started cooing about "what a pwetty picture". Talking about what beautiful grandchildren we would make for them. It was appalling!
July 26 Jenna deals with rejection and receives a surprise gift from a relative.
Excerpt:
She smoked like a chimney and made me play endless games of eye spy (which she cheated at) I'm pretty sure she was drunk all the time but I can't say for sure because I was.
August
August 9 Jenna plans a vacation and suspects her mother is stealing from her.
Excerpt:
My head is burning, I tried to wash my hair but there is something wrong with the extensions. they kind of look like my Barbie after I washed her hair in the toilet with Lysol.
August 16 Jenna goes up to the cottage with her mother, her friend Aimee and Michael. Jenna has big plans to seduce Michael, and he is there to wean their mother's off Precious Moment's Collectibles.
Excerpt:
I stood across the street from the Second Cup until I saw him go in. I waited ten minutes so that I could rush in like I had just come from work. (Which I hadn't because I left at noon to get ready for this) and I even took a briefcase which was empty but a nice touch.
August 23 Jenna fakes a flu to cover her humiliation and hitches a ride into town with a born-again Christian.
Excerpt:
I am going completely bat shit. It is Africa hot in this room and the only thing to read is a Reader's Digest from 1947 and I have increased my wordpower but I know more than I want to about Joe's Liver.
August 30 Jenna has found the Lord and makes new resolutions for herself.
Excerpt:
Aimee and Mum still think I've got some sort of fever and keep asking how me I feel. I just kept smiling beatifically at them as they don't know the joy, but they kept asking me until it got on my nerves so much I screamed that it was inner peace and stormed into the house.
September 2000
September 6 Jenna tries to spread the "word" and comes up with a brilliant idea to solve her mother's financial troubles.
Excerpt:
My friends are all losers and sinners. I decided to take out my phone book and apologize to anyone I might have wronged and ask their forgiveness.
I only got to the B's. I phoned Jenny and apologized for stealing her boyfriend last year. Well it turns out she didn't know that I had done that.
September13 Jenna discovers that she has a knack for organization and she falls in love with a stranger.
Excerpt:
I was so good at telling everybody what to do. "Put this over there, put that on top" I even put a pen behind my ear which I thought would really add to it but the damn thing leaked and I'm still trying to get the ink off the back of my neck.
September 20 Jenna is totally infatuated by a mysterious stranger and Jenna's mom starts a romance of her own.
Excerpt:
A question occurred to me earlier. If I'm in love etc. then why am I spending my Saturday night watching Big Brother and sloughing the dead skin off my feet?
September 29 Jenna finally meets the love of her life face to face and has a blowout at work.
Excerpt:
I am going out of my mind with boredom. I tidied a bit and did a bit of decoupage. I didn't really mean to do decoupage but I was painting my toenails,knocked over a bottle of polish and the TV guide stuck to it.
October
October 6 Jenna lands a new job and gets lost in fantasies about her new beau.
Excerpt:
If people aren't going to answer the door they should at least have the courtesy to pretend they aren't home. At one house the woman didn't even hide behind the curtains she just stood at the window as I tried to explain in pantomime what I was doing there.
Not only did I not make a sale, no one even opened the door to me
October 13 After getting arrested and losing the love of her life all in the same day, Jenna falls into a depression and is nursed back to health by Michael.
Excerpt:
Finally had to eat something. I ate four Triscuits and four squirts of whipped cream. The nozzle was clogged and blew the rest in my face and hair
I don't care.
October 20 Jenna has to go hat in hand to her mother for a loan while Michael drives her crazy with his attentions.
Excerpt:
It was so lonely being out there with everyone.
I sat on a park bench watching all those happy people and feeding the pigeons until one crapped on my head and I went home.
October 26 Jenna starts a new job at a Flea Market and appears on television.
Excerpt:
I always imagined that at this time in my life I would be wearing Capri pants in the evening and eating fondue with my husband the writer, and our friends. We'd play charades and listen to pop music on the HiFi. By day I would be busy at the news station dressed in fine tailored suits and have a laugh with my whacky co-workers.
Mary Tyler Moore has wrecked my life.
November
November 4 Jenna deals with her very brief television fame and meets her father for the first time.
Excerpt:
I remember putting on the hat for a bit of fun, a sort of in joke between me and the interviewer but if I'd known that was all they were going to use, I probably would have gone for the singing fish on a plaque--there is no way anyone can look stupid next to that.
Also, would it have killed anybody to let me know my blouse was done up wrong? Would it?
 November 10 Jenna finds out some seedy things about her mother's past.
Excerpt:
I admit I wasn't all that close to the man I thought was my father.
I just remember that he liked to read the cereal box in the morning and the paper at night. He wore socks with sandals at the beach, pronounced the Z's in pizza and loved licorice Allsorts
That's about it.
Quality time wasn't as popular then as it is now.
November 17 Jenna spends Thanksgiving with her brand new family.
Excerpt:
I agonized over what to wear because I'm not sure what kind of daughter he wants.
November 25 Jenna looks forward to a night out on the town with the girls. She recalls her past relationship with Andy and she tells Michael to get lost.
Excerpt:
I remember swirling around the dance floor planning our future, thinking about what our kids would look like and where we would live. I had the entire first floor of the house decorated by 1:05 which isn't bad considering it was pretty noisy in there.
December
December 2 Jenna starts to miss Michael and has another "girls night out". Her half sister Megan starts calling Jenna asking all about Michael.
Excerpt:
I wanted to scream at them, to yell "what's happened to you? Do you hear how stupid you sound?!!" But I didn't, because I'm officially out of friends and I need whatever ones I can get even if I don't like them anymore.
December 8 Jenna has a new assistant at work but she is feeling lonely in her personal life. Suddenly Michael doesn't seem so bad after all.
Excerpt:
Her name is Brittany and I HATE HER. She's about 5'9" and weighs between 2-3 pounds. Her hair is in perky spikes and every sentence seems to be drawn on her last breath...
December 15 Irene asks Jenna to be a bridesmaid and Jenna hatches a plan to lure Michael back.
Excerpt:
I feel so energized---it's like when I found the Lord and became a Christian (note to God: if this Michael thing works out, I promise to find a church I like and attend as much as I can.)
December 22 Jenna has the worst Christmas of her life.
Excerpt:
My father has invited me over for drinks at seven Christmas Day after dinner. Drinks! Like they have a no bastard children for dinner rule.
I feel like Tiny Tim except I'm not lame and I don't have parents who treasure me.
December 29 Jenna meets a brand new man at a New Year's Eve party and her mother opens a brand new store.
Excerpt:
I phoned Jenny about the change of plans, and how I would really enjoy going out and having fun instead of going to her place and she hung up on me.
She is so selfish.
What am I going to wear?
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