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Jenna's
Diary
Sept
13
God
what a mess!!! My mother who used to make June Cleaver look like Al Bundy
has completely deteriorated.
I took the day off work and we went to her house to catalogue the inventory
of the Precious Moments crap.
It
was a lot more fun to think about the idea than it was actually doing
it.
All
these dusty sad eyed figures on every surface you can imagine, the toilet
tank, window sills, the linen closet. It was like that episode of Trilogy
of Terror with Karen Black where the little statues goes nuts.
I
kind of like this feeling of being in charge though. I've got a clipboard
and a brand new serious face. I haven't been in charge of anything since
I was a bus monitor and got my head stuck in the window, but
when I was standing in my mom's house with a clipboard I was in charge--
it was this fabulous feeling of power.
I took control of my mom and lumpy Aimee and they helped me with the names
of the statues and between sobs they would give me a brief description
and caress the figurines as if they gave birth to them.
My
mom never in her life looked at me like she looked at "Sew in Love"
and I'm pretty grateful.
Sept
14
It
took 4 hours to load all the stuff into the office. Mr. Van Heusan was
twittering around like some sort of budgie asking "what are you doing"
"You can't put this stuff here". "Why should I pay the
delivery men, I didn't ask for this to be delivered".
O.K.
to be fair I hadn't mentioned it, but did he have to make such a fuss
over everything?
This
take charge thing is really working for me. Maybe this was what I was
meant to do all along. Maybe I'm going to be one of those people who when
somebody needs something done they go "Oh, we should get Jenna on
the case, she'll get things done". Or "This is a mess what are
we gonna do? Call, Jenna she'll straighten this out"
I
firmly took Mr. Van Heusan aside and told him that I was taking care of
everything and remembering that he was spirituality starving I threw in
that it was the Lord's work. That shut him up. He just sort of wrung his
hands and then went out for lunch.
I
was so good at telling everybody what to do. "Put this over there,
put that on top" I even put a pen behind my ear which I thought would
really add to it but the damn thing leaked and I'm still trying to get
the ink off the back of my neck.
This
is different somehow. I've even got a brand new way of listening. Before
I would listen and if my name didn't come up in like 5 seconds I would
stop listening and hum or something, but now I fix my eyes right on the
person speaking and tip my head to the side, narrow my eyes and nod occasionally.
I
think this along with my Christianity is really going to change me.
Maybe
I can use my leadership skills to form brand new religion since I haven't
had the time to find one that suits me.
I
am so good at this.
Sept
15
Why
is everybody expecting me to have all the answers?
I
took out an ad in the paper expecting maybe 5 or ten calls-- 400 calls
later--I cannot believe that there are so many Precious Moments maniacs
out there.
The
phone was ringing like every second, and they're asking questions like
do we take visa and can we come see them and can you reserve, do you have
Twiddle Dum or the limited edition Dipshit or whatever. How the hell do
I know?
Mr.
Van Heusan didn't even help! I kept glaring at him but he pretended not
to see me and just kept on building his house of cards.
I
could not believe his attitude. Here I am using his office, his telephone
his money and he won't even help me!!!
I
finally took the phone off the hook and decided that I would maybe go
to a church for guidance, but it was such a nice day I went to a matinee
instead.
Sept
16
I
hate coming home. Not only did I have to deal with freaks and fanatics
all day I have to face act two with mum and Aimee at home.
(Mental
Note: I know why my mother is here--but why is Aimee here all the time?
All they seem to do all day is twist damp tissues).
Anyway
they wanted a full report of what was sold and for how much.
Like I know!!!!
I left my clipboard with the inventory sheet in the movie theatre and
I bought a nice ledger to record all the purchases but I forgot to fill
it in.
All
I know is that the stupid phone won't stop ringing and I'm scared to go
to sleep because one of those creepy things might've followed me home.
Sept
17
My
mother is furious. She found out I was selling everything for flat five
bucks each. Apparently she paid ten times that for some of them and 100
times that for four of them.
She
is a lunatic.
Then I made a big mistake big, big mistake. I told her if she knew so
much why doesn't she sell them?
She
starts tomorrow. Why can't I keep my mouth shut. If I had a Bible I would
read it for instruction or solace or whatever but I don't so I just watched
TV.
Sept
18
O.K.
I've been to hell.
Nobody but nobody, deserves the day I have had. Mr. Van Heusan is positively
moony over my mom. She's explaining Tender Tails and Happy Trip
to him and he's hanging on every word as if she's giving him the secret
to eternal life.
There
are only two desks in the office so my mom and I are playing "sharesies"."
Two career gals!" She hiked the prices so high I swore that she would
never get a buyer but evidently there are people even crazier than her.
I
was desperately to finish a crossword and there she was blabbing on the
phone to another fanatic about retirements, suspensions and the market.
It was like she was using a whole other part of her brain that she's hidden
from me.
When
she's not arranging viewings, she's mournfully turning the statues over
and over in her hands.
Mr.
Van Heusan watches her transfixed--at one point it was positively erotic
and I almost ralphed.
The
only good thing is this kinda cute guy came in. I'd talked to him on the
phone the other day and he said he said I had a really great voice. (Which
I do, next to my ankles and teeth my voice is one of my best features.)
My
new resolution is to only like guys who like me back so this might be
a good start.
He
didn't seem really interested in the figurines which was a fabulous breath
of fresh air he seemed to be interested in me. It was hard to get a chance
to talk to him what with my mom doing some bizarre sort of Precious Moments
runway presentation, but he kept looking at me as she prattled.
I
played it really casual but still wanted to look interested. I was going
to put my pen in my mouth seductively but after the leak the other day
I didn't dare. Instead I very flirtatiously kept flicking my hair.
He
was smiling at me very sweetly until I guess I flicked a little too hard
and knocked Princess Melody out of my mother's hands.
All
hell broke loose. She started shrieking and scrambling around the floor
grabbing shards. I tried to help her but her head spun round (not all
the way, but almost) looked me in the eye and told me I was evil, pure
evil.
Mr.
Van Heusan was comforting her as she sat on the floor cradling Melody's
head screaming "Why, Why?"
In
all the commotion the cute guy left. Maybe my mother calling me pure evil
is not a ringing endorsement but would it have killed him to ask me out
for a coffee?
Sept
19
My
mother refused to get on the same bus to work as me so I had to wait for
the next one. Big Punishment--at least now I'm sitting with crazy people
I don't know.
When
I got off at my stop I noticed the cute guy from yesterday was peeking
around the corner of my office building.
I walked past really casual and took a quick glance down the alley but
I couldn't see him.
I
tried it 7 more times until I realized he was gone.
He
really is cute in a windblown, rugged outdoorsy way. Not Marlboro mannish,
more like Sam Elliot mixed with Sam Waterston, but his eyes have this
amazing intensity. He could be just the thing I need right now, other
than the Lord etc.
I
think I'm in love!!!!!
Copyright
© 2000 www.happywomanmagazine.com
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