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Jenna's
Diary appears biweekly.
September
2
Diana
moved in yesterday. I offered to help but she had a couple
of friends with her. I was dying to see what kind of stuff
she had but I didn't want to appear nosy so I dusted her doorframe
until they closed the door.
Her
friends are really terrific. Tamara is very chic, very sophisticated.
She's the one I'll probably be sharing witty repartee and
bon mots with while Kate, the quiet one will probably end
up being the one I go to for advice.
My
stupid friends are so busy yacking about themselves and their
stupid boring lives they hardly have any time to listen to
my (much more interesting) problems. Irene called yesterday
to say that her husband has taken a job in San Francisco.
She is totally destroyed even though anyone with half an eye
would have seen it coming. Well, not the San Francisco part
or the new job part but the rest of it. She's spent the past
three months going to couple's counselling by herself so you
don't need to be rocket scientist to figure it out.
Jenny
and her husband are making an attempt at reconciliation. They've
been going on "dates". That is just so weird. I
figure people who've washed other people's crusty socks or
watched them throw up shouldn't be able to go on dates anymore.
It's just as strange as if they said "Let's pretend we're
nurses." But I didn't feel like talking so I told her
that it was a good idea.
No
wonder I'm desperately seeking new friends. The old ones are
so screwed up.
September
5
I
had a "get to know each other" dinner with Diana
last night and it went great! She is sooooooo interesting.
She's been all over the world, met people so famous no one's
heard of them and has a wealthy family to boot! It just doesn't
seem fair some how for someone to have so much when others
have so little.
She
has a really neat way of talking. It's like once she's brought
the words to her mouth there is an additional filtering process
so it sounds like she swallowed the consonants. A Mia Farrow/Gwyneth
Paltrow kind of thing. Even the way she says "yes"
or "yeah" is cool. It comes out kind of like "yah".
I've been practicing but I still sound like a duck honking.
Her
hair is cut in a very plain, very simple style. The sort of
style that screams out "I cost 200 dollars!" and
her clothes are much the same way.
She
holds her coffee cup with two hands - I thought that only
happened in commercials! - and she is so great at leaning.
I
was fascinated by her every movement. I could really learn
a lot from her. After all, if I hadn't had the misfortune
to be born to my parents I probably would have turned out
very much like her.
This
is going to be great.
Unfortunately
we had to cut the evening short as she had to attend some
sort of work-related party.
Wow.
September
6
My
mother asked me if I had a cold."You sound like you're
all stuffed up."
Argh.
It is just so like my mother not to notice a mid-Atlantic
accent.
I
felt really depressed at the office today. There's Diana off
meeting and greeting high-profile clients heading out for
lunch meetings at places with one syllable names while I'm
entering orders for Precious Moments collectibles into a computer
and lunching at Coffee Time.
I've
really got to move on, this isn't what I should be doing.
I'm hoping that once Diana and I become best friends she will
be able to find me something in her field that is more suited
toward my considerable talents.
September
8
This
morning when I got up Diana was on the living room floor kneeling,
arched over backward holding onto her heels. I thought there
was something wrong and was just about to call 911 when she
sat upright.
She
is really into yoga and asked if I minded if she did it in
the living room as there was more room. I told her no, that
in fact I was really into Eastern stuff. I told her about
the my last apartment and Feng Shui and then I told her that
I used to do yoga for a couple of hours every night but that
I'd been so busy working I hadn't had a chance to do it for
a while. She
was really excited and suggested we start doing it together.
Whooo
hoooo! This is going to be great! The only hitch is that I've
never actually done yoga but how hard can it be? I saw a show
on television and it just looks like a lot of lying down and
breathing. I'll pick up a video while Diana's out and pick
up a few pointers. This is going to put us on the bonding
fast-track!
September
10
Oh.
God.
I'm
supposed to rest and apply an ice-pack every two hours but
hobbling to the kitchen to get the ice is hardly resting.
The doctor was completely unsympathetic and even smirked when
I asked if a groin strain would affect my ability to have
children. Diana while very helpful, seems to have cooled a
bit toward me.
I
thought it would really impress her if I skipped all the warming
up stuff and just jumped into a Chakrasana. Oh. God. I swear
I could actually hear the muscles rip.
Diana
asked me "Jenna be honest, have you every actually practiced
yoga before?"
I
very honestly replied "Not for a very long time."
Never
is a very long time.
Because
our yoga session lasted less than five minutes, well, more
if you count the emergency room, we really didn't get the
opportunity to bond. Which I guess is why she hasn't been
bringing me soup. Even if we didn't get a chance to bond you'd
think that someone would at the very least stay home one night
of their life.
September
14
I
can cough without my eyeballs popping out of my head so that's
a good sign I guess.
Not
that anyone would notice. I could be lying in my bed
starving to death with bugs eating my brain and who would
know? Diana is hardly ever here. Tuesday she came in
at 3:15 a.m., Wednesday 1:27 a.m. Thursday 2:16 a.m. and last
night she didn't even come home!
I
haven't said anything yet, but I do think as she is paying
half the rent she should be here at least half the time.
September
16
Oh,
that's just swell, they're out there in MY apartment, yucking
it up enjoying their lives while I lie here not more than
ten feet away at deaths door!
It
sounds like Tamara and Kate are there and there is another
voice, a foreign sounding man.
They
got in about half an hour ago and I've been waiting here for
Diana to ask me to join them but she hasn't so far. At first
it occurred to me that she might think I'm asleep so I coughed
a few times and when that didn't work I pretended I was on
the phone but no go. I might have to go to the washroom.
11:25
p.m.
I
hobbled out and Tamara and Kate were sooooo nice. They asked
if they could help me, how was I feeling blah, blah, blah
and they introduced me to this really interesting looking
man called Furio. We talked a bit and Kate poured me a glass
of wine. Just
as I was telling them all about my breakup with Jeff when
Diana said "Jenn, are you sure you should have a drink?
Aren't you on painkillers?" I told her one wouldn't hurt
but she said it would probably be best if I went off to bed
to rest up.
I
tried to refuse but she wouldn't hear of it and helped me
to my room.
It's
weird but it's almost like she didn't want me there.
12:15
No,
she called me "Jenn". If you don't want someone
somewhere you don't give shorten their name. If anything you
lengthen it. Maybe she's tired or maybe she was hoping that
her friends would leave so she could get to bed early and
me coming out and being all sparkly and bubbly and all would
have made them stay later.
Still...
it is my apartment and I'd prefer not to get the bum's rush.
I think tomorrow I'll give her the silent treatment - not
heavy duty like I do to my mother - just enough to make her
realize that she's done something wrong. She'll ask me if
anything is bothering me and I'll just say "No, nothing"
and then she'll pester me until I tell her and then she'll
apologize and I'll forgive her and then we can move on in
our friendship.
Except
for having to pee, I'm feeling better already.
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