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Jenna's
Diary
October
2
God,
my mom is a complete pain. She gave me such a hard time about
wanting to get my hair done. She just can't stand to see me
enjoy my life. "Jenna, why can't you schedule an appointment
or after work like most people?" blah, blah, Blah, responsibility,
blah, blah.
I
was going to tell her that if she kept up this sort of behaviour
then she could kiss her monthly visit from me good-bye when
I make it big and put her in a high class nursing home, but
I didn't, because I needed to borrow money to get my hair
done.
October
4
I
LOOK AWESOME!!!!! I look like Diana's twin!
The
stylist, Peter, knows Diana very well and even gave me some
gossip (Diana has had dandruff!!!! I can't even believe that).
The place is really top drawer. Black marble walls, black
marble floors - I could have been climbing towards the ceiling
and not have known it! The stylists were all wearing very
severe, form fitting costumes and each one was more beatific
than the next. I was a little intimidated at first but I tried
to think of how Diana would act in there and breezed in as
if I belonged. I told the stylist to give me whatever Diana
gets.
Oh,
my lord it takes hours and hours to get the simplicity just
right. First of all he had to dye my hair back to it's natural
colour to get rid of the big chunky frosting bits. Then he
applied not one, not two, not three but FOUR different colours
for the highlights/uplights.
As
for the actual cut, I swear he trimmed each hair individually.
This is the kind of salon where they give you wine. I really
belong in this circle.
October
7
I've
got "Yunh" down pat. No more "yes" no
more "yah" I'm "yunh" all the way. I thought
I had "Ola" down pat but Irene said it was actually
"Hola" and then wanted to know why I was answering
the phone in Mexican. God her world is narrow! She's the type
of person who would go to Russia and look for a McDonalds.
I on the other hand totally embrace multiculturalism as long
as I don't have to eat or smell anything weird.
I
am dying for Diana to see my new hairdo it but she's never
here when I am. This is no way to build a relationship. I
hear her coming in in the wee hours and when I get home from
work I know she's been there because there will be more stuff
in her laundry basket. Tamara says Diana gets like that -
totally obsessed with a man.
October
11
Both
my mother and the man who says he is my father have invited
me over for Thanksgiving dinner and I don't want to go to
either. My father's family hates me and that big knob Michael
will be there. (I cannot believe I slept with him, there is
no way the new Jenna would do that.) My stupid half-sister
Megan who is the devil incarnate and the bovine Katherine
will probably be there, not to mention Lilian who looks at
me like something she found on the bottom of her shoe. UGH.
The
only other option is spending it with my mom and Mr. Van Heusan
- as if I don't see enough of them!!!! Spending an afternoon
crammed into her cluttered Disney inspired dining room is
not the way I want to spend the holiday.
This
would probably be a terrific time to kick off the spend-the-holidays-with-Diana's
family- thing but she is from the US and so her Thanksgiving
doesn't happen until November. Bummer. It would have been
a perfect excuse to blow off both my parents.
Being
the supreme diplomat that I am, I decided to split the difference.
Dinner at my father's place and dessert at my mother's. Thanksgiving
is a time for family I guess and I can't wait to show off
my new look to Megan so she can just die with envy and watch
Michael as he yearns for me.
October
14
When
I got up this morning Diana was sitting in the living room.
She took one look at me and said "What did you do to
your hair?"
She seemed a little put off. She asked me where I had it done
and of course I couldn't let her know that I'd found the number
to her salon in her room so I had to pretend I stumbled across
it accidentally. She seemed to accept this but was irritated
all the same. Hmmmm. Is it at all possible that Diana could
be jealous of me? It sounds absurd but...hmmm.
She
asked me what my plans were for the day and I told her I was
going to dinner at my alleged father's and dessert at my mother's.
I was on the verge of inviting her when she said "Oh,
that's great! You know I think I'll make a few calls and have
a little scrum for the disenfranchised."
It
took me a bit to realize she meant a party.
My
father wasn't too pleased by me cancelling at the last minute
but when I told him that my foot was broken he seemed to soften.
My mother of course blew her top even when I explained that
the doctor suspected I had West Nile virus. It is clear to
me that my family just does not care about my happiness.
Now
I've got to figure out what to wear.
8:00
This
is the lousiest Thanksgiving I've ever had.
I was really looking forward to the party. I'd organized the
music we'd listen to, I'd vacuumed and tidied and was cleaning
the toilet when Diana popped her head in and said she was
going to an opening instead.
?????!!!!
I was speechless.
How
can you promise someone something and then take it back at
the last minute? Not only is it inconsiderate it is downright
rude. Diana may be rich but she's got a lot to learn about
manners.
I
decided to give her the silent treatment to teach her a lesson
but it was really hard because she was in her room getting
ready. You can't actually knock on someone's door to ignore
them.
She
breezed out chatting on her cell phone about four o'clock
and didn't seem to notice that I didn't return her wave. On
top of that, there is absolutely nothing to eat in this place.
Diana was going to have the bistro send something over for
the party so not only am I deprived of a good time I am deprived
of a meal. I don't have any plaster of Paris so I can't go
to my father's and my mom is just plain pissed at me West
Nile virus or not.
People
just walk all over me, I am such a pushover. "Good ol'
kind hearted Jenna, she won't mind!" I have got to learn
to be more selfish. Diana takes what she wants, goes where
she wants when she wants, without a thought about anyone else.
That's probably why she is so successful.
I've
got to be more like that. I've got to start thinking about
me for a change.
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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