Jenna's
Diary
October
18
Diana
can't walk all over me, she just can't. She isn't any better
than me. Sure she might be more attractive, have a terrific
career, have more money, better clothes, nicer parents and
cooler friends but other than that she doesn't have a thing
over me.
I'm
really ticked off over that Thanksgiving thing, her suggestion
of a "scrum for the disenfranchised." Give me a
break. My goal was to treat her very frostily until she begged
me to tell her what's wrong. Unfortunately she hasn't been
home, so to get her back, I haven't been writing down her
phone messages.
I
do have an ace in the hole. This is after all my apartment,
if Diana gets huffy when I confront her a very subtle "Maybe
you should think of looking for another place" should
get her to straighten up and fly right.
October
20
Diana
was home when I came in from work. I walked right into my
room without even acknowledging her presence.
A
few seconds later there was a knock at the door. I waited
five seconds and then said. "Enter."
She
came in plunked herself on the bed and said "Jenna is
something wrong?"
I something wrong? IS SOMETHING WRONG? Yes something is wrong!
You treat me like something you found at the bottom of your
tissue, you breeze in and out without a thought, you go to
lots of cool parties and never invite me, you're never home
so we can't be girlfriends.
"No."
"Oh,
I thought you were a little quiet and I just wanted to make
sure that everything was OK. Anyway - Some old friends of
mine will be in town on Friday and I was wondering if you'd
mind if I had a get-together - I'll invite some people from
work, it'll be a kick, what do you think?"
We're
having a party! Whoo hoo! Finally a chance to mingle with
my peers! This will be a chance for me to network!!!!
I
don't like to blow my own horn but I think I handled this
situation really well.
A
party!!
October
21
Oh,
gosh. It just occurred to me she said do you mind if "I"
have a get together. "I" not "we".
Now
I'm not sure if I'm even invited. That would be just like
her. Invite all her cool sophisticated friends while I'm locked
away in my bedroom with a bag of chips and a bottle of Chianti.
She
is so selfish. I do everything for her, or would if she was
ever here, and now she's having this great party and she didn't
even think to invite me.
It's
just not fair! If this is what beauty, wealth and personality
do to you, then count me out.
Bitch.
October
22
Diana
asked me how many people I was inviting - no pressure she
just wanted to make sure there was enough food. She is sooooo
sweet! She said she'd originally planned on inviting ten of
her friends but word got out and the number has tripled. Apparently
Diana is legendary for her parties. Which I am too I just
can't be bothered giving any.
I
told her I'd get back to her and then asked what we should
do for "eats." I can't believe I said that! It is
sooooooo blue-collar, Diana didn't seem to notice and said
"How about I take care of that end and you take care
of the cleaning?"
Whoooo
hooooo! Wow, she is a class act.
October
23
Diana
and I are like twins! This party has really brought us together.
We've been arranging the furniture and taking phone messages,
buying booze. I've had the most fun ever! She told me that
it would be a great opportunity for me to schmooze - I love
schmoozing! God not only am I going to have the time of my
life, I'll probably end up with the job of my dreams.
We
were walking along Jane St. and Diana noticed all the pumpkins
on display. She stopped, squealed and said "Jenn, (I
love it when she calls me that!) I completely forgot about
Halloween - why don't we make it a costume party?"
To
be honest I had thought of that, but I thought maybe Diana's
friends were too cool so I I didn't say anything.
This
is going to be great!!!!! We started bouncing around costume
ideas and we had a ball!
I've
got to tell her how many friends I have coming. This could
be embarrassing. Although I have a lot of friends, not all
of them like me right now so I'm down to Jenny and Irene.
I suppose I could call Mary Anne but she was such a jerk about
that stripper incident and I don't have phone numbers for
the rest.
I
think I might tell Diana that I'm concerned about the fire
code and that I wanted to make sure she was able to invite
all the people she wanted. Not only will it make me look responsible,
it will make me look popular and considerate.
October
25
Diana
has arranged for the restaurant down the street cater the
party. Wow. I wouldn't have dared to - not just because I
thought it was a law office but because I wouldn't want to
look stupid if they didn't.
I've
never had Japanese food before except for Rice Roni so this
will be really exciting.
October
26
Jenny
and Irene are coming. I can't believe I had to coax them!
First of all I had to listen to Jenny started yammering on
about how well the reconciliation is going with her husband
and Irene blabbering on about how she is so depressed now
that her husband has packed up and left. God it's always about
them!
If
I'd had other friends to invite I might have used the opportunity
to point out their selfishness. Instead, I told each of them
that the party would do them good. I told Jenny that it would
be fun to dress up, that she and her husband deserve a night
of fun and frivolity after all they'd been through. She thought
about it and started to get excited. I told Irene that there
would be a lot of eligible men and that she deserved a night
of fun and frivolity after all she'd been through. She thought
about it and started to get excited.
God,
I amaze me sometimes!
October
27
I
always get a little bit anxious before hosting a party. It's
my mother's fault. Whenever she and the man I thought was
my father entertained she would really get bent out of shape.
She would work herself into a froth days ahead of time making
acres of food or "eats" sometimes referred to as
"the spread." (Argh). Pigs in a Blanket (Oscar Meyer
franks in Bisquick) Sweet and Sour Meatballs (2 pounds ground
beef 2 cans Manwich) Spanish rice (I box Minute Rice + can
Campbells tomato soup) Jello 1-2-3 a Cheese Ball and gallons
of Sangria.
She
would go to the beauty parlour in the morning and drag me
with her. I think the place was supposed to look like Paris.
Pink and silver wallpaper, white French Provincial furniture
and a wrought iron railing that separated the waiting room
from the dryers perched over green plastic brocade chairs.
Paris sure is ugly.
I'd
sit there getting high on hairspray as she criticized every
single thing I did. "Mrs. Goldstein does not look like
a hippo Jenna, apologize immediately." or "Oh, for
heaven's sake! How did you get your head in there anyway?"
They'd put about a zillion curlers in her hair and plunk her
under the dryer. Then they'd remove the curlers comb it out,
tease it, rein it in, until she had a poufy front part and
lots of little plops on top. It was twenty years out of date
even then.
She'd
immediately cover the hairdo with a scarf and it would stay
there until an hour before the company arrived. She even had
a contraption for napping. It was a light layer of foam that
tied in front and cushioned the back and it tasted like ointment.
About
two hours before the party she'd put on her hostess gown,
a polyester floor length green and pink number with a built
in bra while my father was shoved into a suit with a collar
you could toboggan on. My father's only contribution to the
affair was making ice, putting the liquor bottles out on the
dining room buffet table, sampling them and practicing his
"Frog walks into a bar" jokes.
They'd
put on Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass or Mantovani - it
depended on whether she was going for fun or elegance. At
precisely 8 o'clock she'd decide that no one was coming and
by 8:15 she'd be on the verge of tears. Finally the doorbell
would ring and my mother would yell at my father to wait to
answer it so they wouldn't look desperate.
Everyone would arrive at once and they'd rave at the fuss
my mother went to. She'd look surprised gaze around the room
as if she didn't know what they were talking about and then
say "Oh, gosh it was nothing, just something I threw
together."
Because
I was a gifted child, the company loved it when I entertained.
I remember once some of my parent's friends were in the rec
room. I'd lip synched the entire second side of my Cinderella
LP shown and was just about to change into my ballet costume
when my mother came stomping down the stairs. She asked what
was going on and one of her friends said "Jenna is putting
on a show for us."
Did
my mother clasp her hands to her breast and go "Oh! how
sweet!" did she pull up a chair and wait for the second
half? NO. She APOLOGIZED and sent me to bed!!!
I've
never needed therapy but if I did that moment would probably
be a pivotal one.
October
29
Jenny
and Irene have been driving me nuts. They're just frothing
over with ideas for costumes. At first they were going to
make their own but thankfully I was able to dissuade them.
I told them that Malabar has great costumes. Of course Irene
balked at actually paying for one and Jenny said they wouldn't
have anything left because it was so late, but I told them
not to be so neurotic, that everyone waits until the last
minute - in fact I got one last year at the last minute and
it was on half-price.
That
actually didn't happen but anything to keep them from showing
up looking like aged four year olds.
God
you'd swear they'd never been to a party before! I hope they
don't embarrass me. Their enthusiasm is rather small town.
October
30
We've
decided not to make it a costume party after all. I'm a little
relieved because I was hoping to use this party for career
and social advancement and I'm not sure if my Belly Dancer
costume would leave the impression I wanted.
Diana
said she realized that it would put her friends from out of
town in a spot. They certainly wouldn't pack costumes and
they wouldn't have time to rent something. Most of Diana's
other friends said they weren't going to bother anyway, so
it was just as well.
I
think I know how debutantes feel. This party is going to launch
me I can just feel it.
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