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Jenna's
Diary appears bi-weekly
November
18
Rod
and I have been seeing each other for three weeks and he hasn't
made a pass at me! Well he's hugged me, we've held hands,
he's kissed me, but the kisses were really nothing more than
pecks.
I
don't know what to do. I just can't bear getting hurt again.
I'm starting to really have feelings for him. He is the most
dynamic, exciting, charismatic man I've ever met but I have
no idea where I stand and I don't know how to approach him.
After three weeks -well it's actually been 11 dates so that
would be like 11 weeks in the 50s - I've usually slept with
the guy by this time. Once you've slept with a guy you are
allowed to ask questions like "How do you feel about
me?" or "Where do you think this is going?"or
"Does my butt look fat in these pants?" but when
you haven't slept together you can't even criticize his wardrobe.
Oh
gosh.
I don't think he's seeing another woman because he does the
show every night. When he does have a night off I'm with him
- along with a mob of his friends. He said because of his
busy schedule he finds it hard to see everyone so I guess
he is trying to make best use of his time but still...Argh!
November
19
I
saw Rod's show over the weekend - it was so exciting! God
he looked handsome as a knight! Sir Galeron. (Sigh) I can't
believe how well he handled that horse! Oh my gosh.
The
place is made up to look like a Medieval castle with a jousting
arena in the centre. The audience s encouraged to cheer and
boo and are served chicken by serving wenches who break into
song for no reason.( I really should talk to Rod about the
authenticity. I'm pretty sure the jousting took place outdoors,
the wenches would have stopped singing at my command and I
doubt they had paper napkins.)
It
was so weird sitting in the audience because I'm sure the
people next to me thought I was just a regular audience member.
The guy turned to me and said "Is this your first time
at Renaissance Experience ? We come every year on our daughter's
birthday! Last year the Black Night gave Chrissy a rose!"
I
gave a smile that said "Oh, the old rose shtick."
I was about to tell them that I was with Sir Galeron but the
show started.
I felt it was important that they know I was connected with
the show so I yawned a lot, checked my watch and even made
entries in my cheque book. At the end I leaned over and said
"Oh, don't mind me - my boyfriend is Galeron, and this
kind of thing gets boring after a while."
I'm
not sure he heard because he said "It's 11:20" and
they left.
After
the show we went out with the rest of the cast to La Creole
I recognized at least four people from TV commercials! Of
course I didn't say anything because I didn't want to look
like a rube but imagine! Little Jenna sitting with the Bun
King Bear and the guy who has a really bad day until he sniffs
his shampoo! It was soooo exciting!
November
20
I
went shopping with Diana and it was a riot! We are sooooo
close, better than best friends. When we were in Serendipity
she admired a journal. I told her that keeping a diary was
the only way I managed to stay sane. While she was looking
at wind chimes I bought the journal for her.
We
went out for a bite to eat and I told her about Rod. She said
maybe Rod wanted to take it slow that maybe he was shy, or
maybe he was intimidated by his feelings for me. All the things
a best friend should say. I gave the journal after dinner
and she was thrilled!
8:00
Wow,
just got off the phone with Tamara! She'd called to
speak to Diana and I told her that Diana wanted nothing to
do with her. She was really pissed off and took it out on
me. She asked me what was wrong with my head, who did I think
I was blah, blah, blah that when she told me her suspicions
about Curio it was supposed to be confidential on and on and
on.
I
told Diana that the woman really needs help, perhaps we could
get her on the Dr. Phil show and Diana laughed so I laughed
too even though I was serious.
November
22
Diana
has decided to go home to the US for Thanksgiving. She's leaving
Wednesday and coming back the following Tuesday. She said
she is not looking forward to it because she said Barbara
(her mother! she calls her mother by her first name!) and
Richard (father!) are sooooo Eugene O'Neill. I shook my head
ruefully which I think I was supposed to do.
Her
sister Cecilia will be there to "share the burden"
as she said. I told her I was a pro at dysfunctional and that
I should go to South Harbor with her. She laughed and said
"Oh, you must! If only to see I'm telling you the truth!"
Wow.
I'm going to South Harbor! Whoo hooo! This is exactly how
I imagined living with Diana would be!
November
24
My
mother is hell bent on wrecking my life!!!! Not only did she
put up a huge fuss about giving me four measly days off, she
refused to give me an advance on my pay!
I
told her that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and
she asked if it was like that once in a lifetime Matol scheme
and by the way she's till waiting for me to get rid of the
cartons I didn't sell. I asked her how she expected me to
progress in this world, to move in the upper circles if she
is going to keep me taped to her umbilical cord.
She
said I could have Thursday and Friday off no more. No big
deal I'll arrange to come back Tuesday and tell her there
were no planes on Monday.
November
25
I
feel like an idiot. I told Diana that I was able to get the
time off and she asked me what I needed time off for. I told
her that I'd be able to go to South Harbor with her.
She
sort of stuttered and stammered and said "Oh, uh Jen
- when did we discuss this?" I told her and she said,
"Jenna I'm sorry I thought we were just joking around!"
I
went to my room and closed the door. If I were to go back
on a promise I'd be crucified but everyone else can do it
and nobody cares! She already spoiled my own Thanksgiving
by deciding to have a "scrum for the disenfranchised"
and then changing her mind and now she was spoiling another
one.
I
waited for her to come in to talk to me but she didn't so
I decided to sit and sulk on the couch and wait for her to
make it up to me.
She
came out of her room wearing the dress she loaned me on Halloween
so really it is MY DRESS, put on some lipstick and went out!!!!
Worse she was humming!
I
feel so betrayed!
November
27
Diana
left first thing this morning. I didn't offer her a lift to
the airport, mostly because I don't have a car but even if
I did wouldn't have. I've been giving her the silent treatment
for the past few days but she just doesn't seem to notice
no matter how loudly I give it.
I
was too embarrassed to tell my mom that the trip was off so
I have the whole weekend off.
This
might just work out (although it doesn't make me any less
mad at Diana), Rod and I haven't been alone together - roommate
gone - hmmmmmm! Yes!
November 29
Why
does everything have to happen to me?
Rod
and I made plans to go to see some foreign film. When I arrived
at the theatre Rod was already there with not one, not two,
not three but SEVEN friends! Ridiculous! I was furious and
sat through some stupid subtitled thing about a delicatessen.
Afterwards they were all raving about it. I didn't think it
was anything special. I think his friends are far too easily
impressed. I don't know what it is about actors but I'm so
sick of hearing how "wooooonderful" things are.
Maybe that's the trick to being an actor. You learn how to
be a big fat phony first.
We
went for drinks at Combos and I had a few Margaritas. Quite
a few. When it looked like his friends were going to stay
all night I told Rod that I wanted to go home. He walked me
to the subway and he gave me a peck and turned to walk away!
I
grabbed him and gave him the most passionate kiss I could
muster I was like butter on hot toast - I was all over him.
I heard him moaning and I was so happy that I'd made the first
move. I whispered in his ear that I had the apartment all
to myself and ...
He
PUSHED ME AWAY!
I
was flummoxed I reached out for him and he said. "Jenna,
I can't, I just can't." Then he rushed away.
Oh.
God.
November
27
I
am shattered. I don't know what to think. What does "I
can't" mean?
"I
can't." Does that mean he physically can't? like,
can't can't? If so then what about Viagra? But I don't
want to mention it until I know that it's matter of not being
able to do it rather than not wanting to do
it.
Unless
he can't because there is someone else, a girlfriend tucked
away somewhere maybe?
Maybe,
MAYBE he thinks I've never done it before and is frightened
of sullying my innocence.
Maybe
that's it!
"I can't." ??????
OH. God. I feel like an idiot.
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