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Jenna's
Diary
Jenna's
Diary appears biweekly. If you would like to be notified when
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November
29
I
haven't heard from Rod. Obviously the kiss was a mistake -
but why? He's always telling me how attractive I am, loves
my hair, notices when I change makeup, he complements me on
my clothes (well, Diana's clothes but I am the one that is
pulling the look off) so I'm sure I don't repulse him.
I
tried writing a letter but it didn't do a lot for my self-esteem
when I reread it. What it comes down to is me asking Rod why
he won't bonk me. Way too pathetic and it might come back
to haunt me when I become famous. I've got to come right out
and ask him. In my opinion honesty is always the best policy.
I'm going to come right out and say "Rod what is going
on? We've been seeing each other for a month now, you haven't
made any advances toward me and when I tried to kiss you you
pushed me away! Are we in love or just friends? Is this the
beginning or is this the end?"
That's
the only way to do it. I don't care if he tells me that he
is seeing someone else or that he just simply is not attracted
to me. Well if it is because he isn't physically attracted
to me maybe I'd prefer if he fibbed a bit but mostly I want
the truth.
Last
year at Christmas I was with Jeff. Unfortunately he was with
his wife. The year before it was the Michael debacle the year
before that Andy broke up with me on New Year's Eve. There
is some sort of holiday curse on me. I'm not asking for much
out of life. All I want is a partner to share my life with,
to dream about the future with, to make a home with. A very
simple wish I think. All I ask on top of that is to become
a fabulously wealthy writer, actress or musician. . I don't
think that's too much- so why is it denied me?
I've
only been Rod-less for two days and already I feel that part
of me is missing. I would love to talk this over with someone.
I need girlfriends to say things like "Oh, Jenna of course
he's attracted to you! Why would he spend all that time with
you if he wasn't? You probably caught him off guard."
Or "He's probably frightened of his feelings for you."
But Jenny and Irene are as usual mad at me, Diana's away.
Oh, why must I always face life's traumas alone?
This
has been the longest weekend of my life.
November
30
I
phoned Irene and told her that I dreamt her husband came back
that it was sooooo real I felt it was a premonition.
Thankfully
she believed me. Her neediness took over and she forgot all
about being mad at me. After she asked me all the details
of the dream we finally were able to talk about Rod.
Irene
feels that I probably caught him off guard and that he might
be frightened by his feelings for me. I hadn't thought of
it that way but she is more than likely right. She says the
most important thing is to call him and get everything out
on the open.
After
I talked to her I drank some peach schnapps and got up the
courage to leave a message for Rod, I said the we really needed
to talk and that I'd like him to call me as soon as possible.
I spent the afternoon rehearsing. I decided to lose "Are
we in love or just friends? Is this the beginning or is this
the end?" as I realized they're song lyrics so I changed
the last part to "Did I get the wrong impression?"
I was going to say "Did I get the wrong end of the stick?"
but not everyone, including me, knows what that means.
5:30
Just
got off the phone with Rod! I'm seeing him Sunday!!!!!! Whoooo
hooooo hoooooo whoooooo hoooooo! Yay!
I
was in Diana's room when the phone rang. For some reason I
thought it was her so as I ran to the phone I started making
up excuses "I thought I heard a noise so I..." or
"I lost my whatever and thought.." (It didn't dawn
on me that if it had been Diana she had no way of knowing
that I'd been in her room) Anyway, I was really rattled so
when Rod said "Hey, Hon! I got your message! Sorry this
is late but we've started rehearsals for the new show so with
that and performing it's been pretty nuts! How are you? You
said you wanted to talk, what's up?"
"Rod,
we've..."
"Oh,
hang on Hon I've got another call."
By
this time I was really nervous and when he finally got back
on the line I tried again but his roommate interrupted to
ask where if Rod wanted some stir fried chicken.
"What's
the matter sweetie?"
"Uh,
I lost my glove at La Creole and I was wondering if you or
any of your friends found it."
So
much for hitting it head on. Oh, well, on the upside he said
that he had Sunday night off would I like to grab a bite to
eat? Whoo hoo!
We'll
have a couple of drinks, a nice dinner and we will be able
to sit and talk. His manner on the phone cheered me considerably
- he was acting like absolutely nothing was wrong. Maybe nothing
is wrong!
Whoo
hoo!
December
1
Last
night when I was looking for paper clips, Diana's journal
accidentally fell out of her middle drawer. There isn't much
in it because it's pretty new but I am touched that she is
using it. I had to sneak a peek to see how she felt about
betraying me but it is the most boring journal I've ever read.
NOVEMBER
22
Lunch
with F.
NOVEMBER
22
TIX
for SH. Confirm.
NOVEMBER
23
Drycl.
pant, jack. Renew prescrip. Bring Babs Cadbury's Chocs, pick
up something for Rich and some Second Cup coffee for Cece.
NOVEMBER
24
Dinner
J, F. and K, at Sans Souci saw Beth and Sam! F. will pick
up at 6:00 am Wed.
NOVEMBER
26
SWF
acting whacko again.
I
think J is Jake, Kate's boyfriend, F is of course for Furio
and SWF must be Tamara. I'm a little hurt that she didn't
mention me but I have no way of telling her that.
December
2
Sheesh.
I met Rod at Hound and Hog. The minute he came in he gave
me a huge hug and I was sooooo relieved. I was going to kiss
him but I didn't want to risk it before things are sorted.
He
was in such a good mood it's as if the other night hadn't
happened. He admired my new shirt and leather pants (God I
wish Diana would gain weight! The pants were killing me and
the shirt was straining around the midriff. Luckily the pants
relaxed after a while and because the table was high I was
able to undo the the last two buttons on the shirt.) He asked
me how my writing was going and I told him I was almost finished
my novel. (That's not really a lie. I will write a novel.
Right now I'm just living stuff to put in it.)
It
was going great. We had a couple of drinks and ordered some
food and I was just brave enough to bring up our relationship
when who comes waltzing in? Six people from his show! Two
serving wenches, three knights and the fool! Without asking
they planted themselves next to us. I was so frustrated! I
wanted to storm out but I didn't think that I could risk a
temper tantrum.
I
said very dryly to Rod "Wow, isn't there any place where
you don't know people?" He shook his head and laughed.
To make matters worse Michelle and Kaitlin (wenches) flirted
outrageously with Rod! Michelle even tucked her arm under
his and put her head on his shoulder! Kaitlin calls him "Roddy"
in such a helpless wimpy way I wanted to whack her on the
back of the head with a shovel. They rambled on and on with
show talk. Rod kept trying to bring me into the conversation
but it was no use all they were interested in was each other
and ROD. I was miserable watching everyone, including the
men fawn all over Rod. It's like he is a people magnet.
When
it was time to go wouldn't you know it? All of them were going
in the same direction as me. When we got to the subway station
Rod gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek and then I got carried
off by the swarm into the subway.
I
thought when I came home I would at least have an idea where
I stand and now I'm back to square one. I have got
to get him on his own.
December
3
Diana
came home early! I wasn't expecting her until Tuesday so I
didn't have a chance to get the clothes I borrowed dry cleaned.
I'd
fully planned to give her the silent treatment to further
punish her for uninviting me to South Harbor, but the pair
of leather pants, the shirt, her bathrobe and her Blahnik
shoes were all lying in a pile in the bathroom so I had to
distract her.
I
hugged her, grabbed her bags, threw them into her room then
I dragged her to the couch and begged her to tell me every
detail of her trip.
She
said she was exhausted she just wanted to shower and go to
bed. I told her I needed to tidy the bathroom a bit, ran in
jammed her stuff into a towel and while she was showering
I quickly put the clothes back where I found them.
I
don't think it's that big a deal. It's not as if I
have hygiene issues. They were just hanging there in the closet
not doing anyone any good and if she really didn't want me
wearing her clothes then I'm sure she wouldn't have gone away
for weekend.
December
5
Wow.
Rod phoned me at work this morning. My mother had been giving
me a really hard time about some orders that I lost blah,
blah, blah so when he called I went on a rant about my mental
mother. He started laughing and he said "Jenna if she's
anything like you, you knucklehead I just know I'll love
her."
Oh
my God. This is big in so many ways. Not just the fact that
he used the "L" word but the fact that he wants
to meet my mother.
I'm
starting to feel the holiday curse has been lifted! I am soooooo
happy Finally I'm going to be able to share the holiday season
with someone who doesn't have a wife/kids/prison sentence
hanging over his head!
Whoo
Hooooo!
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