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Jenna's
Diary
Sept
20
Everything
is all coming together. I'm 95 % of the way to having it all.
Work
is going fantabulous. It is going so terrific that I'm only showing up
half days.
My mother has turned out to be an absolute wiz. When whe first started
selling of her Precious Moments inventory it was more like an adoption
agency and she was the birth mother, but now she's really got a knack
for selling.
She
was able to clear up her back debts she moved back home yesterday. Whooooo
Hoooooo!!
She's
still at work everyday but she and Mr. Van Heusan have this bizarre googly
eyed world going. They are so engrossed in the selling of Precious Moments
and surreptitious smelling of each other's hair, they don't even notice
if I'm there or not.
I've
got the religion thing going which of course is why I'm being so blessed
right now. For sure this week I'm going to pick a specific religion.
And....I'm
in love!!!!!!
I
wish I knew his name so it would seem more personal, but everyday this
week I've seen him lurking outside my work in the morning and when I leave
at noon.
I'm
sure that he followed me home two days ago, but everytime I'd try to turn
around to give him a smile he'd disappear behind a bush or something.
He's so shy!!!!
Yup,
things are turning around.
Sept
21
Love
for sure makes you look better. That on top of being Born Again has given
me this glow. My hair is keeping it's shape and my eyes have a sparkle.
I've
started to work out. Everyday I'm going to work out to Sweatin' With or
To the Oldies or whatever it's called, with Richard Simmons. Today I got
as far as the song "Windy" but there is no sense pushing it.
I felt so invigorated after it that I cleaned the apartment from top to
bottom and ordered a pizza.
Sept
22
I
think until I find out his real name I'm going to call him Sam.
I know it sounds insane to fall in love with someone you don't even know
but sometimes it just hits you like that. That's how they used to fall
in love in the old days.
If you read any Victorian novel all they have to do is look across the
room and the next thing you know the guy is fighting wars and crossing
the ocean to make money so he can marry her. Of course she has usually
coughed in the first few pages which means curtains for her but he doesn't
know that.
Maybe
Sam and me belong in another time.
I
did 7 minutes today of the Richard Simmons tape. He's not really all that
thin.
Sept
23
A
question occured to me earlier. If I'm in love etc. then why am I spending
my Saturday night watching Big Brother and sloughing the dead skin off
my feet?
That
kind of depressed me for a while. I can hardly wait to get back to work.
Didn't
exercise at all today. I figure there's no sense overdoing it. I'll take
weekends off.
2.
pm This is really weird. I'm kind of spooked. About an hour ago I
heard strange noises on the balcony. There are a lot of raccoons around
so I let it go for a few minutes and then got up to shoo them away.
When
I got into the living room the small window next to the balcony door was
open. I usually close it at night because the raccoons get in and eat
my dried flower arrangements.
There
was nothing on the balcony and I know I'm being stupid but sometimes you
feel a little vulnerable.
I
don't even know how they can call that a balcony. It's only about five
feet from the ground. It's like a porch that won't commit.
I
guess I just got so used to mom and Aimee hanging around that I'm not
used to silence.
Sept
24
I
can't believe that I miss my mother. I got used to her creeping around
and crying. I'm not going to tell her that though because she goes mental
at any kind of intimacy. She doesn't shy away from it she grabs it and
strangles it.
In
the fifth grade we had to write a letter to our mother for Mother's Day.
The teacher suggested we tell our mother's how much we appreciate and
love them.
The
teacher handed out examples of a note she wrote her mother. I copied it
verbatim and gave it to my mother.
Three
weeks of quality time, mother and daughter outfits, shopping trips---it
was awful. We just aren't cut out for gooey relationships they just don't
fit.
But
I did get used to hearing her bangles jangle and her theatrical sighs.
Maybe
I'll get a ferret.
Oh,
well tomorrow I'll see Sam!!!
Sept
25
Oh
gross me right out. It had been a great morning. I finished a crossword
and had a muffin and coffee, I was looking forward to seeing Sam and left
for the day.
I
didn't see him anywhere and I realized that I'd left a half hour earlier
than usual. I tried to kill some time window shopping but the only store
there sells prosthetics, so it got pretty boring. I decided to go back
up to the office and wait until it was my regular quitting time.
The
door was locked and I had to hammer on it for about five minutes before
they opened it.
I
walk into the office and mom and Mr. Van Heusan are just sitting there,
no big deal until I looked closer the phone is off the hook,my mom who
usually is better groomed than Dame Edna is wearing her blouse inside
out and Mr. Van Heusan isn't wearing any socks.
Ohhhh
Yuck!!!
I
was totally speechless. My mother started chirping away like a canary
on acid and Mr. Van Heusan started doodling like a madman.
I
had no idea how to deal with it so I pretended nothing happened and said
that I had forgotten my pencil. They seemed pretty grateful and we all
laughed and nodded about how pencils are always getting lost. oh, those
rogue pencils, you can't depend on pencils. They were still handing me
fistfuls of pencils as I left.
I
didn't even remember to look for Sam.
Ohhhhh
man!!!
Sept
26
It
was so awkward working beside these two. I'm trying to read and they were
so busy pretending nothing is wrong it was like someone putting on a play
about regular life, but using puppets.
I
didn't see Sam on the way in or the way out even though I left four times.
That
kind of bummed me out. We got a couple of hang up calls--maybe it was
him and when he heard my crazy mother he remembered the spectacle she
made of herself when he was here and hung up. Maybe.
I
watched the Richard Simmons tape all the way through it was exhausting.
Sept
27
I
have no way of knowing if I'm PMS-ing or just really depressed. I am never
sufficiently organized to remember my cycle I just know it starts when
I'm wearing white pants.
Work
is weird, Sam has disappeared, the apartment is lonely, Richard Simmons
is a jackass.
I
don't even want a ferret anymore.
Sept
28
Oh
my God!!! I dragged myself home from work and I was still feeling pretty
down. I had a bath and changed into a track suit.
I
ate a Lean Cuisine and 3 hotdogs and was debating whether or not it was
worth a dollar to vote Curtis off Big Brother just to get him to stop
whinnying, when I heard the sound of a trash can falling outside my window.
I
peeked out and there was Sam!!!!! He was walking away really fast but
I know it was him. I was going to rap on the window but the track suit
makes me look like a hockey mom.
I
ran and changed into a robe my mother bought me when she wasn't crazy,
but he was gone.
I
kept checking back but there was no sign of him.
Oh
man, I just felt the depression lift.
I feel hope again!!!!
Sept
29
It's
true, the world loves a lover. Although I'm technically not anyone's lover
at least there's hope.
Mom
and Mr.Van Heusan look kind of cute to me now. The way they exchange coy
glances and his hand lingers too long on hers when he "accidentally"
touches her.
I
know he's married because he mentioned his father-in-law, but in all the
time I've worked here she's never phoned or dropped by so it's hard to
feel compassion for someone you don't see.
I
just realize that this is the first time I've ever seen him smile. He's
got a kind of Bob Newhart face so when he smiles it's such a change it's
like someone repositioned his nose.
Mom
is changing right before my eyes. Hawking those figurines has given her
this sort of strength. I know it destroyed her at first to be selling
off years of this junk she was collecting, but I think she's found something
she loves even more than Precious Moments.
Money.
Money
and Mr. Van Heusan.
I didn't
see Sam on the way in, but----maybe tonight!!!!!
I'll be ready
this time.
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© 2000 www.happywomanmagazine.com
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