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Jenna's Diary appears biweekly
April 8
Last night we practiced reactions in acting
class. David said not all great parts have lines and showed us a tape
of a Motrin commercial. Two kids are loaded on chocolate covered coffee
beans singing a song that never ends in the back seat while the woman
suffers from a migraine in the front seat. In my opinion I think if she's
going to let her kids eat chocolate covered cocoa beans I can't see why
she wouldn't let them come down with a shot of brandy but David is right,
the star of the commercial is the mother and she doesn't have a single
line! Her pain is evident as is her frustration and she is doing it all
with body language.
He handed out some scripts for us to rehearse
and it was really weird at first. Leon grimacing, kneading his temples
while trying to show off his new Colgate Whitestrips smile and Jean screwing
up her face in agony while she displays her Weight Watchers success. After
a while David realized that they'd misunderstood and were doing every
commercial like the Motrin headache lady. Arrrrrggghhh. He then turned
to me and said "Jenny why don't you show them what I mean."
Whoooo hooooo! OK, so maybe he doesn't have my name down but this is only
my second class and I'm already the best!
I stepped up and did mine. I was a housewife
who had to deal with a sticky floor mess. It was a really hard one as
David pointed out later, because I am exasperated by the jam on my nice
clean floor but I really love my kids. David praised me for finding the
layers in the script and said I was remarkable!
Gosh, it's going to be really hard to keep
all this praise from going to my head. Of course some people would say
that it wouldn't be all that hard to shine in this class.Those people
would be wrong. Yes there are some losers - well all of them are losers
except myself and this new guy Ali - but David is judging us on individual
performances not as a class so even if Laurence Olivier wasn't dead and
was in this class I would still be able to pick out the layers of a script
and would still be remarkable.
Would I be better than Olivier? I don't know
but at least the playing field would be level.
The new guy is pretty interesting. I guess
we're all new to the class, but he's really new because this is his first
one. We already know where the bathroom is and what time break is so we
really have an advantage. His name is Ali and he's pretty good. Not as
good as me but good. He's kind of cool with a Dev from Coronation Street/James
Mason thing going on. I think from now on I'll pick him to be my partner
and maybe we'll get a cool clique started.
At the end of the class David explained the
success process to us. First you get a job as an extra -sorry - background
performer, then you move up to SBE (a special business extra) or SOC (silent
on camera) then you get in the union and you move on to TV commercials,
after that you get feature films or at the very least a sitcom. He says
the hardest part is breaking through the extra-SBE/SOC barrier. The rest
is cinchy.
Leon very rudely asked why, if David knew
so much, he didn't have a sitcom. We were all very embarrassed, David's
face turned a bit red and he explained that success on the screen has
eluded him as he was born to "walk the boards" which means stage
stuff. I think you really have to love stuff like Shakespeare to give
up money, fame and recognition. He said "My love affair with the
bard spoiled me for other ladies." I think the bard is Shakespeare
and the ladies are features films. Or that he's gay. In any case I can't
believe Leon would ask a thing like that.
Our homework is to watch movies and pay attention
to what the background people are doing.
Can do!
April 14
Rod and Tabetha are putting on a workshop
production. From my days with Simon I know what this means: Old warehouse,
mismatched seats and the smell of feet. I feel kind of embarrassed for
them.
When they finished rehearsing Tabetha went
off to bed early and for the first time since New Year's Eve we were left
alone! We had some wine and Rod talked about the show. How he was tightening
a monologue here, how he was cutting a monologue there how, oh blah, blah
BLAH. Geez, a month ago I would have nodded and pretended to listen while
trying to figure out a way to get him into bed but this time I nodded
pretended to listen and thought about heating up a burrito when I got
home.
Wow.
As talked I realized that other than our
acting careers we have nothing in common. Listening to him drone on and
on I realized another thing: Rod is really self-absorbed.
We are just too different.
April 19
Whooo scary. Talked on the phone for three
hours last night to Irene. It started out OK, I was having a great time
as she talked about how depressed she is about her marriage breaking up,
how miserable she is because she can't get a date and how devastated she
is about gaining 15 pounds.
I told her all about my new career and she
said she wished she had some talent. Because I was feeling pretty good
I told her that she was really talented at interior design and she perked
up. She was supposed to say "Oh, but you're better at it Jenna"
but she didn't.( I am better at it though.)
We were having a great time until I heard
ice-cubes jangling and asked her if she was drinking. She said she was
having a vodka and cranberry juice. I told her that drinking alone was
the first sign of alcoholism. After that the conversation took a weird
turn, it was almost like she wanted to get me or needle me or something.
(Another sign of alcoholism.)
For example she asked how things were going
with Rod and I told her that we spend all our free time together and instead
of saying "Oh, I'm so jealous! You have everything and I have nothing!"
she asked me if he is still gay.
I bit back a sharp retort and told her the
gay thing isn't much of an issue anymore what is at issue is our incompatibility
then I told her about his self-absorption. She said "Hey, I thought
you said you were too different" ????????
Then I told her that I thought the time
had come to break it off but that I just had to find the right moment
and she said "Why don't you just stop showing up at his house."
You know, you watch movies of the week and
you see Judith Light or Valerie Bertinelli becoming drunks but you just
don't think it's going to happen to someone who doesn't wear makeup.
Argh. When I'm not quite so mad at her I
will be happy to make her get help.
I just thought of something: In a way it's
better if she becomes an alcoholic now rather than when I'm famous. Alcoholics
are notoriously unreliable. I can just see her running to the National
Enquirer with information about me in exchange for a bottle of Grey Goose.
At least if she's cured and I'm responsible the tabloids will have a nice-guy
story to run.
That brings up an interesting point though:
What dirt do people have on me? Let's see:
Stuff that could make the tabloids
Criminal Record:
1) When I was 15 I was detained in a department
store for stealing testers at the makeup counter.
Who would rat me out: The
store detective- however she was about 80 then so with a bit of luck she's
dead now.
2) Accused of stealing a vacuum cleaner when
I worked at
Maidex
Who would rat me out: The owner Jack
Miles but I'm pretty sure he was indicted for defrauding seniors so credibility
is definitely an issue.
3) Accused of stalking
Who would rat me out: Jeff at least,
the others I don't know. I could probably pay Jeff off with a car or a
big screen TV but I'll wait until after my first - no - second feature
film.
Moral Stuff
1) Premarital sex. Lots and lots of premarital
sex.
Who would rat me out. Andy, Ryan,
John, Robert, Bob, Bobby, Jeff, Steven, Michael, Todd, Rick, Sam, Paul,
Jim....
Wow. Too depressing to document - however
none of them would have any evidence so I could probably sue them and
the National Enquirer so it could end up quite lucrative.
2) Public Drunkenness. I've got to think
of places where people have actually witnessed me under the influence.
Funerals (3) Baby Showers (5) Weddings (9) Birthday parties (Most) Bars
(All)
Who would rat me out: Probably everyone
but I think I could probably get a note saying I had a chemical imbalance
from a doctor who treats child stars. If that doesn't work I'll blame
my mother.
I'm going to have to be a little more careful
from now on- what's that old saying "Be nice to people on your way
up you'll meet them on your way down" I kind of wish I'd thought
of that ten years ago. Oh, well I'll start right after I phone Jenny and
tell her Irene's a drunk.
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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