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Jenna's Diary appears biweekly
April 22
Jenny was shocked when I told her
about Irene's drinking problem. She said that she'd talked
to her about a week ago and she sounded find and we marveled
at how cunning drunks can be.
Jenny's a little ticked off at Irene
because she asked her if she'd watch Tyler while she and Brian
went away for the weekend. Jenny thought it would be a nice
chance for Tyler to get to know his Godmother and thought
Irene would be flattered but she said no!
I said it was probably for the best
because I'd seen some movie with Susan Hayward or Rita Hayworth
or Katherine Hepburn and I told Jenny about a scene where
the lead character got loaded and burned the house down with
the kid in it. I asked Jenny if she could imagine coming home
and her kid is all BBQ'd while Irene staggers around the front
lawn in a peignoir holding a cocktail going "Whassss
goin on?" I was just getting into the story when Jenny
told me to stop.
We talked for a bit about Irene's
general irresponsibility and then Jenny brought up the party
she'd had a few years ago. "Oh, God Jenna do you remember
what she did? She broke my glass coffee table because she
was offering people piggyback rides to the bathroom, tried
to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat in rounds by herself
and then she said she was going to catch a cab. She walked
out hopped into the front porch swing shouted out her address
and passed out. When I woke her up the next morning she gave
me ten bucks told me to keep the change and then threw up
on the lawn!"
I told Jenny I remembered.
I didn't tell her that it wasn't
Irene who did all those things it was me.
April 25
I got a little carried away talking
to my mother about my web design course. I told her that I
was the best in the class and that my teacher feels I have
a great career ahead of me.
She was really happy for me and
for a moment I felt kind of guilty. But when you think about
it I'm not really lying - OK maybe I'm not enrolled in a web
design course but I am the best in my acting class and although
the teacher didn't actually say I had a great career ahead
of me I'm sure that's what he thinks.
I will tell her the truth eventually,
but first of all I've got to get my first acting job. It'll
probably be a TV gig because it'll take weeks to get into
feature films.
I'll invite my mom and Mr. Van Heusan
over for dinner - oh! It would be hilarious if I set up TV
trays and served them TV dinners. My mom'd be all like "Whaaaaaa???"
and as calm as anything I'd be like "What?"
We'd eat and I'd act like nothing
was up during dinner, I'd just be my usual charming eloquent
witty self and then when we got down to the cobbler (I'd have
to time it just so) I'll say casually "Oh, let's check
the news." I'll turn on the TV and my face will be plastered
all over the screen. (Oh, God I hope there isn't a disaster
somewhere in the world it would really screw up my timing
if CNN was on the screen instead of me.)
My mom will see me on screen then
look at me in person, then back to the screen and she will
be totally agog. Mr. Van Heusan will twig and start to chuckle.
After it's over I'll say something like "So, how did
you like my web design course?" Mr. Van Heusan will clue
in (I just realized something; He is much smarter than my
mother.) He'll slowly explain it to my mom and she'll laugh,
shriek or gasp.
We'll hug and she'll say my talents
were wasted in web design anyway. Then she'll brush back a
stray hair from my forehead and say. "I'm so proud of
you honey. I always knew you'd make it."
I'll get teary and say something
like "I know you did mom." I won't say "If
you knew I"ld make it then how come you didn't support
me all these years!" Because that would spoil the moment.
I can probably bring it up later when she's trying to get
money out of me for a fancy nursing home.
Oh, gosh I can hardly wait!
April 29
Yeesh. Went to Rod and Tabetha's
"show" last night.
Yeesh.
As I suspected it wasn't some fancy
theatre with real seats it was one of those abandoned factory
deals.
I went straight to the dressing
room because the only bonus of going to these things is knowing
the performers. People are really impressed by people like
me who know people who do things.
When I got there this guy - or at
least I think it was a guy - said "Performers only."
I gave him/her my best frosty look and said "I'm with
the cast." He/she asked my name and told me to wait.
How ridiculous! It wasn't an actual dressing room more like
a coat rack with a shower curtain and I could see Rod's head
over it. I called to him and he greeted me with a hug and
a peck on the cheek. I told him to break a leg (Isn't it lucky
I'm in the business - God knows the last thing this production
needs is a curse!) He thanked me and said he'd see me later.
I gave a "nyah, nyah"
look to the troll guarding the dressing curtain and went to
take a seat. The guy at the door told me it was a "Pay
what you can" performance so I dropped a buck into the
box. I figured what the hell. Even though I'm more of a director
than an audience member I should do my bit to support the
arts.
The show was pretty long and pretty
depressing and for some reason the audience loved it. I stood
in the lobby talking to a couple of people I knew from The
Renaissance Fair. They were raving about Rod's performance
and I very modestly accepted their praise.
I told them it had been hard going
but we got there in the end. I said I was glad in a way that
this workshop performance was over because we were thinking
of getting away just the two of us for some R& R.
I don't know what made me say but
I do know what made me continue: One of the girls from
the show said "You're going out with Rod?" with
a squinched up puzzled look and it really ticked me off. This
woman has seen me and Rod together about 20 times -what is
so strange about me going out with him?
I told them there was a little inn
that we were thinking of that's beautiful this time of year
that it would be very romantic, blah, blah, blah. The more
skeptical she looked the more I added until we were an inch
and a half away from sitting in a champagne shaped hot tub
in the Poconos. It was about that time one of them spotted
Rod coming out of the dressing room.
I walked over to greet him with
my arms wide open but Kris got there first.
Rod's Kris.
Bun King Bear Kris.
Stupid big "Jenna I think I'm
in love with Kris" Kris.
He walked up to Rod put his arms
around him and they kissed. And kissed. And kissed.
Oh, God. I feel like such an ass.
Five seconds after I finish telling everyone that I'm practically
engaged to him I find him necking with another guy. I was
so embarrassed. I couldn't even look at anyone I just stumbled
out.
OK fine, I was going to break it
off with him but honestly I was holding off until I found
someone else. I also thought this gay thing was over.
Thank God I have my career to fall
back on because I really stink at relationships.
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