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Sept
29
I
am going out of my mind with boredom. I tidied a bit and did a bit of decoupage.
I didn't really mean to do decoupage but I was painting my toenails,knocked
over a bottle of polish and the tv guide stuck to it.
To
be honest I was hoping Sam would drop by. I got home from work and put on
some make up but he was a no show. He must be more frightened of rejection
than I am.
I'd
love to be able to just tell him "hey it's Ok, I feel the same way"
but I haven't had the chance and that is so frustrating.
I
opened a bottle of wine, and then another one and fell asleep while I was
sorting shoes in my hall closet.
Sept
30
Oh
man it pays to be prepared!!!
Even though I was deathly hungover I got up at 9:00, dragged myself out of
the closet and put on some makeup. I was still wearing the clothes from last
night which was OK because it appears I didn't move all night, when I opened
the window to let some air in.
Sam!!
He
saw me and he started to sprint away but I called out to him "Hey! It's
nice to see you!!" That is amazing for me because I'm usually trying
to be so casual about everything I don't often say something nice and spontaneous.
He
looked really puzzled and I invited him up for coffee.
I
don't know what got into me I just blabbed and blabbed. I was going for animated
and bubbly but poor Paul (that's his name: Paul Welton--isn't that a great
name!! Way better than Sam) Paul is very shy. I can see it's going to be a
while before he opens up.
I
almost blew it. I told him that I knew he had been following me and he looked
absolutely freaked, but then I told him that it was all right. I kind of lost
him talking about Victorian novels and everything but then I started to tell
him about my cottage and everything went back on track.
It
is so hard to actually live a moment you imagined. In your head things move
so much quicker. If we were keeping imagination time, Paul and I would have
spent the afternoon at the island trying on hats in the marketplace.
We
would take the ferry home just as the sun was setting. We probably would have
done a whole lot of kissing on the island but the big deep whammo kiss probably
would happen as we were watching the sun go down behind the island. Weak kneed
we would stumble back to my place...
Instead
we just finished the coffee and I walked him to the bus stop. He didn't want
me to--probably didn't want to put me out--but I went anyway.
I
gave him my number and I thought maybe we were having a moment, you know a
pre-kiss moment but the bus came.
I
spent the rest of the day replaying our conversation in my head. It's odd
but I can only hear me talking. He must have said something other than his
name but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.
I'm
not going to worry about it though. The point is he was following me. Not
the other way around.
Oct
1
He
didn't phone but I know he's really shy he'll need some time to absorb my
vibrancy I think.
There
are a lot of Weltons are in the phone book.
Oct
2
They
are planning to buy more stock. I thought the point of this was to get rid
of the stock but now they want to get more.
Mr.
Van Heusan and mom had a meeting on Friday afternoon, which is just rude.
I was really pissed off that they would have a meeting without me. They know
I go home at 1:00--why couldn't they have waited?
Well
their big huge "idea" is to purchase more stock and sell it at a
Flea Market on the weekend.If that goes well they plan to open a store.
I
feel really sick. I thought for sure I would never have to see those hideous
things Precious Moments things again and now! But here's the topper. I'm supposed
to being working at the Flea Market. Every Saturday and Sunday I'm supposed
to be selling these pieces of crap.
Where
are they going to be? Well home of course!! Their really lame excuse was that
since I only worked a 15 hour weekday that two days on the Flea market would
make it up.
This
is coming from my mother, no doubt about it. I finally get a job that I love
with hours that suit me. She steps in and everything falls apart.
They
started to discuss stadegy and wanted me to be familiarize myself with the
products. All these vomit-making names with stupid descriptions!!!
I
just can't do it. I'm going to quit.
Oct
3.
A
ha!! They'll be laughing out of the other side of their faces now.
I've
lined up six count 'em, six interviews for tomorrow. I can't believe all the
jobs that are available that don't require any experience. Maybe it's the
economy but I'm not sure because the news depresses me.
One
I hope I get says "You can make up to $1000 dollars a week! Flexible
hours, Start Immediately, Will Train" now if that job isn't made for
me I don't know what is.
The
only bummer is I still have to take the bus downtown to work if I want to
see Paul. He hasn't been there, but if he comes I want him to know that I'm
still interested.
I'd
love to go up to the cottage with him. The leaves would be turning and we
could take long, long walks. I'd playfully pick up a handful and throw it
at him and he'd throw a handful at me then we'd fall to the ground laughing.
He'd lean over to get a leaf out of my hair and then we'd get caught up in
passion and do it right out there in the open.
We'd
sit in front of the fire drinking wine. I'd maybe spill a bit down my front
and he'd smile at me. I'd be really flustered and he would take my hand and
lick of the wine and then we'd do it right in front of the fireplace.
We'd
take a boat out and watch the sun dance on the waves. He'd be rowing and I'd
just lie back with my hand trailing in the water. I'd maybe see a fish and
he'd be so taken with my childlike glee in such a simple thing that he'd shake
his head, and we'd just do it... well maybe not in the boat but when we got
to shore.
Ohhhhh
everything's going to be great.
Oct
4
Fantastic.
I think I stand a good chance at every single job I interviewed for today--except
for the one that required Spanish. They did say will train but evidently they
didn't mean they would also train you in Spanish. They should have been more
specific.
My
mom phoned me and gave me this long talk about responsibility.
What
a joke!!! This coming from a woman who almost lost her home because she was
addicted to porcelain.
I
wish I could be put up for adoption.
I can just see Paul's face when I tell him about her. He'll probably shake
his head and wonder how I turned out so well.
He'll
admire my strength and pull me close. I'll feel like crying but I won't. I'll
stifle a bit of a sob and then smile brightly. I'll tell him "It doesn't
matter. All that matters is you and me". He'll kiss away a tiny tear
that has escaped and marvel at my bravery.
Then
we'll do it.
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