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Note to Jenna fans -
In typical Jenna fashion after a year's
absence, Jenna will pick up as if nothing (other than some date fudging)
ever happened. We've included a couple of refresh- your- memory links
as we know you're not as young as you used to be.
August 31st
I remember once after drinking a gallon of
red wine I got sick and fell asleep in my own vomit.
This is worse.
Maybe I need to got to A.A.
A. A.
Ali Arul
Mrs. Ali Arul.
Oh. God.
Aside from a slight headache and queasy stomach
the only bad side effect from my night of drinking seems to be my new
husband.
It's all pretty patchy. Piano bar, wine,
wine, wine, married, wine, casino, wine, morning.
I've done some stupid things in my life not
many granted, but still this ranks right up there in the I'm-100%-positive-that-my-mom-would-love-a-raccoon
category.
When Ali comes out of the bathroom I'm going
to ask for an annulment or a gun. Anything that will get me out of this.
With my hand on my heart I make a vow to
all that's holy and sacred that I will never ever, ever EVER drink again.
12: 45
Amendment to Vow: I will never drink wine
again.
1:17
Red wine. I will never drink red wine
again.
September 1
I cannot believe his nerve! While I was waiting
for him to get out of the washroom I feigned sleep. I feigned so well
that I actually fell asleep and when I woke up he was nowhere to be found.
An hour and a half later he wandered in stinking of pancakes. Before I
could even rail at him for going to breakfast without me he said "Jenna,
we have to talk."
No one ever says that when they are giving
you good news.
"I really like you, in fact I probably
love you, but I think I made a huge mistake."
??????
Hello?
He made a huge mistake?
And what's with this "probably"
crap?
What?
"I'm sorry Jenna but I'm sure that we
can find a way out of this."
I couldn't believe it. He didn't want
to get married to me? As if he could get someone like me!
If I hadn't been on the rebound from my brief but tragic
love affair with Rod the gay actor I wouldn't have given Ali the time
of day, let alone date/marry him.
I was furious and after three hours of yelling,
screaming and crying I convinced him to stay married to me.
So, there.
I think I need psychiatric help.
September 3rd
You know what? This just might work out.
Everybody usually gets married at least twice these days so I might as
well get my first marriage out of the way. Ali is decent, has some money
and he really seems to like me. I'm sick of dating and at least Ali isn't
gay or married ( to someone else) I've been bored out of my mind recently
so what will it hurt? At the very least I can give it a try.
We talked last night and you know, this isn't
so strange. Ali said his family back home in India arranged marriages
all the time. The only thing different about this is that it wasn't arranged
and we were both drunk.
So far, being married is pretty swell! It's
much better than I thought it would be! Not only is Ali paying for everything
here in Niagara Falls (coincidentally the honeymoon capital of the world!),
I can walk amongst the couples and the pregnant people and feel that I
finally belong. People are nicer to you when you're married. Women don't
see you as a threat and men don't see you as a predator. This is great!
Another cool thing is having someone to talk/complain
to 24 hours a day!
I think this is going to be OK.
September 4
Home again, home again. It's only been four
days but it feels like a year.
My roommate Diana was not thrilled that I
came home with a husband. Neither was my mother, Jenny or Irene.
When I think of how much I've supported them!
Good ol' Jenna always there with a kind word, a strong shoulder and a
courageous spirit. Listening to their problems no matter how stupid or
inconsequential but when it comes time to rally around me what do they
do? Irene actually had the nerve to ask if I was drunk when I married
him! Perhaps she has forgotten how I bent over backward to make her
stupid wedding a success! and my mother asked me if I was ever going
to grow up!!!!
???? I told her that I'd had enough, that
my husband would support me and that I was officially tendering my resignation
and I would never, ever return to work ever again even if she crawled
on broken glass and was on fire.
.I'm going to stay home be a housewife and
work on one of my careers.
When I'm fabulously wealthy and famous I will go on interview shows and
slag her off.
I'll show her grown up.
Ali phoned his parents and they disowned
him.
Lucky guy.
September 4
Diana said she wanted to know the state of
affairs. She said the apartment was too small for all three of us and
that she felt she had no privacy. God! Change the record already! She
harps on and on about privacy in her diary too. Give it a break!
Because I'm married and have a husband I
don't have to be a pushover anymore and I told her if she wasn't happy
she was free to leave any time she wanted and I made a dramatic sweep
with my arms that would have looked better if I was wearing a hostess
gown.
She said she'd be out by the end of October.
That really doesn't give me enough time to get all the clothes I borrowed
dry cleaned so I'll just have to sneak them back dirty. Tough rockos to
her. It's probably best that me and my husband start our married life
alone together.
September 5th
Gosh, Ali's a little tight fisted. I told
him that I quit work to stay home and he told me to cheer up, that he
was sure I'd find another job. I told him that I wasn't going to find
another job that I was going to be a housewife and his face dropped. He
started whining on and on about finances. It was only when I burst into
tears and said "I was trying to spare you, but my mother fired me
because I married you!" that he softened and shut up about the money.
It's not really a lie. Although my mother
didn't fire me technically her behaviour caused me to quit so really it
was a constructive dismissal and against the law.
She's lucky I don't take her to court.
Ali still has to get rid of his apartment
so he has been over there a lot packing. I'd offer to help but I really
have to catch up on some sleep before starting my new life.
September 6
I phoned Rod to tell him the news and he
said he was very happy for me. That wasn't exactly the reaction I was
hoping for .Part of me was hoping to scare him straight - the thinking
and feeling part anyway - the rest of me was OK with it.
There is something wrong with Ali but I'm
afraid to ask because he might answer.
September 7
I finally asked Ali what was wrong. He was
sighing so heavily I could barely concentrate on Big Brother 5.
Instead of saying "Nothing" like I hoped, he turned off the
sound (now I'll have to wait three days to find out if they voted off
the other pumpkin faced twin) and said "Jenna, I care for you I really
do, but I can't live my life knowing I dishonoured my family."
My God! He is so melodramatic! "I can't
live my life knowing I dishonoured my family" Talk about exaggerating.
I've been disowned by family twenty gazillion times and it's really no
big whoop.
I let him ramble a bit about how awful he
felt about disappointing his family while I tried to read lips on the
TV. (I can't.)
I am a student of human nature and if I've
learned one thing over time it's this: Marriage is all about ultimatums.
I told Ali he had a choice either he stop
moping about his family or he'd never see me or his gold card again.
Let's just see where his priorities are.
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
Click here for a past diary excerpts. |
