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Nov 25
All my mother
wanted to know was what David's wife looked like.
If I wasn't so
mad at her I would have lied and said she looked like an old skank but instead
I told her the truth. I could hear her deflating over the phone. Serves her
right.
I tried to tell
her about Megan, and Catherine and how the meal was timed, and she kept interrupting
with questions like "what was she wearing?" "Is she jowly?".
There is no hope for that women. Can't she see that her daughter is in crisis?
Not only do I
have an lousy old family I have a brand new lousy old family.
Life stinks.
Nov 27
I'm getting together
with Jenny and Irene tonight and we are going to hooooowwwwwllllll!
It has been soooo
long since I've seen them--I can't even remember why we drifted away but it
doesn't matter we're going to have an absolute riot. We'll drink, meet some
guys, dance. Oh I need this so bad! Just to let loose with people who really
know and understand me.
That's what's
been missing I think. I've been spending too much time around crazy old people
I need to be around people my own age.
Nov 28
Has the whole
world gone mental? Am I the only sane person left in this entire universe?
You don't talk to friends for a couple of months, then bang they sail right
off into loserdom.
It's been so
long since I went clubbing that I really had to hunt down any evening wear.
My hair turned out absolutely perfect on only the fourth try and I got a chance
to put on that glitter I'd been saving since last New Year.
It had hardened
a little bit but I added some Vaseline and it went on smoothly.
I'm not used
to walking in stilettos anymore so Iwas a bit wobbly and my dress was a little
tight but I looked fantabulous and felt absolutely great--until they picked
me up and told me we were going to the Olive Garden.
It just got worse
after that.
Jenny as it turns
out is five months pregnant. Surprise! When I first saw her I was really happy
because I just thought she got fat but no, she's pregnant.
Irene is getting
married in February. I didn't even know she was dating anyone so I think it's
a pretty safe guess that I'm not a bridesmaid.
We sat smack
in the middle of the room and I felt terribly conspicuous, kind of like a
parade float in a cemetry. Just figures that the people at the tables on either
side each had birthday's so the waiters would come banging pots and pans singing,
"from the lasagna we baked to the pasta we made, we're here to wish you
happy birthday (and we mean it)." Because I was decked out in glitter
they kept thinking I was the birthday girl.
It took me ages
to pat flatten my hair and the glitter just slid off somewhere near my ears.
I kept
my coat on because my dress was backless--nothing I could do about the shoes
but it didn't matter because we were stuck in banquette anyway.
Jenny, the same
Jenny who once got so drunk on Amaretto while she was hosting a party that
she passed out in her front hall closet while she was hanging up a coat, the
same Jenny who after a jungle party in the park came home and left her underwear
hanging off her mother's bedroom door knob and when asked why there were burrs
in her underwear she answered "they're not mine'", sat there nursing
a soda water and waving away cigarette smoke from the restaurant next door.
She kept patting
her stomach contentedly and smiling. I wanted to whack her with a bread stick.
Irene was no
better. Who on earth can talk for two hours about boutonnieres and cunning
candles? (At least I know what I'm getting her as a gift. I can unload some
of that Precious Moments crap. The new Irene would probably love that.
I watched as
my two old friends chatted inanely and swirled down the drain to matronhood.
How could they
do this to me?
Nov 29
I feel so betrayed.
I have no one. I'm alone. All alone.
I just realized
that Christmas is coming that depressed the crap out of me.
Last year at
this time I was so excited. Andy and I were going away the day after Christmas
which made Christmas day bearable and I thought for sure that he was going
to propose to me New Years Eve.
I remember actually
enjoying Christmas shopping and getting ready for the trip was a real buzz.
I'd never been to Niagara Falls but it just seemed such a romantic place to
ring in the new century. There was also an element of danger, because there
was a chance that computer's all over the world would screw up and everything
would go wonky.
I remember at
midnight Andy taking my hands and looking into my eyes, he kissed me then
he said something which I didn't quite catch but I thought it was "Will
you do me the honour of becoming my wife." I screamed "yes"
and we kissed and danced and kissed and danced and then kissed, and kissed
and kissed.
I remember swirling
around the dance floor planning our future, thinking about what our kids would
look like and where we would live. I had the entire first floor of the house
decorated by 1:05 which isn't bad considering it was pretty noisy in there.
It was so wonderful,
but it was a bit of a gyp that I didn't actually hear the exact words.
I wonder what
would have happened if I hadn't asked him to repeat himself.
As it turns out
he had actually said 'the power is still on, that's a good sign.'
I pitched a fit
and he accused me of being unstable and hysterical. We broke up at 2:30 am.
This year I don't
even have a break up to look forward to.
Nov 29
Megan the snake,
left a message on my answering machine. I really don't want to call her back
but I have no idea what "sister" etiquette is. This is all pretty
new to me.
Michael got a
new DVD player and brought it over. We watched Gone With The Wind which used
to be my favourite romantic movie of all time when I still had the scales
on my eyes.
This time I just
found myself snorting at all the mushy bits, criticizing Vivien Leigh's accent
and trying to see the pins in Clark Gables ears.
Michael actually
got mad at me and that made me feel a bit better. All this time he's been
like some sort of zebra mussel that I couldn't scrape off, but this show of
life made it possible for me to vent.
It started when
I accused him of using up all the good air in the room and dramatically threw
open the window panting for breath.
He laughed and
it just sort of progressed.
He got up and
said "Jenna, I don't have to take this" which gave me plenty of
room to scream out all the things he'd done wrong since the moment I set eyes
on him and he left.
I told him how
sick I am of him, dropping by my work , popping by the apartment whenever
he damn well feels like it, sitting on my couch like he has every right and
taking up so much damn room.
I felt almost
elated until a couple of hours after he left and I realized there was nothing
on TV.
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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