Jenna's Diary appears every Friday.

Jan 19

I weighed myself again after taking off my earrings and my scrunchy. I've gained 22 1/2 pounds. Oh Gooooooodd. Why didn't I notice? Sure I've noticed that my clothes were a little tight but 22 1/2 pounds!!! I should have exploded out of them!

I've tried to add up every calorie I've ingested since the last time I weighed myself but I lost count after the first breakfast.

I wish that I hadn't weighed myself. Then I could have lived happily in denial mad at shoddy clothes manufacturers and bad dry-cleaners. Instead I've started to walk splay-footed and I'm sure I hear the ground tremble.

Oh, man this is awful. Jim came over last night just after I weighed myself. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why I was crying. I don't want to bring it up in case he hasn't noticed but I think he met me when I was all ready obese.

I was so close to breaking up with him but now I can't because who else would have me.

Oh, God this is terrible. I'm going to work out starting tomorrow. I'm going to go on a diet first thing in the morning. I've got to lose this before the wedding everybody I have ever known will be there and since most of them dislike me anyway I just can't give them another reason.

I've got 10 days to lose 22 1/2 pounds. That shouldn't be hard.

I've got to run, the pizza just arrived.

Jan 21

I swear people treat you different when you are obese.

I was talking on Paige's cellular today and she very rudely asked me if I would mind not using her phone.

If I was a normal weight she probably wouldn't have said anything but there is a definite fat bias in this country.

And how about that perfect cosmic slap in the face. Brittany has a weight problem too.

Her doctor says she has to gain ten pounds.

All day long that stupid twit obsessed about it. What an idiot! She kept pulling at her jeans and talking about how she just has to take them in.

She is soooooo self absorbed. She is so shallow! All she can think about is how she looks. As if anybody cares. She disgusts me.

I wanted to work out first thing this morning but I slept in and I was going to start my diet but realized I should research this more for maximum benefit.

Jim came by for lunch and we went to McDonalds. Now that I know he has no money I'm going to have to economize. I only had small fries with my Big Mac, so that was good.

Jan 23

OK I have found the absolute perfect diet program for me.

What I'm going to do is cut out all carbohydrates. This is going to be the easiest way to do this and it's a perfect way for me to slip past Jim that I'm on a diet.

For some reason admitting you are on a diet is like admitting you are out of control so I'd prefer to keep it hush, hush.

I'm also going to start doing yoga. I got a tape that suits me to a 't'. I've never had any success with aerobics tapes because there is too much moving and sweating going on. Madonna keeps in shape with yoga and if she can look like that after a couple of kids then it will be a piece of cake.

I still have a lot of carbos to finish off in my fridge before I start this diet. I'm not a millionaire so I can't just let them go to waste.

I watched a few minutes of the yoga tape and it looks cinchy.

Excellent. I wonder if I should call the boutique and tell them that I'll probably have to have my bridesmaid dress taken in?

Jan 24

Jenny is such a witch. She phones me today asking me what I'm bringing to the shower for Irene next Saturday.

Hello? I'm a last minute replacement and they are expecting me to help? I thought under the circumstances I wouldn't even have to bring a gift.

She told me if I made up some sandwiches and brought a salad I should be OK.

Sure, make somehow who is completely carb-intolerant spend a day with loaves of bread. What a witch.

Jan 25

I'VE GOT THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

After a day of protein only, I found myself jamming a raw potato in my mouth. I dreamed all day about bread, buns, muffins, bagels. It was too much I became dizzy and sick.

I realized this carbo-less diet is not working for me and that I would have to modify it to include more carbos. It's the only way I could have a life long diet that I would have no problem sticking too.

Sooo, I thought of my computer and then it hit me. I can make up a diet program and post it on a website!

I'll record day by day what I ate and then when all the weight is gone, I can give diet tips, maybe even some beauty tips, some poems and finding your spirit crap, expert advice and then I could start selling books and audio tapes, which for sure would get me on Oprah.

I could go to the wedding as a "dot.com-er" and everyone would have to respect me.

Man, this is a sure-fire way to make millions. I'll probably have to move to San Francisco to be with other dot-commer's but nothing is holding me here.

All I have to do is design it (easy) and create a new diet program.

I was going to put in a "before" picture of me but I look way too fat in the ones I have.

THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA I HAVE EVER COME UP WITH!!!!