Jenna's Diary appears every Friday.

Jan 27

I was so depressed last night that I slept with Jim.

I figured that we had waited long enough but mostly I just wanted to be wanted. He's here all the time now and there was nothing on TV so I figured that at least it would give me something to do.

It made me even more depressed. It's not that he's a bad lover or anything but for some strange reason his face kept transforming into Moe the Bartender from the Simpsons and that was really a turn off.

I feel lousy today. I am such a whale. On top of everything I've got premenstrual bloat and the only thing that cures it is eating.

I've got to find something to wear to that stupid shower tonight and someway to get there with three dozen sandwiches.

I've been on this stupid diet for two days and I haven't lost a pound. I've had to really modify it because I can't live on just carbos.

My web page is looking good though I put in my new diet modifications--it's so easy!!! I just put ads on it so I'll just think of that and how much money I'll make.

I try to concentrate on how companies will be trying to cash in on my diet plan and all the interviews and stuff.

I think when I meet Oprah, I'll try to be like Dr. Phil. He's a regular guest so he must have something that she likes.

I've been practicing a straightforward manner with Jim but he doesn't notice because he's an idiot.

Jan 28

Oh, man--I may be an obese whale but I haven't lost my touch!

The shower was the usual women's crap. Irene sitting there like a moron with a paper plate filled with bows on her head. She squealed and oohhed over everything.

I am so glad I spiked the punch.

There were a lot of people I haven't seen for years and was hoping I would never see again. Annette Gaudet was there and she looks like she's 100 years old so I talked to her but avoided Mary-Anne Keutabel who looks gorgeous.

I wanted stay out of sight until I've lost the weight and have become a millionaire so I hung out at the food table.

Jenny was a complete pain in the butt. It's not enough that I'm a last minute replacement bridesmaid, it's not enough that I made enough chicken salad sandwiches to feed Iowa that I had to bring on the bus. No, she wanted me to help hostess!

All this yakking about how she's 8 months pregnant and how it's hard for her to move around and how tired she gets. You'd swear I was the one who got her pregnant.

I ate all the sausage rolls by myself, I'm not really breaking the diet because there is a lot of protein but I shouldn't have had four helpings of cake. I don't think I'll put that in my plan.

They played a lot of stupid games and laughed their stupid heads off. Especially Mary Anne who has the worst laugh on earth and walks on bouncy toes.

They each wrote down a sentence about Irene and Paul then they tried to make a story out of it. Yech.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse the doorbell rings. Jenny made me get it and it was this absolutely gorgeous policeman. He said that he had a warrant for Irene's arrest.

I'm kind of ashamed at how happy that made me.

I asked him in and led him to the living room I was debating whether or not to call the newspapers when he approached Irene and stripped off his uniform.

I'll admit that I did find it strange to see a cop come in with a ghetto blaster.

The next thing you know he's dancing all over the living room thrusting his shnozzwanger in everyone's face. Man, to hear them scream and shout you'd swear they'd never seen one before.

I returned to the buffet table and polished off some quiche.

When it was over and everyone was positively frothing he came over the get something to eat. His name is Lewis but he goes by the name The Mighty Thor.

Mary Anne was acting like a complete jerk, testing his muscle and running her fingers up his chest. I just stood there getting fatter until she looked at her watch and said she had to run.

I couldn't help myself and I said to The Mighty Thor--Lewis, "Don't you get sick of woman throwing themselves at you?"

He looked at me and said "was she throwing herself at me?" I found that endearing that this gorgeous hunk of man didn't even notice when women were laying it out on a plate for him.

I told him that she was, that I had known her for a long time and that was Mary Anne's way of saying "take me."

We ended up talking and talking, and at the end he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee some time!!!

See! Men do prefer substance over looks!

I haven't lost it!

Jan 31

I don't know how I didn't notice it. Day by day Jim has been moving more and more of his stuff in.

I knew he was here more than he should be but his stuff? I went to brush my teeth this morning and a whole bunch of herbal junk fell out of the medicine cabinet.

It was like something inside me snapped. He was of course watching TV and I turned it off and just let into him.

He had that stupid bewildered look he always has and tried to calm me down but I just found myself throwing his stuff in garbage bags and telling him to hit the road.

We had absolutely nothing in common except the fact that we both adored me.

I don't know what I was thinking. The only goals he has are totally unrealistic one--what's going to happen when I'm a dot.com millionaire? He'll become Tom Arnold I can just see it.

How could I have tied myself to someone like that? Gorgeous available men like Lewis are beating a path to my door and I settle for Jim?

No more. I threw him out and told him not to ever contact me again.

The minute he was gone I didn't feel a thing. No remorse, nothing except a mild irritation that I had accidentally thrown my hair gel in one of his bags.

I feel liberated!!!! I wasn't meant to be with people who drag me down, I'm a go-getter a take the world by the oyster kind of person.

Feb 1

Lewis called!!!!!! We're going to meet for coffee next Wednesday. Whooooo Hooooo!!!!!

I chose a coffee shop right near my work so that he could meet me after. Wait until Paige and Madeline get a load of him! They will have a brand new respect for me.

We have soooo much in common. He's in the entertainment field and I will be too as soon as my web site takes off.

We both like to dance and ...I'm sure there are a million other things.

I didn't want to ask him if he wanted to be my date for the wedding because it was way too soon. You just don't set up a coffee date and then invite them to a wedding it's too big of a commitment.

I'll wait until we are halfway through our date and then I'll just casually ask what he's doing on Saturday.

There is a good chance he has to work, I'm sure Saturday's are pretty busy for stripper's but from what I've seen he only works for an hour or so, I could ask him to drop by later.

I don't mind going to the wedding and the reception alone if he's going to come after because all the women who will be at the wedding were at the shower and drooled over him so it would be enough just to say we are dating!

Finally things are turning around!