July
19
Oh,
gross me right out!! I just came home from work and my mother and her new
freakazoid friend (who's name is Aimee, which somehow figures) are sitting
their chattering like huge toddlers and my mother comes over and says in
her baby voice. "We gotta supwise for you!"
I
figured it was going to be one of those creepy figurines so I didn't sweat
it because I can throw them out when she leaves, but it was worse they had
invited Aimee's son to dinner.
A
set up!
I
was absolutely livid, completely spitting mad and I wanted to just explode
but I didn't have time because I had to put on some makeup and redo my hair.
July
20
What
an nightmare! Michael was about 6'2 each way and had the annoying habit
of chewing the skin of his lips. He would tear big strips with these ginormous
yellow teeth. He'd take time out from devouring himself to chomp noisily
on a big wad of gum.Yeeeecch!
My
mother and Aimee went all out. They had discovered a recipe for Pad Thai
chicken which would have been exciting if my mother wasn't so prone to substituting
ingredients. Here is my mothers version:
3
Tablespoons Safflower oil = 2 tablespoons Becel
One
Half Package "Rice Stick" Oriental Style Rice Noodles = I pkg Kraft Dinner
1/4
Cup Fish Sauce= milk
1/4
Cup Sweetened Soy Sauce= ketchup
1/4
Cup Ground Roasted Peanuts= peanut butter ...well you get the idea.
It
was vile as most of her cooking is, but watching him eat!! I've seen piranhas
that were more graceful.
After
dinner those lunatics put Michael and me on the couch together and started
cooing about "what a pwetty picture". Talking about what beautiful
grandchildren we would make for them. It was appalling!
He
just sat there like a lump, chuckling at their baby talk and stinking of
motor oil and Double Bubble.
It
was the longest night of my life.
July
21
Mr.
Van Heusan asked me to type a letter an hour before I was supposed to go
home. I'm halfway through a crossword puzzle and he's expecting me to drop
everything and cater to his whims.
I
took it off him and gave him a look. Luckily he picked up on it and said
it was OK, he would do it himself.
I
felt kind of bad watching him hunt and peck over the keys and was going
to help him, but I had to get to the dry cleaner.
July
22
I've
been storing up stuff for two days, just waiting for my mother to set me
up with Blobbo again. I rehearsed everything, but she hadn't even mentioned
it!!
Finally at dinner tonight I exploded and told her "If you think for
one minute that I'm ever going to see that creep again, you are absolutely
and completely out of your mind. I am not now and have never been desperate".
She
just looked up with that brainwashed look and said. "OK dear"
This
totally weirded me out so I repeated myself to cut through the Precious
Moments goo, and she just nodded sweetly.
What
the hell is wrong with her?
July
23
Mr.
Van Heusan is going away for a few days which is great, I really need a
break. I closed up the office at 2 and went to a movie.
July
24
HE
DOESN'T LIKE ME!!!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!
After
four days of telling my mom how I was never, ever in a gazillion years ever
going to see that buffoon again, she breaks down and tells me he wasn't
attracted to me.
HE
WASN'T ATTRACTED TO ME. HE WASN'T ATTRACTED TO ME! Who the
hell does he think he is? I asked my mother for his telephone number so
I could tell him how much he disgusted me, and she wouldn't give it to me
she just started giving me variations of "sometimes people aren't meant
to be together, you'll find someone soon"
I've
got to get to the bottom of this.
