Jenna's Diary appears every Friday.

Feb 3

Oh this is perfect. Just perfect. Hee Hee!

I called everyone who was at the shower to ask if they had a good time. I figured since technically although I didn't do anything I was the co-host so it made sense.

I asked them how they were, talked about what a riot those party games were, how nice they looked and then I just casually slipped in "Oh, do you remember Thor the dancer at the shower? Well, we're dating now" and then I'd ask them if they liked the sandwiches so it wouldn't look like I was bragging.

OK technically we aren't dating, but we are going to have date which is the first step, so really it's just a matter of timing. I saved Mary Ann Keutabel for last. She made such an ass out of herself over him that I wanted to savour every single solitary syllable.

She has it coming to her because she has lived a charmed life up until now. I've known her since third grade and I remember Anna, Teresa, and Gabriella linking arms in the schoolyard singing "Mary Ann-a Pollyanna, Keutabel is cute, Yah!" over and over as if they were brainwashed. It used to absolutely rot my socks. Up until now she's gotten by on her looks so it gave me great pleasure to tell her about Thor.

She didn't even have the decency to let her jealousy show. She just turned it around and said, "Jenna, you're dating a stripper?" !!!!! Sure Miss "let me feel your muscles, you're so strong." Oh she'll be smiling out of the other side of her face when I show up at the wedding with Lewis/Thor. I kind of fibbed and said he was driving me crazy with telephone calls but once he gets to know me I'm sure he will start doing that. We had soooo much in common.

Feb 4

This diet is really working for me I have so much energy!!!! I'm going to weigh myself next week but I'm pretty sure I've lost at least 10 pounds. My clothes don't feel loose or anything but that's because of post-menstrual bloat.

I started out with the Atkins plan and that stunk so then I incorporated the Heller's low carbo plan because they have one reward meal a day. I found that kind of hard to stick to so I've had to modify it further, but I know for sure it's working.

I don't think the counter is working on my website because it is still at zero and I don't know how to make a link but I've got to get about five more days of the diet, in order to make it look more legitimate. I wish I knew how to put sounds in because that would make it perfect.

Jim has called me every single day since I threw him out. He said he didn't understand why I would change so suddenly. I finally had to make out a list of what is wrong with him and read it to him over the phone.

He freaked out on me saying that I wasn't perfect and it wasn't fair for me to...blah, blah blah I was painting my toenails so I didn't hear all of it because the phone kept slipping.

After I finished my pinkie toe I came right out with it. I told him that I was seeing someone else and he hung up on me.

Big whoop.

I am so excited about Wednesday. I'm going to have to buy something new just in case I don't lose all the weight by then.

9:00 Lewis called!!! he asked if we could have coffee tomorrow night instead of Wednesday as he has a 'gig'.

What am I going to wear? All my clothes are too tight except that fisherman's sweater that I thought would make me look like a skier but didn't and stinks of mothballs.

If I don't eat or drink and wrap myself in Saran Wrap I'll probably be able to wear some of my regular stuff.

Feb 5

I look a complete wreck. I wrapped the Saran too tight and couldn't sleep. I took one sip of water this morning and bulged right back out again so it was a complete waste of time.

My hair just won't do anything and I tried to get rid of the of the mothball reek on the sweater with perfume but now I just smell like my Aunt Josie.

I've spent most of the morning re-applying my makeup and Paige and Madeline have been giving me dirty looks.

Wait until they get a glimpse of the Mighty Thor that will give them something to think about. He's picking me up at 5:00.

I feel like this day is never going to end!

Feb 6

I called in sick, I'm never going to get out of bed again.

Feb 7

I've called Jim eight times and he still hasn't called me back. What am I going to do?

It was a mistake to have Lewis meet me at work. Now all Paige and Madeline can do is talk about him I am sooooo humiliated.

Why did I call everyone from the shower to brag? What is wrong with me? Why did I think for one second that a gorgeous hunk like that would be interested in a great big gob of goo like me?

I should have picked up on it in the cafe when he complained about how long it took to get a coffee and how he kept looking at his watch.

I'd rehearsed a lot of witty banter but he didn't seem to be listening, he just kept looking around for the waitress. I was completely out of conversation by the time she arrived with our coffees.

I thought maybe it was because of my stinky sweater so I frantically tried to think of things to say but ended up just repeating what I said to him the other night at the shower because that was such a hit.

I smiled and shook my head and said (again) "Don't you get sick of women throwing themselves at you?" expecting him to reply (again) "women throw themselves at me?" with that farmboy look he had at the shower.

Instead he just shrugged and said "No."

He started to talk about the shower and even though I was put off by his response I rallied round to the topic at hand. He wanted to know who owned the house how did we all know each other, how long have I known Mary Ann, how long has Irene been engaged, do I keep in touch with Mary Ann, when is the big day for Irene, is Mary Ann going to the wedding, how long has Jenny had the house, is Mary Ann seeing anyone, is it going to be a big wedding and then finally:

He asked me for Mary Ann's phone number.

Oh God. I am such an idiot.

An idiot without a date for the wedding. I've got to get in touch with Jim.