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Feb 8
We had our
final fitting for the bridesmaids dresses last night.
I hope I get
hit by a bus before Saturday.
That seamstress
must have taken in the dress rather than let it out because when I finally
got it done up I was bulging all over the place. I tried to tell her that
she made a mistake but the woman is a freak.
Mocha has never
been a good colour for me to begin with and crepe makes my skin look waffly.The
back is cut out of the dress which made it easier to do up but there was
too much room for the fat to accumulate. I look like a giant pin cushion.
The only good
thing is that Jenny and Irene were so miserable about how I looked in
the dress they didn't have a chance to ask me about Thor.
I've called
Jim 14 times today and he still hasn't called me back but I only left
5 messages because I didn't want to look desperate.
Feb 9
I went over
to Jim's place after work. I found his name on the intercom and pleaded
with him to let me in.
His building
has a camera in the lobby that the residents can view on their TV screens.
I know Jim uses this feature because he says he watches it when there
is nothing on regular TV.
I stood in
the lobby, apologizing, crying, trying to plead my case to the camera
until the landlord told me he'd call the police.
Feb 10
The Wedding
Day. Yippee.
I'm not looking
forward to this. Jenny is absolutely furious that I missed the rehearsal
dinner. I told her that I had eaten some bad clams but she didn't believe
it for a second. I feel so depressed. I don't want to go! I'm going to
have a glass of wine to calm my nerves.
I can hardly
wait until it's this time tomorrow when it will be all over with. Everything
will be a lot better tomorrow.
Feb 11
I am so sick
I wish I could die. I've been vomiting every fifteen minutes for the past
four hours. I've been throwing up so violently that I've broken blood
vessels in my eyes.
I'm going to
move. I'm going to move far, far away and start a new life. There is nothing
for me here. I'm oh...........
Feb 12
I had to call
my mother in to take care of the store because Brittany goes to school
during the day. For once my mother didn't put me through the wringer.
I was so weak it's all I could do to squeak out a few words to her. She
said she'll drop by after work to see if I'm OK.
I don't care.
Feb 13
I've had the
phone off the hook since Sunday. I had to mentally prepare myself to hang
it back up again. That stupid Call Answer service picks up messages when
the phone is engaged so I steeled myself for the angry messages from Jenny
and Irene.
Nothing.
Oh, God.
It's not like
it's all my fault. If Irene hadn't asked me to be a bridesmaid then none
of this would have happened also what kind of idiot has an open bar?
I'll admit
I was a bit tipsy by the time we got to the church. I had two glasses
of wine waiting for Jenny and then they cracked open some champagne while
we got our hair and makeup done.
There was nothing
wrong with that because it really calmed my nerves. Jenny and Irene wanted
to know when Thor would be showing up and I very quickly lied and told
them that he was modelling for a calender and might not be able to make
it.
I was amazed
at how quickly that sprung to my lips but I was even more delighted at
how impressed they were. Another glass of champagne later I was telling
them that it looked like he and I had a future and in the limo on the
way to the church I told them that I was bringing him home to meet the
family next weekend.
The ceremony
was looooooong. I felt kind of dizzy and really warm. The crepe was so
itchy and I felt myself perspiring during the service. There was a weird
buzz in my ear and I couldn't hear too well. I was trying so hard to be
alert that when the minister asked "Do you take this man...."
I accidentally yelled out I Do.
Jenny gave
me a dirty look for talking during the service to Irene's aunt in the
first row but other than that it went pretty smoothly.
The pictures
took forever but the receiving line was bearable because there was a bar
only 5 feet away. The first words out of anyone's mouth who had been at
the shower were "where's Thor?" it was so neat to be the centre
of attention at your friends wedding.
It got so that
I was actually believing that Thor and I were not only dating but were
on the cusp of our 25th anniversary.
The longer
the line went the more I embellished my relationship with Thor. I think
I was telling someone about the baby names that Thor and I had picked
when I looked down the line and saw Mary Ann Keutabel.
Mary Ann Keutabel
and Thor.
It went downhill
from then on. With the aid of some wine, lots and losts of wine, I made
it through the dinner and speeches.
The rest is
a bit foggy. I remember dancing with Jenny's brother the one who exposes
himself when he gets drunk. That's when my zipper gave way but I didn't
care.
I remember
Jenny telling everyone about my website but not remembering the url for
it.
I remember
crying in the bathroom but I can't remember why.
I remember
telling Mary Ann Keutabel that she was an old whore.
I remember
cutting in on the bride's first dance.
I remember
falling on the dance floor after giving a rousing rendition of "Who
Let The Dogs Out" s and Jenny leading me off.
I remember
Irene's fresh off the shelf husband helping me to the lounge.
I remember
pouncing on him pawing at his clothes and necking with him.
I remember
frozen forever a snapshot of Irene's face when she came into the lounge.
And that's
about it.
I'm going to
move. There's nothing here for me anymore.
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
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