Jenna's Diary appears every Friday.

Feb 23

I'm so depressed about gaining weight I can't stop eating.

Watching my dream crumble is no joke. There is no way my diet is going to make me millions because no one ever got on Oprah by making people fatter.

I don't understand it. I took the theory of Atkins and the reward meal of The Heller's. I took out a few snacks and added two more reward meals. I tweaked it until it was a diet I could live with and I gained weight? How is that possible.

I might have to revamp it. The Cabbage Soup diet looks easy maybe I'll try that and change around a few things to make it the "Jenna Soup Diet'.

I really admire myself for not losing my optimism.

Feb 24

I ran into Jenny today at Jasen's Market. It was soooo awkward. I was picking up the ingredients for my new diet and she was waddling around the cake and frosting aisle. I saw her and ducked into home cleaning products. I hunched over my cart and tried to make it to the checkout without her seeing me.

I thought I was in the clear until the stupid cashier made this huge spiel about it being the express lane.

I explained that the "eight items or less" thing was just supposed to be a guideline and she went into this big thing about me having over 20 items. She sent me over to the next line and wham! I bumped right into Jenny.

She was very cool to me. I tried to act like nothing was wrong, because I've forgiven them and just told them about my new diet and about redecorating my apartment.

She interrupted me just as I was giving her the colour scheme, she goes. "Jenna, I don't know what's going on with you but Irene and I just can't take it anymore."

Then she went on for twenty minutes about how they were sick of my irresponsibility and my self-absorption.

I didn't hear all of it because I was planning my response. I've had all week to think about it and the old Jenna would just have freaked, but now with my new taking responsibility thing I just said to her "You're right Jenny. I've got a lot of issues that I've got to work out. I've been unfair to both of you."

Jenny looked like I'd hit her on the back of the head with a shovel. It was great.

I'd heard someone say that on Oprah and boy does it work! She's going to come over on Tuesday so we can talk.

Depending on how I feel I might pretend I'm not in I don't want to spend the whole night spewing about feelings.

Feb 26

Oh, God I'm sick. I am soooo sick. I went to work but Paige and Madeline suggested I go home they offered to cover for me.

I think the gas might have had a lot to do with it. I'm am positively reeking. It's like my stomach fills up with like a beach ball and then prick the gas comes whistling out. You can actually hear whshhhhh sound. The odour is foul. It was so hard on the bus dealing with nausea and cramps while trying to pin it on the old woman next to me.

Feb 27

I tried to cancel on Jenny but I couldn't get in touch with her.

She arrived about eight and when she saw how bad I was feeling she made me a cup of tea.

It worked out well though because I was so ill she didn't go into the usual "what's wrong with Jenna" routine.She just started talking about the new baby.

BORING!

On and on and on and on. She talks to her stomach constantly--is that not bizarre? I'm sure if I started talking to my foot or my wrist they'd all have something to say about it.

She's due anytime now and I can hardly wait because maybe she'll shut up about it.

Feb 28

I'm feeling a bit better but I still stink. I'm getting used to it though I just wish Paige and Madeline would. Can I help it?

Weird, I was talking to a woman who wanted to order "Safe in Jesus' Arms" she started telling me a story about her daughter-in-law and how she just lost a baby. Usually I'd make a joke to lighten her up like "where, in a shopping mall?" but instead I started bawling!!!

Right there in the store I'm crying my eyes out bubbling like a big saucepot of emotions.

What the hell is wrong with me? All day long on and off I would think about her and start weeping again. It was so embarrassing--am I losing my mind?

Mar 1

Oh My God. I don't know why I didn't piece this together. Weight gain. Nausea. Mood swings.

Oh my God. I'm trying desperately to remember when I had my last period but I can't. I can't even remember the last time I slept with anybody.

Oh no.

Jim.

I remember we did it because I figured we'd waited long enough and there was nothing on TV.

If it had been a Thursday this nightmare wouldn't have happened.

Oh my God. This is what happens to people in bad after school specials. I'm sure I took precautions but I've blocked the whole thing out because during the act he started to look like Moe the Bartender from the Simpsons.

Oh, my God.