Mar 2

I hardly slept last night weighing the pros and cons.

On the one hand having a baby would make me look more responsible and people would stop treating me like I'm a flake. I'd have something in common with Jenny and my mother would probably buy a lot of presents for it.

On the other hand I don't like kids.

There is also the problem with the father. Even if Jim could hold down a job he is terminally stupid. I'd be on of those mothers who constantly had to rush to school to get their kid's head unstuck from a paint can.

But then again, when they're aren't pooping, babies smell really good. There are so many cute outfits now and I've heard that you actually grow to love them. The kids not the outfits.

We'd be able to go to the park together and I'd have company at night. I'd have someone who loves me unconditionally.

I wouldn't have to worry about the weight I've gained because people will start encouraging me to eat.

Wow, who knew this could be so complicated?

I have the worst gas in the history of the world.

Mar 3

I went to Akron pharmacy for a home pregnancy kit. The labels were so confusing sticks with tips and urine wells and I don't know what else. A clerk asked if she could help me so I just grabbed the nearest one and scooted to the front. I get there and who's behind the counter? Aimee, Michael's mother.

She started asking about my mother and then told me that she thought Michael and Megan were getting serious.

I slipped the pregnancy test into a Snicker's bin and bought three packs of Trident gum.

I debated getting on the bus to go to Walmart but thought it was easier to just wait until she went on break.

That stupid woman worked right through to closing.

Mar 4

Jenny dropped over last night to see how I was feeling. She's ready to drop her baby any day now and that's all she talks about.

After about 15 minutes of hearing about false labour and nothing about me, I couldn't help myself and blurted out that I was pregnant.

She was so happy! It was great, she squealed and hugged me, she talked about how our kids would be able to play together, how we could trade baby clothes, share tips. We got on the phone and told Irene who was still pissed off at me until she heard the news.

It's weird how this can totally change the way people view you.

We had a great time talking about our children's future, it's gonna be a riot. We thought up baby names and she gave me the name of her doctor. We'll be able to share info on sitters and schools. We can take turns baby sitting.

I am so excited about this. I am going to be a great mom. We're going to go look at baby furniture after I finish work tomorrow.

This is great.

Mar 5

I've got a definite glow about me that's for sure. I'm still sick during the day and my stomach is totally wonky but I have a look that reflects my inner peace.

I've been sticking to my new diet because I do think it's really healthy with all the veggies and all but I might have to add meat.

I'll pop out at lunch to get the pregnancy test just to be 100% positive.

Mar 6

None of those pregnancy tests work. The one's I finally figured out said I wasn't pregnant.

A woman knows this kind of thing. Especially me because I'm so in tune with my body.

My mother is going to absolutely freak that's for sure but she deserves it by dishing me up a Daddy so late in life.

My stomach is still upset. I've been eating dried crackers and ginger ale like Jenny recommended. I got a whole bunch of magazines about pregnancy and they're great. There are some amazing maternity fashions available that would look just awesome on me.

Mar 7

I have been imagining what my life will be like once the baby comes. Brian (I think that's a good name) taking his first steps with me (very thin) taking videos of him.

Brian rushing home from school with a clay imprint of his hand that says I Love Mommy. How I'll be sitting there with a bunch of my friends and I'll smile at him, and all my friends will go, "Jenna's a great mother."

How I'll take him to the park and everyone will go "You look too young to have a child" and "what a beautiful baby."

Mar 8

I'm going to report that doctor. Whatever happened to a good bedside manner?

She was just rude no doubt about it. Doesn't she understand how people can panic?

I woke up this morning and noticed a spot of blood, freaked and took a cab to the emergency room.

By the time I arrived I was bawling my eyes out. I explained to the doctor that I was scared about miscarrying and she asked me a whole bunch of questions that had nothing to do with the baby like "when was your last period" and "when did you last have intercourse".

How the hell am I supposed to know? She took some blood and did an examination which I am sure she made purposefully humiliating.

In the middle of her examining my nethers I farted.

She made this big thing about it. Waving her hands and screwing up her face and giving me a dirty looks. Aren't doctors used to this? How does she suppose I felt sitting with my legs splayed up in the air blowing out noxious gas?

She left the room for about an hour and then came back with this really disgusted look. She told me that the blood was from my period, that they are very busy, the emergency room is for people who are ill. On, and on and on that my stomach problem was due to intestinal distress.

She recommended that I a) become more responsible and keep track of my monthly cycle so I don't waste the time energy and resources of the health care system and b) to knock off the soup diet.

I thought I was going to fall apart when I heard that I wasn't pregnant--it was something I wanted so dearly--until I found out that I've lost 17 pounds.

Whoo Hoooo!!!!!! Oh, man as one door closes another one opens.

Damn. What am I going to tell Jenny?

Oh, well---I've lost 17 pounds!!!!