Mar 30

I don't know what's happened. All the weight I lost is slowly coming back.

I want to look good for the jacket photo of my book so I think I'll go back on the soup diet in the next couple of weeks. I would do it now but I'm just so sick of farting.

I've invited Jenny and Irene over tomorrow night. I could tell they weren't all that keen on coming. I think they're still mad at me for telling them I was pregnant. I gave them the impression that I wanted to make it up to them and they said they'd pop over at eight.

I'm going to clean up the place, light some candles, prepare some hors d'oeuvres and have some wine chilling. When they're drunk and full I'm going to just casually mention my book.

They'll probably think I'm joking at first, because I have a great sense of humour but I'll just fan a few pages in front of my face with a half smile and a bit of a shrug and they'll know I'm serious.

Then they'll probably insist that I read some of it. When I first thought of this I was kind of nervous but I've looked it over and what I have so far is really good.

It will be just like having a salon which I plan to have weekly once my book is published. Of course I'd have better people than Jenny and Irene attending it but it's a great start.

April 1st

They'll be laughing out of the other side of their faces once the book is published.

They bounced in and I thought they'd never shut up. On and on about Jenny's new baby, Irene's new husband. Hello? Old news.

Jenny's breastfeeding (gross) and wouldn't even take a sip of wine and Irene said the smell of the candles were making her queasy.

I waited patiently while they droned on and on. About 10:00 I thought it was my turn and said very, very casually "I'm writing a book you know."

I think I said it too casually because the didn't react so I had to say it less casually four more times.

Finally Jenny's head cleared of baby goo long enough to say "is this to do with your web site?" and before I could even answer they were off and running on another subject.

I took out the pages I had so far and began to read. It was really quiet and I felt that I had really grabbed them until I looked up and saw that they were shaking with laughter.

I could not believe it! I sat for two hours listening with rapt interest to whatever the hell it was they were blabbing on about and this is how they repay me.

I was furious. I ripped the pages into shreds, stamped on them and locked myself in the bathroom.

I could tell Irene and Jenny felt bad as they tried to coax me out but there was no way.

I think they left at 11:00 but I stayed in the bathroom until 11:30 just in case it was a trick.

Apr 2

I've thought about it over and over and I know what it is.

They're jealous.

I can't believe it took me so long to figure that out. It is so obvious. Here's me single, foot loose and fancy free, good looking, with an exciting career. And they're stuck in their humdrum lives. Jenny with the new baby and Irene with her new husband.

Jenny phoned me this morning to apologize but I was really cold to her. Irene phoned in the afternoon but even though I'm going to forgive them I thought they deserved to sweat a little bit.

Apr 3

I decided today I would take their calls and forgive them.

When they didn't phone by four, I phoned Jenny's number and hung up but she didn't call back.

At ten o'clock I phoned Irene and said that it was OK, that I was willing to forgive her.

Because she is completely selfish and self absorbed she didn't realize at first what I was talking about so I had to recap the night for her.

She (very casually I thought considering the enormity of the situation) apologized and then mentioned a writers group that met every Tuesday at her library. She asked if I was interested in going.

I think it's a good idea. First of all I would meet fellow writers, people who would understand me and secondly I would be able to dump Irene and Jenny.

I told her I was interested and then she pulled the rug out from under me by saying "great! I'll sign us up!"

US? I'll sign US up? I laughed because I thought for sure she was joking but she said that she needed a hobby, something to get her out of the house.

Who does she think she is? She's never written a word in her life now all of sudden she picks this up as a hobby!!!!

I just don't understand people who think that they can just try on hats until they find one that fits. (Note: that's really good I'll have use that).

Joanna and Eileen sat awkwardly on the Louis 18th chairs and watched Jayde entertain her guests.

They were grateful that Jayde invited them to this soiree, but intimidated by her stately home and the famous guests.

Eileen sighed as Jayde moved like a cat through the crowd. Her sinuous muscles moving with every step. Her hair reflected the candles glow and her eyes sparked with intelligence and mischief.

"Let's go, we don't belong here" Joanna whispered frantically into Eileen's ear. Eileen looked at Joanna and noticed the wrinkles and little pouches under her eyes. She thought of her own jowls and was saddened at the passing of time.

Jayde gave Margaret Atwood a playful punch on the arm and made her way to her childhood friends.

"Are you having fun?" she asked in her languid drawl her lip curling up in a gesture of sympathy.

Eileen nodded quickly and Joanna followed until they both resembled the dog in the back window of a 67 Chevy.

Jayde gently patted Eileen's cheek and masked the sorrow she felt at seeing her friends face ravaged by time.

Joanna, she noted had put on quite a bit of weight and Eileen's hair was liberally splashed with grey but it didn't matter to Jayde as she never noticed these things.

Jayde always felt mixed feelings when with her friends. Although they had never helped or supported her she felt sorry for them. They'd never found direction in their lives. They'd bounced from career to career as if they were trying on hats and were waiting to find one that fit.

I can't believe how easy this is. Words just trip right out of my brain and onto the page. I don't even know where the ideas come from half the time.

I think I'll spend the whole weekend writing. I'll just lock myself away and do a writing marathon. I realize that I've only been doing a page a week and at that rate it will take almost a year to finish it so I'm going write about 50 pages over the weekend to make up for it.

I'll have to change my answering machine message.