May 27

I called Simon first thing this morning but he was in the middle yoga so he said he would call me back.

It gave me time to write down what I wanted to say. My first impulse was to demand to know who that woman was, but Simon is soooo not into possessiveness. I don't even know if we're exclusive or not. He is for me but that's probably because I haven't been able to get a boyfriend for a while.

He is always talking about how suburban I am so I don't want to blow this by throwing out accusations. I also don't want him to think I was spying on him which I wasn't. I just had a bit too much too drink and went for a walk, that's all.

They were only laughing and as far as I know that's not a crime and he got into her car which is also not a crime. There are no crimes, so I shouldn't be upset. He'll probably tell me all about it and I'll feel stupid for being so suspicious.

May 28

Simon didn't call me back yesterday. I know he was in because I called and hung up a few times.( I am sooooo glad he doesn't have call display). How long does yoga take?

OK I'm not going to panic. I'll just put it out of my mind.

Simon says jealousy reveals a persons lack of esteem and I agree. That's why I'm not jealous, I'm just worried about him that's all.

I'm a very secure person.

May 29

I finally spoke to him! I called yesterday to see if I left my hair clip there he said he would look for it and that he'd call me back if he found it.

He sounded OK and I'm feeling better all ready.

10 p.m.

Damn. He said he'd call me back if he found it. I should have said "call me one way or the other"

Damn.

May 30

Simon called to tell me he found the hair clip. That is very weird because I didn't leave one there, it was just an excuse to call.

I told him, great that I'd like to get it off him and he said that he would drop by later this evening.

That is such a relief.

Who owns the hair clip?

May 31

What do I do now? Simon came over at about ten. I was really nervous but he seemed to be just fine. He gave me this godawful hair clip in the shape of a butterfly which I would not be caught dead in and then he started to tell me about his show.

Although he hasn't said so, I am his muse so I listened and feigned interest in his rehearsal stories. Frankly the whole show sounds stupid to me. His clown character is supposed to be enacting the whole history of the universe in under 10 minutes. He went on and on about eggs and symbolism until I thought I was going to scream.

Finally I asked him about the writing group, very casually. He blabbed on for a while about different people in the group and what they were working on. I knew all of the people he was talking about so they were of absolutely no interest to me. He said Irene's last piece wasn't as strong as the other work she has been submitting. That made me feel better for a few minutes until he mentioned a new girl in the group called Sheila.

Sheila according to Simon is:

• Gifted
• Creative
• Warm
• Funny
• Has tiny pearl-like teeth

I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. His face started to glow when he talked about her.

I laughed and said kiddingly "wow, she sounds like quite a gal." He agreed and then talked about her for the next twenty minutes.

I wanted to cry, to scream to do anything but sit there and have him praise another girl but Simon is an artist and it would be a sure-fire way of scaring him off.

I couldn't bear to lose Simon. He is the love of my life.

I've got to think of something.