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June
16
I couldn't
sleep last night. I just kept replaying the incident over and over in
my head. I HATE HIM.
I've made
up my mind, that's it. I don't care if he begs me, I will never see
him again.
I went
through the apartment like a maniac. I took everything of Simon's and
threw it into a garbage bag. When he comes to pick it up I won't say
a word. I will keep my dignity and that should really make him feel
like crap.
I shall
emerge triumphant, alone.
I have
been such an idiot. No more. What is wrong with me? I can't believe
I let him treat me like that. The new Jenna will not tolerate this kind
of behaviour. I can hardly wait until he phones. I'll let the machine
pick it up the first few times and then after maybe the third or fourth
call I'll pick it up. I will very coolly tell him to pick up his stuff.
June
18
Dammit
he hasn't called yet. What is the point of being furious at someone
if they don't know it. I called him and got his answering machine. I
left a very short, curt message telling him that if he wants any of
his stuff he has until 9 pm tomorrow or it will be thrown in the trash.
I wish
I could see his face when he gets the message.
June
19
It's his
loss. He took me for granted. I guess he thought that because I was
an artist too I would tolerate this kind of behaviour. He's got another
thing coming. He'll probably be full of excuses and apologies but I'm
going to stand firm.
I'll wave
off his apologies and say "you had your chance pal, nobody treats
Jenna like that." Maybe I won't use pal. Maybe I'll use chum. If
I smoked it would be really good to light a cigarette while I was saying
it and blow out some smoke after I'm finished.
I'm going
to make myself look really hot so it will totally destroy him.
June
20
Maybe he
didn't get my message.
I waited
up until three this morning and he didn't come over, he didn't even
call.
Maybe one
of his roommates accidentally erased the message or maybe he hasn't
had time to pick them up.
I could
just throw the stuff out but then I won't get the satisfaction of ignoring
him.
There is
just no way he could dismiss what we had together. I was his muse!
I don't
know what to do. I'd look like an idiot if I called back and gave a
second ultimatum.
June
21
I FEEL
LIKE AN IDIOT.
I couldn't
take the waiting anymore and phoned Simon. I had rehearsed a phone message
that said my phone had been out of order and if he had tried to get
in touch with me re: his belongings I didn't get the message. (I even
planned to say re: because I thought that was pretty cold and business
like.
I wasn't
expecting him to answer on the first ring so I shrieked. I was going
to hang up but he said "Jenna? Is that you?".
I recovered
pretty quickly and put a very frosty tone into my voice. I told him
that I still had his stuff, but that it was going straight to the garbage
if he didn't pick it up PDQ.
I waited
for him to say that he'd be right over but instead he said. "What
exactly is there?"
I had to
grab the bag and itemize everything.
- 1 off
white "Disco Sucks" T-shirt
- 1/2
Sandlewood candle
- 1 stick
incense
- 1 white
button
He told
me I could just toss it, I couldn't believe it! I was waiting for the
pleading, the begging the apologies but he just said "Well, I'll
let you go."
Before
I knew what I was doing I was crying and shrieking "how could you
do this to me, I loved you! She is nothing compared to me! We were perfect
together and you threw it all away. I am nothing without you please
Simon don't leave me I'll do anything."
He said:
"I've got a beep on the other line, I'll have to get back to you."
Oh, God
how could I be so stupid. If I wasn't so mortified I'd kill myself.
©2000-2001Sharon
Grehan www.happywomanmagazine.com
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