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Jenna's
Diary
August
3rd
There's a
good chance I'm jumping to conclusions. All I heard was some talking--that
could be anything. The giggling, well maybe they were having a tickle
fight...no that's not so good--maybe Simon farted and David started laughing,
that's a real guy thing to do.
There is
just no way Simon could be gay. I would have noticed, I'm a very keen
observer. I'm like a human tuning fork.
I don't know
what's up Jenny's butt. She has absolutely no reason to be mad at me.
It's not my fault their stupid vehicle wouldn't start. What were we supposed
to do? Wait around all day until they got it fixed?
She said
"Some friend you are, you take off and leave us stranded with a newborn."
Hello? Newborn? It's about 8 weeks old now. What was I supposed to do--
tell David, Simon and Sheila to go on without me? I don't think so.
Sheila is
really pathetic. She hangs on to every single word Simon says. There was
this huge thing about who got to sit in the back seat with him on the
way home. I refused to budge so Simon sat in the front seat with David.
Really mature Sheila.
It was a
horrible trip home. I couldn't hear what David and Simon were saying in
the front seat and there was absolutely no way I was going to talk to
Sheila. It was the longest two hours I ever spent.
I was hoping
that once we dropped Sheila off Simon could come over to my place for
a while but he said he had to go to David's place because they wanted
to work on some stuff.
There's just
no way he could be gay. No way. No way.
Work on what
stuff?
August
5th
Simon is
coming over Thursday night!!!!! He is going to help me decide what publishing
house to go with.
I was going
to make dinner but I don't really know anything about Thai cooking (Simon's
fave!) so I'm going to get takeout and transfer the food to my dishes
before he gets here.
I want it
to look like I actually want to work so I can't wear anything too sexy
but I don't want to look too intellectual and dull. Man it's hard to strike
a balance when you're multifaceted.
August
7th
My mother
is a lunatic. I told her I was late because I had a meeting with a publisher
and she just freaked. She went on and on about how she was sick of my
lies, blah, blah, blah.
How dare
she accuse me of lying! If I'd actually had a meeting with a publisher
I would have made them write her a note and boy, would she feel bad.
She made
my day completely miserable. She even phoned me at home to criticize me
for losing ten orders and for not returning to work after lunch.
I think it's
her upcoming wedding that's making her act irrational. Her priorities
are completely out of whack.
I went to
Linda's Love and Lace and spent over 150 dollars on underwear. I didn't
mean to but I looked sooooooo hot I just couldn't resist. I consider it
an investment really. It'll be worth every single penny to see Simon's
face. I work hard so what I do with my money is my own business.
Note: I've
got to grab the company credit card bill before my mom sees it.
August
8
I'm the biggest
loser on the planet.
Simon showed
up at eight. He was really thrilled with dinner and I could tell he was
impressed with my skill.
I had this
idea that we would drink a little wine in the living room, spend some
time talking about the publishers and then we'd maybe smooch a bit. I'd
excuse myself to go the washroom and come out wearing nothing but my new
bra, G-string and garters. He'd spend a few minutes caressing me with
his eyes and then we'd just naturally make our way to the bedroom. Or
just stay in the living room I was pretty flexible on that.
It was kind
of late by the time we finished dinner,I'd had quite a bit of wine and
the G-string felt like it was cutting me in two, so I kind of rushed to
the finish. The minute he sat I just pounced. I didn't even bother to
go to the bathroom to change I just started ripping off my clothes.
I thought
he was overwhelmed by passion because he just kept moaning "no"
so I increased my efforts. It was only when he rather forcefully pushed
me that I realized that he wasn't into it at all.
He looked
up at me and said "Jenna, you've just got to understand how confused
I am."
Confused?
He's confused? I'm sitting there in 150 bucks worth of underwear and he's
confused?
I came right
out and asked him if he was gay and he said he didn't know.
He said he
wasn't sure of what he wanted anymore. He met David through clowning and
felt that at last he'd met a kindred spirit, that David was the most loving
generous person he'd ever met. That when he looks in David's "beautiful
liquid brown" eyes he feels a kinship he'd never felt before.
There is
no worse feeling in the world than to be sitting in your underwear while
a guy tells you how wonderful another guy is.
He went on
and on about how David is a poet, that he lives for his art that finally
he'd met a kindred spirit someone who gives and craves sensitivity...
The rest
of it is a blur somewhere along the line I got dressed and finished another
bottle of wine. I remember there was a fair amount of crying (Simon) and
begging (me.)
August
9th
I am broken
hearted. I just can't win. Nothing ever works out for me. I give and I
give but I get nothing in return. No one understands or appreciates me.
Anything
I touch turns to dust. I have nothing, I have nobody.
As always
I will have to shoulder this burden alone. My grace and dignity will see
me through. I know this. I accept that my gift gives me a silent courage
born of pain.
I wish you
well Simon, you know not what you do. It could have been a pairing of
the ages but alas it was not meant to be. Our time together will live
in my box of private pain. Locked away forever.
But I shall
survive.
Alone.
I am going
to break open that bottle of Peach Schnapps I got at Christmas and drink
a silent toast to memory.
11:00
ASSHOLE.
DAVID IS
A GREAT POET? DAVID? What about me? Has David received acceptance letters
from people over the world? NO! But who has--let's see, oh, yes ME!!!
Simon is
the biggest asshole I've ever seen in my life and I hope he dies but before
he dies I want to make sure he suffers.
I'm going
to give Pandora's Box Press the go-ahead (well I'll find out how much
they pay first.) I'll get famous and we'll just see how Simon feels sitting
next to his big fat loser poet David when I'm laughing at him on Letterman.
I'm going
to rub his face in it, so that when he comes crawling back to me I can
crush him.
He will be
sorry he ever met me.
I
know I am.
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