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Jenna
appears every Friday.
Sept
7
Sheila:
I'm calling with information about your ex-boyfriend Simon.
Twyla:
Who?
Sheila:
Simon, Simon Thompson?
Twyla:
Thomas?
Sheila:
Thompson. You dated him back in... September '92 I believe.
Twyla:
Oh yeah, what's the matter-- is he hurt?
Sheila:
No, we just wanted to let you know that this man has betrayed
two women and is completely evil.
Twyla:
Who are you?
Sheila:
That's not important. What we're trying to do is get a list
of people that Simon has tortured and manipulated and confront
him with it.
Twyla:
Look, this is just too bizarre I haven't seen Simon in ten
years and he didn't screw me around I broke up with him
because I met someone else, I'm hanging up now. Get some
help and don't ever phone here again.
How
am I supposed to make that into a book? I've got two full
tapes of stuff just like that!
It
is only through skill and talent that I managed to make
that interesting:
"My
steel grey eyes gave Sheila a measured glance. I felt
them blazing as she dialed the phone. She lifted the grey
receiver which holds destiny good and bad in it's plastic
grip to her ear and pulled back a lock of dull brown hair.
The lamp on the desk threw her features into bas relief
and the scars of past pimples stood hollow on her cheek.
"I
waited poised, my finger drumming a silent beat eerily
similar to the sound of sand through an hour glass. Finally
Twyla answered."
Which
is brilliant if I do say so myself but then it's followed
by Sheila's dumb conversation.
This
autobiography would be fantastic if I didn't have to include
anyone else..
Sept
9
I
met with Irene and was finally to get some information out
of her. A synopsis is apparently an outline of the book
so that the editor knows what it is about and how the plot
progresses.
Huh?
This is autobiographical how in the world am I supposed
to figure out how it turns out--am I God all of a sudden?
I'm
beginning to think that Cass at Pandora's Box Press doesn't
know what the hell she's talking about.
I
don't know what to do. Maybe I'm not cut out for the writing
life. It is SO HARD. In one week I've only written a paragraph.
At this rate I'll have the book finished by the time I'm
109.
I'm
really torn--if I give up writing then I will never get
on the talk shows but writing is really. really, really,
boring.
I'm
getting kind of sick of spending time with Sheila too. Sure
I want Simon to suffer but honestly I thought it would be
more interesting. Every night this week we've either followed
him or phoned his old girlfriends. Sometimes I just want
to watch TV.
I
want my old life back. Well maybe not my old life, something
like my old life but with a boyfriend a nicer apartment,
a better family and thicker hair.
Sept
10
We
haven't seen Simon for the past few days. I was delighted
at first because I thought that maybe we could quit staking
out his house, but Sheila says now we move on to plan B.
She
wants to stake out David's apartment. She figures if we
follow him, Simon is bound to appear.
I
am so sick of this! I've started to record over the tapes
because there is absolutely nothing of value on them and
they're expensive. To make up for Sheila's rambling I have
to go double time on the literary stuff and I'm running
out of good words.
This
autobiography is a complete disaster and it is totally not
my fault. I can't help it if everyone in my life is so mind-numbingly
dull that I have nothing to write about.
I
just don't know if I can continue with this. There are thousands
of careers for creative good looking people like me--why
should I waste my good years hunched over my computer?
Sept
13
I
was talking to mom and Mr. Van Heusan over lunch in the
office about how hard the writing life is. I said that writing
an autobiography is the hardest book to write because you
are utterly dependent on the people around you.
Mr.
V seemed very interested and said "I never thought
of it that way" but my mother who is the most self
absorbed person in the world started laughing and said
"Why on earth would anyone want you to write an autobiography?
Come on, Jenna it's not as if you discovered a cure for
cancer or were the first person to walk on Mars--although
there is room for doubt about the second."
She
went into hysterics after this and even Mr. V who I sometimes
like had to hide a smile.
I was going to storm out but we were having Chinese so instead
I pulled out the letter from Pandora's Box Press. That wiped
the smile off her face. She asked me if they were a legitimate
publishing company and I felt that didn't even deserve an
answer and rolled my eyes.
My
mother seemed stunned and reread it about five times. Finally
she said "well this is really something, I had no idea."
She asked what Cassandra was referring to in the first part
of the letter and I told her that she wouldn't understand
anyway as they were "in" jokes.
Then
she APOLOGIZED! My mother who has never done anything but
laugh at efforts apologized! She said that she had no idea
how seriously I was taking this and that she would make
very effort to help me. Then she said---and I thought I
would have a stroke--"I'm proud of you Jenna."
She
has never, ever said that in my entire life. All I've ever
heard from her is stuff like "Jenna do you have to
lie about everything?" and "Jenna you are not
the centre of the universe."
This
is fantastic! I've been replaying it in my head over and
over and this is one of the best days of my life. Finally
my gift is being recognized! My mother has pledged her support
and will encourage me all the way.
I
emerge triumphant!
10:00
p.m.
Oh,
no. This means I'll have to write the book.
Oh,
God!
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
Click here for a past diary excerpts. |
