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Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday
Sept
15
a;sldkfjgha's;dlfkgjhthe
quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs now is the time
for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
a;sldkfjghqpwo eiruty z/x,c, vmbn.
This
is ridiculous. My mother has allowed me to write during
slow periods in the office. Ever since she read Pandora's
Box Press letter she has been encouraging me so much I
want to puke.
My
fingers are getting tired, but everytime I stop they look
up in alarm. I put on my thinking face and gaze off into
the distance but they always try to follow my gaze as
if there is a huge BIG IDEA written on the ceiling four
inches from the water stain.
The
phone rang and I almost put out my back answering it.
Usually I pretend I can't even hear it but I answered
it before I was even sure it was the phone.
I
want my old life back. The one where my mother's only
hope for me was that I didn't get my head stuck in something.
a;sldkfjgha;sldkfjgha;sldkfjgha;sldkfjgha;sldkfjgh
BORING!
Sept
16
Irene
asked me to a party and I am so looking forward to it!
Irene throws the worst parties in the world but it will
be so nice to see people I don't have to write about.
True, they are in my life so they should be in my autobiography
but unless one of them spontaneously combusts I doubt
any of Irene's boring friends will make it in the book.
What
a relief.
Sept
17
I
don't like to say bad things about people it's not in
my nature, but I'm starting to think Sheila is completely
nuts. She drinks a lot which is OK by me. No matter how
much I drink, she is always drunker so I feel superior,
but now she gets tanked and calls me in the middle of
the night.
She
cries about betrayal and talks about vengeance which sounds
really exciting, but in fact it is really boring. She
has started to whine on about her other boyfriends who
have betrayed her and frankly she's starting to sound
like a big fat loser.
Sometimes
there are some gems, like her father has been skimming
money from his company's pension fund, one of her boyfriends
liked to dress up in her pumps and another liked to secretly
videotape his neighbours through his window. This could
work out for the book, I'll just need their full names
and also the name of her father's company.
Usually
though, it is all about her stupid feelings. Luckily I
have the tape recorder and don't have to listen anymore
I just put it on record so that I'm free to doze off while
she rambles.
This
little gadget could come in handy in everyday life.
Sept
18
I listened patiently as Sheila cried and raised a slender
well manicured hand to her face to wipe away a stray tear.
I understood Sheila's pain even though I didn't agree
with it. Her father Reg Burnside is an employee at Bryce,
Corbin and Senson on 142nd St. For the past six years
he has been skimming money off the pension fund. Sheila
is terrified that he will get caught but he assures her
that his plan is foolproof as he has been taking the money
out in small increments. A dollar here, 10 cents there
but it adds up over a long period of time.
This
offended my moral sensibility as I do not agree with law
breaking but I knew that Sheila needed me. I raised a
sympathetic grey eye to her face and allowed a single
compassionate tear to leak out. I said simply. "We
can't be tried for the crimes of our fathers."
The
image of a tree from outside the window on the sidewalk
next to the street where it was planted, cast a shadow
across her face foreshadowing her fate and I shivered.
I
don't like to blow my own horn but that's really good.
I can't believe I was able to write under such pressure.
They
were always yapping on about imagery in the writing class
so I thought I'd stick some in. I really think it works.
Next week I might put in some irony.
Sept
21
It's
going to be so weird to be with people who aren't completely
insane.
I
look so hot--I told my mom I needed to get supplies for
the book (thank God she didn't ask what) so I left early,
got my hair highlighted and a body wax.
It's
odd, but I just realized what a workaholic I've become.
I live for work and I think it's getting on top of me.
I really need to be around people who will stimulate me
intellectually.
I've
been rehearsing a few conversations and it is clear from
the way I looked in the mirror that this area has been
sorely neglected.
I look very charming when I'm sincere and really gorgeous
when I laugh, especially when I toss my hair. I have not
had occasion to do either lately and I think it has affected
my ability to create.
Although
I'm completely broken-hearted, devastated, etc., etc.,
about losing my soul-mate, the love of my life it would
be nice to have a bit of male attention.
Sept
22
I
don't know why I bother half the time.
I was wondering why Irene's husband, Paul, was acting
all weird at the door. He took my coat as if it was cootified
and then I remembered--I made a pass at him at their wedding.
As I've said before I don't feel I'm responsible for that.
It was not my idea to have an open bar,, so I refuse to
feel bad about it. Besides I barely remember it.
Irene
gave me a hug and introduced me to the other guests.
Couples.
The place was completely lousy with couples. I instantly
regretted springing for the bikini wax. Not only was everyone
there married, they were soooooo married. It was like
being in Stepford.
I
felt like a complete knob. I looked around and thought
what's going on?
Here I am, talented, intelligent, goodlooking with a fabulous
sense of humour. I'm kind, empathetic, generous and I'm
alone?
Of course I'm not one to settle for less like they all
did, but still, it might be nice to come home from work
and have someone ask you how your day was, to have to
use all the burners on the stove, to have someone to snuggle
up with on the couch so that you can talk about other
people.
I
watched Irene feed Paul a spring roll (they were awful
by the way) and I thought about how unfair it was. I
deserve it just as much, if not more than her, because
I'm not as selfish as she is.
I attached myself to the buffet and numbed myself with
wine.
At
about ten o'clock a guy appeared from Paul's work. He
was kind of short, kind of homely, kind of bald and I
spent the rest of the night flirting up a storm with him.
I thought it necessary because a) It would give him a
bit of a thrill and b) it would show that I've still got
it. c) it would show them all how much they're missing.
Ivan
is some sort of engineer. I was a little tipsy and made
the stupid mistake of saying "I LOVE trains!"
but thankfully he thought I was joking. He works as a
network engineer (translation: boring but possibly wealthy
it's hard to tell with these tech people because they
all look like they've crawled out of a corpse.) I pretended
to listen to his hilarious (?) story about two UNIX users
walking into a bar, laughed loud and long and watched
everyone else watching me.
While he was droning on, I drank and imagined Paul's conversation
with Irene later.
"Wow,
Ivan is crazy about Jenna!"
Irene would get jealous at first but then she'd grudgingly
admit "yeah, she's a real heartbreaker."
Irene
would phone to tell me that Ivan could not stop talking
about me and I'd just wave it off and pretend I didn't
even remember him. They'd laugh at poor Ivan even thinking
he had a chance. Irene would feel a bit of jealousy at
being tied down to one man while I was free to pick and
choose but I'd try to make her feel better by half-heartedly
saying it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Ivan
then started talking about firewalls and I got into the
brandy and for one very, very brief moment I imagined
what a relationship with Ivan would be like. Dull, but
I think that he'd be so grateful to have a trophy girlfriend
he'd probably spoil me stupid. I'd have to deal with a
lot of "what is she doing with him?" but that
could give me a lot of depth. I was just about to think
about having sex with him when he said he had to go.
I
was so busy being coy about not giving him my number,
that it took me awhile to notice he didn't ask for it.
?????
At first that made no sense until it dawned on me that
he's a tech-type and probably isn't used to normal things
like socializing, dating and daylight. So I thought I'd
help him along a bit. I told him that we should do this
again sometime.
He
just smiled and went to get his coat. The guy's a total
reject!!! He's drowning and won't even accept a life preserver.
I
walked him out to his car figuring I'd let him drive me
home if he asked, but no way was he coming in for coffee,
but he just gave a bit of a wave and got into his Pinto.
I
yelled out my number as he drove away and when
he calls I'm going to snub him like nobody's business.
What
a loser.
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