| Jenna's
Diary appears every Friday.
Oct
6
My
mother is a complete pain in the butt.
I
told her that I just can't write at work that there is
too much distraction and she gave me the fisheye and said
"Jenna, are you angling to get some time off?"
I
huffed and puffed and was completely aghast at this accusation.
She apologized, but I don't think she meant it because
when I asked her if I could leave early to get some writing
stuff she said no.
Isn't
that typical. She gives freely with one hand and whips
it back with the other. One minute she is encouraging
me and the next she is accusing me of lying, so as a result
I had to cancel my appointment at the salon.
Thanks
mom.
Oct
7
I'm
really psyched about tonight. It's been so long since
I've had a girl's night out. It's good too, because with
me becoming an author and all, I'm better looking because
my eyes have more wisdom.
It's
not that I'm really looking for anyone it would just be
nice to have someone pay attention to me who is not Ivan.
(He keeps leaving me messages!!!! Can't he see I'm out
of his league?). It would be nice to have a boyfriend
though, a nice sane boyfriend.
As
it starts to get colder I think of how nice it would be
to have someone's back to warm my feet against. Someone
I could walk in the park with or go out to dinner with.
It would be nice to go to a movie again. I know it's OK
for a woman to go on her own but the last time I went
I bought the special value combo at the snack bar and
had to get an usher to help me carry it to my seat. That
felt pretty pathetic.
If
I could meet someone to have fun with that would be great.
If he was rich and worshipped me that would be better.
I'm
kind of worried about Jenny. She's called me three times
today. She's really nervous because she's been out of
the singles scene so long, she says she won't know what
to do. The last phone call she said she'd rather go to
Red Lobster.
Red
Lobster!!!!! That really pissed me off because our last
girl's night out we went to the Olive Garden. I spent
the whole night trying to hide the sequins on my pantyhose.
The Olive Garden is a great place to meet men. It's also
a great place to meet their wives, children and grandparents.
I told her that Club Hades was not a singles bar. It's
just a place with good music that a lot of single people
go to. Thankfully she bought it. I told her the important
thing was us being together and getting a chance to talk.
Oh,
God I hope someone pays attention to her I'll die if I
have to listen to her yak all night.
Oct
8
Ohhhhhhhhh.
I
looked terrific and I'm not just saying that. I can look
at myself very objectively and on a scale of 1-10 I was
a definite 9. (It would be so conceited to say 10 even
though I'm sure a lot of people would have.)
The
place was completely empty when we got there. I forgot
that these places don't get going until around 10 or 11
but I thought if we got there at 7 we'd get a really good
seat.
Jenny
said she was delighted that it was so quiet because that
way we could talk. Translation: She could talk.
9
Blue Blazer's and 3 hours later she was completely wasted
and started crying. Oh God! Brian this, Brian that on
and on and on. It was really embarrassing because by this
time the place was filling up . She started blubbering
and she looked exactly like a walrus. I asked her if maybe
she wanted some privacy and she said "Oh, no I couldn't
ask everyone to leave." I told her that wasn't what
I meant and asked her to come with me to the washroom.
As
I was helping her off the barstool a gorgeous man came
up to the bar. He ordered a drink and smiled at me--I
almost melted! Jenny had her foot tangled in the bar rail
somehow and slid off the chair onto the floor.
He
asked me if she was all right I told him she was fine
and then he bought me a drink. We started talking and
it was GREAT! He's a financial adviser, he lives in Rosedale,
he looks like George Clooney and he drives a Lexus. 'Nuff
said.
I
told him I was an author and he said he wouldn't have
guessed--he said I was way too sexy to be a writer. (I
just know that's going to be a problem when my book is
published.) He has a great sense of humour and we laughed
and had a few more drinks.
We
were really hitting it off when Jenny started moaning
that she had to be sick. I looked down and asked her if
she could hold it but no, she was already making the little
gaspy noises.
I
told Craig (I LOVE THAT NAME--full name Craig Miller)
that I'd be back in a sec and dragged Jenny to the bathroom.
It was like manipulating a huge miserable puppet. Her
legs couldn't support her, her arms were flailing all
over the place, her head was lolling and she was moaning.
It was really embarrassing.
She
took forever! I had time to completely redo my makeup
while she ralphed her head off in the stall. I was debating
whether or not to leave her when she started calling to
me.
I
went into the stall and she has a long green bean stuck
in her nose. I don't even know how it managed to sneak
up there on it's way out but it did. IT WAS DISGUSTING!
And worse yet she's asking me to help her get it out.
There
are some things I draw the line at. Retrieving produce
from a friend's nostril is one of them. I brought her
my hand mirror and after six revolting attempts (with
time out for spewing) she was finally able to get it out.
Ewwwwwww!!!!!
It
took her three tries to find her feet and even then they
didn't seem to be pointing in the right direction. She
asked me to call her a taxi, so I dragged her out of the
ladies room and plunked her at a table in the corner.
I put my jacket over her and went to find Craig but HE
WAS GONE!!!!
I
looked around for 15 minutes but there was no sign of
him. I was wondering if they had a paging system when
the bartender came up to me and asked if I could take
my friend home.
I
went back to the table and there was no sign of Jenny
at first and I felt a bit of alarm, but thankfully she'd
slid under the table again.
The
bartender hailed a taxi and helped me to get her into
it. I poured her into her house at about 2 o'clock.
I
am furious at her!!!! Mr. Right, the man of my dreams
walked into my life and she RUINED IT FOR ME. What did
I ever do to deserve a friend like that?
She
owes me big time. The first thing she's going to do is
go back to Club Hades with me. I've can't let him get
away. He is the catch of a lifetime.
Craig
and Jenna. That has a nice sound to it. Jenna and Craig
not sounds too much like Jenny Craig.
Jenna
Miller.
Ooooooo!
New to Jenna's Diary?
You are probably thinking"Say, I'll never catch up, so there's no point starting now."
Well that's not true, Jenna can't follow a thought for more than a second so you won't be missing a thing. (And quite frankly that attitude is the reason you are not a neurosurgeon.)
Click here for a past diary excerpts. |
